Hi all , date didn't happen , D15 was not well so I cancelled. Didn't think lady was too bothered but turns out she might have been Never mind , it was only going to be physical and I was tired anyway
Not much else to report re the sitch , I was with IC last Thursday and she wants me to put D on hold for a while but I'm not sure. I think my ego is too big and I want to take control and go for the D regardless. Part of me feels it's the wrong thing to do but most of the time I think it's a good idea
If the D is final , I get to stay in the family home , I can stop WW entering the home and basically make her life a lot harder. While I'm not happy to do this , one follows the other and because of how WW left and her employment status she really can't defend the D without bringing a lot of pain in her life , financial, emotional and possibly legal
Again , I don't want to cause her pain but the D laywer says that this is the time to strike because of the unique position I'm in right now
Those that follow know that WW, appears to be in a mess and while I don't own that In any way I also want WW to be ok and even happy in her life. ( not too happy obviously )
I've gone NC with WW , ignoring calls and not answering texts unless kids related and I'm finding it easier to deal with than I thought. She has called today to complain about my housekeeping and I just replied in a text , ' thanks for pointing that out , I hadn't realised '
I was pleased I answered the way I did because the old me would have reacted and not in a good way , I do work a full time job running my company , I do have a house with 5 people in it to run and even the garden takes 3/4 hours a week at this time of year just to keep under control. I think I might have grasped the initial part of validation but if others think not please advise
I ( think ) validated for the simple fact that WW believed she had a legitimate issue
I could have pointed out that I washed all the floors on Thursday and dusted and hovered yesterday and that the 4 kids living in the house would not win awards for housekeeping this side of ever !!! I could have pointed out that I didn't get home until 7.30 or later any time this week or mention that she only works 3 days a week so she could always step up to the plate and clean BUT I didn't because that's not validating that's reacting !!
I'm doing ok in myself but my two Ds are convinced WW is coming home and WW has been making noises about changing jobs and leaving the place she currently works , which the kids hate because it's when she started there she changed. I don't know if the place was a reason she left or not but its not the healthiest ( mentally ) place to work and has a rep as such in the area we live It's hard listening to the Ds but I do and just validate.
That's all folks , life goes on , I'm currently typing this from a mountain near where I live and the view is gorgeous Obviously I'm sitting behind the steering wheel of the car because it's late June and its Ireland so it's raining
I hope you all have a great weekend and take care. Rd
You lovely dad, the kiDs are old enough to help with the chores.
I am glad you have someeach.
I do recommend NC for a while too, there ishould no requirement to validate or comment to WW on the housekeeping. She is no longer your W and so not her concern. Thats my view.
Keep on trucking dearest bruv.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I agree with V. I wouldn't validate comments on housekeeping, and your kids are old enough to do housework.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Thanks Lady V and Rose , I appreciate your comments I suppose I was just avoiding getting into any convo with WW , so validating seemed a good way to go
I've noted your thoughts and when ( for it surely will ) it arises again I will not responded or dismiss it
A physical date? Well, why not? Every man has needs
Anyway, why is she commenting on your housekeeping? She chose to leave, so why does it matter to her one jot? I think any man who works full time, has numerous children of teenage years has a fight on his hand just to keep on top of the cleaning etc. Just realised that sounded sexist; any woman as well!
I can't say I'm too good at validating, so, if you've made an effort, good for you.
Ah, the weather in the British Isles is great in June isn't it!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
