5 years after BD

[Rick1963]

6/22 made 5 years that ex filed for divorce and moved into the spare room.I posted this update on the secret alt. Thought I should share here too.
Haven't had any contact with ex in over 4 years. That's how she wants it and I'm good with it.

April 20 marked 1 year married to my new wife. I really like being a husband. Call me old fashioned. My step daughter introduces me as her step dad. I like that. My daughter and I see each other often. She is going to be 20. She is supposed to start school in September. Gettinger her high school degree and college credits at the same time. Wife and I are doing well. We still live out of 2 homes. It kind of works for us right now due to where my job is located. I truly am getting tired of our living situation but I'm being patient and don't make an issue. I don't want to be like I was. Give in resent and later get angry. Not a good thing to do.so I'm at front with her and talk. It will work it's way at it should.

Work sux. The CEO and COO are completely nuttie. Won't get into it. The good news. I'm in the final stages of getting my own mental health agency off the ground. Waiting on Medicaid to grant me access to their electronic billing system. I have many friends who have been doing this for the last decade and making millions. Hope it happens to me.

My Honda finally died. She had 288k miles. It was the best car ever . But I bought a brand new Honda HRV. Absolutely a beauty. The very 1st brand new car just for me. Usually we would buy a new car and it would go to the ex and she would give me the old one to commute.

I have been working way too much. Every weekend for the past 4.5 years in addition to my full time job. It leaves me very little time for chores around the house.

So that's my update. Life is really good. I'm very busy always. Planning on slowing down in July since right now I only have one patient with an agency I consult for on Saturdays. Will focus more on my business and keep 100% of the profits.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Quote.

"You make mistakes. Mistakes don't make you".

[Ginger1]

" I really liked being a husband"

I totally get that. I liked being a wife, even if to a douchebag and only for 4 years. I used to say I'd never get married again, but I would love to be a wife to someone who wanted to be a real husband to me.

You are a good husband. A good man. A good father.
Hope you get your business to a point where you don't have to work so many hours anymore.

[RosaLinda]

You sound good Rich! Congrats on your anniversary, your new car, how well you are getting along with your step kids! And your escape plan from that crazy b!tch of a boss you work with. I don't know how you put up with that place for so long; I give you a lot of credit, truly.

Do you do your private consulting from your house down south Piney Land? It would be great for you two to be able to stop that crazy commute!

Ginger there are tons of guys like Rich who are good men and good, real husbands to their wives. Yours will show up when the time is right. Cross my heart and hope to die!

[Rick1963]

I have been battling depression again. I know that once one has had it, got over the depression is likely to happen again with a life event.

I have been dealing with a boss thats,a bully. Not just me but many at work. So it's not me. Otherwise I would have to be honest and say it is my issue. In the midst of her criticism she tells me how happy and appreciative she us to have me work there.

Last week I reacted and sent a nasty email to her HR and the CEO. Yesterday she wanted to discuss in supervision. So I unloaded professionaly. It was ugly.

Since my divorce I have been looking at me inside and out.

I have learned that I don't like conflict. That I must make myself angry to tell you how I feel. Especially if I feel your are mistreating me.

Secondly my fear of losing my home. It is really killing me. Which is connected to my work problems.

The losing my home stems from my parents moving from one country to another. At least 5 times but can't remember. So the belief that I can lose my most stable place for past 13 is also a factor. I managed to keep the place after the divorce.

Sadly it all boils down to fear..fear..and the need for stability.

I'm really happy that I can put my thoughts here. Been feeling really overwhelmed latetly.

The good thing is that I have really good things happening work wise and otherswise. Getting my own business going is one of them. So things are not as bad as I think they are.

Just needed to put it here

[uRworthy]

Hello my sweet friend. I so get the depression thing. The good thing is that we recognize what it is and know we can get through it again, right?

So, you know this about you..the avoidance of conflict. What can you do to change that and how you react. Because I'm thinking that it isnt really a good thing for you to wait until you are angry before you can tell someone how you feel. Time to find different ways to deal with it.

The fear? I so get that, too. What I am learning is that I have to confront the very worst of the fears in order to move through it.

I know you know you will be ok.

So happy to read that you have good things happening in your life. You deserve that.

[Ginger1]

I am sorry you are feeling depressed:( Mine often comes with a life event too.

I used to be a conflict avoider. That's a part of the reason my marriage blew up in my face. I avoided all of our problems hoping they would go away. So I have learned that conflict will always be met at one point or another, and it's better to handle when we are in a clearer state of mind and before it snowballs.

I totally understand the fear. Since I moved out of my parents home when I was 18 I can't even count how many places I have lived. The security of knowing your home is there and will be yours for a long period of time would be really nice. I crave stability as you do, as I have never really known it. But focus on the good. You DO have your house. It is your and you are living there. Enjoy it the best you can instead of holding onto fear of losing it. It's kind of like a relationship. Having a good relationship but fearing something is going to go wrong and you are going to lose it all the time doesn't allow you to enjoy it. Enjoy your home.

You are driven, quite brilliant at what you do, and I am sure your own business is going to prosper and you can take comfort in that.

Hang in there buddy. This is always a good place to come back to:)

[Rick1963]

Thank you UR and G. I know I can vent here and the many friends I have would set me straight. I really appreciate u not sugar coating. I love u both very much.

Yes I'm scared shless and excited to have my own business. Today I looked into quotes for health care. They told me to call when I have none? I can always pay for the one I have now for 18 months. The CFO of my current agency will make that happen. She is very sad that I'm thinking of leaving. She told me that if I leave the 100 staff would be devastated.

So again my f...ING brain tells me to put others before me.

I'm at a crossroad and need thinking. I think too much and that's a problem also.

Wish I could shut my brain for a bit.

[uRworthy]

I can only imagine how scary it is to think about going out on your own, my friend. But I would also imagine it's pretty freakin exciting, too.

You know, Rick, I can understand, because of who you are, being worried about the people you may leave behind. I have two thoughts...the first being, that they may flounder a bit at first, but, they will find their footing. The second thought is that it is ok to think of what is best for ourselves. We matter, too.

I am thinking that you cant live your life for other people. We did that for a long time and look what happened. I am not saying we should be selfish. I am saying we should have self care.

And think about being able to help people without any of the constrictions you have now. How cool would that be?

Write down the pros and cons. Be brutally honest.

Life begins at the end of our comfort zone.

[uRworthy]

I love you, too, my friend.

[Rick1963]

Been dealing with depression again. It's been about a week now. It feels like when I was going through my stich. I believe that the drama at work and the fear of losing my home and expensive dental work are the cause.

The heavy eye lids, lack of energy, lack of joy, lost appetite, and difficulties concentrating are indicators.

Just needed to put it here for reviewing later. Nothing to worry.9