Two days ago she told me again she wants to leave and she doesnt want any physical contact with me. This is a few days after asking for MC and a few days before that saying she wants to leave.
So yesterday and today i dropped the rope. Did me a solid, went out and socialised, visited motorcycle dealership. Hanged out and have fun with S5. She was unaware of all of this by the way. My mindset was to get fully prepared for eventual separation and the big D.
Then she acts all nice and tonight she kissed me.
Someone please explain this to me.
I cant drop my guard, last time i did she went cold turkey and wanted to move out again.
Originally Posted By: EDF
Originally Posted By: Natus
I pull back and she pursues....
Then she acts all nice and tonight she kissed me.
Someone please explain this to me.
I cant drop my guard, last time i did she went cold turkey and wanted to move out again.
I don't have any more insight than you do... Finding the pursuit/distancing dance just as confusing as you even though it's an expected part of the script.
I suspect a big part of it is just that the WW is generally even more messed up emotionally than we are. And while we here slowly gain the benefit of introspection, increased detachment and great advice, the WW just keeps falling back to their same short-sighted patterns. No introspection or personal growth needed since everything wrong in their life is someone else's fault.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
I'm no expert, but what she is doing seems to me like a classic example of temp checking.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
I don't have any more insight than you do... Finding the pursuit/distancing dance just as confusing as you even though it's an expected part of the script.
I was taught that the male always leads in the dance.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm no expert, but what she is doing seems to me like a classic example of temp checking.
Is that what it is? Im not sure what she has to gain by temp checking as two days earlier she told me she wants out and doesnt want any physical contact with me.
I just, i cant deal with it. Right now im just going to assume she still wants to leave me and act accordingly.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Quote:
I don't have any more insight than you do... Finding the pursuit/distancing dance just as confusing as you even though it's an expected part of the script.
I was taught that the male always leads in the dance.
I unfortunately have been pursuing when she asked for MC. Then she dashed my hopes up a few days later by telling me she still wants to leave. We havent even gone to MC yet.
Im done. If she wants back in the R she will have to work it cause i am done having my hopes of fixing my family dashed again.
Its time for me to be selfish.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
She did it again this morning. She asked for a kiss before going off to work. Her new job today.
It just bothers me so much that i want her so badly yet know i cannot let my guard down anymore. I obliged but let her be the one to initiate which she did and kissed me on the lips.
Atleast this time im not deluding myself, i know we are not piecing.
Last night i couldnt take it, so i left for a drive. She asked noticed i got out of bed and put clothes on so she asked where i was going. Told her i couldnt sleep and headed out. Didnt do anything exciting. Ended up at my gm, did the books and deposit the sales. Some distraction atleast.
Tonight at least got midnight dinner plans with office. So got some GAL activity tonight.
Im itching to ride. I hope i qualify for the motorcycle loan.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
I dont know what happen though, i was more detached 2 weeks ago. This week its just a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Natus, the grieving process isn't linear. And there will be loops back to emotions you thought you have processed.
Just try to make sure that your lows are not as low and you don't get stuck in any of the stages.
Coming to terms with that. Atleast i recognise it for what it is now.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Did any of you guys reach a stage where you are just wanting to GAL / fill up your calenders so you are not around the house/W?
I've been getting the itch to just GAL about bad this past week. I think partially because i've stopped trying to care what she thinks. Previously i was abit aprehensive to GAL cause i didnt want to seem like im just leaving the house willy nilly now though i just want to go.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Did any of you guys reach a stage where you are just wanting to GAL / fill up your calendars so you are not around the house/W?
Natus,
That sort-of happened to me. I became so tired of the nonsense that I couldn't take it anymore. I have two young sons so I couldn't go out and GAL anytime that I felt like it. Instead, I'd asked my to get out of the house (she was planning to move out, I just hastened the move). My GAL activities just naturally increased after that because there was so much that I wanted to do and so many things that needed to be done.
So, if your question is, "Did you ever feel the need to get away from the WW drama?", then my answer is a resounding YES!
