3 Months of misery

[Tofbrks]

Tofbrks - I like the idea about a horrible bosses arrangement!

I totally feel like the deck is stacked against me, sometimes I feel like I am being compared to the OM, so while I am DBing and not meeting her needs, she says that I am not doing that, and that I haven't for a long time. She is getting those needs met elsewhere, which totally stinks, because she won't even give me the chance to do it. I hate having a WW.

I feel your pain ... All I have is suspicions no proof ... I couldn't imagine having an actual proven affair ... And not loosing my mind or telling her to hit the f'n road.

[coffee_]

[/quote]

I feel your pain ... All I have is suspicions no proof ... I couldn't imagine having an actual proven affair ... And not loosing my mind or telling her to hit the f'n road.
[/quote]

Yeah, I was in Limbo for the longest time. We are working out the details of splitting the finances. All so messed up, I was thinking that just over a year ago we used the same toothbrush...hard to start a real separation, and to move forward with the D. I have proof of two ongoing affairs, she refuses to talk about it and has tried to lie her way into me thinking it is only one, an EA with someone she met 2 years ago. When I nailed her for it she denied, took some time and came up with the lamest lie I have ever heard. I sometimes wonder how such an intelligent woman could be so stupid.

[Tofbrks]

I feel your pain ... All I have is suspicions no proof ... I couldn't imagine having an actual proven affair ... And not loosing my mind or telling her to hit the f'n road.
[/quote]

Yeah, I was in Limbo for the longest time. We are working out the details of splitting the finances. All so messed up, I was thinking that just over a year ago we used the same toothbrush...hard to start a real separation, and to move forward with the D. I have proof of two ongoing affairs, she refuses to talk about it and has tried to lie her way into me thinking it is only one, an EA with someone she met 2 years ago. When I nailed her for it she denied, took some time and came up with the lamest lie I have ever heard. I sometimes wonder how such an intelligent woman could be so stupid.
[/quote]

Mine was so stupid that her exit plan after announcing she wanted to separate was for me to leave... With no Recon on table , why the heck would I give up so much? That I would continue to pay for everything just as if I was there... That's f'n stupid!
She wanted cake with extra frosting and someone to feed it to her...

[coffee_]

Hey all,
just checking in. Took my boy and put on about 400 miles in the mountains in the truck and on the 4 wheeler. It was so nice just having some man time, some serious GAL for sure. just got back, I have some work to get done today so I can play again tomorrow.
Just heard from the STBXW, she is in a major bad mood, i dont want to be around her. But alas I have to go to her mothers birthday party tonight.
She is being a total bXXXh today. I asked her if she needed help and she said that probably but she can do it all alone, and that she is getting used to it. Pulling back and GAL is not working to bring her closer. But I understand how this is supposed to work, it is for me and I should leave her out there to dry if she doesn't want the M. This relationship stuff is hard, harder than I made it out to be the last 21 years.

[coffee_]

Can there be too much GAL? we are in house separated and she is mad because she feels like I am not pulling my weight. I keep my activities tidy, make sure that the chores that I have been responsible for are done. I think she is just feeling sorry for herself today because S13 and I had a great couple days out and about. She is just making sure I feel like crap because she does? What games is she playing today.
She was mad as S13 for giving the dogs a bath and using clean towels, I told her he had good intentions. Poor kid, he hasn't seen her in 2 days and she was grumpy to him. I just don't get that woman.

[Rose888]

Is the list of chores you are responsible for a fair split?

Sometimes when H and I have days like that, it's because the list in one person's head is way longer than the other person's list. If you think it's a 10-item list and you are doing 5 items, but she thinks it's a 20-item list . . . all of a sudden your split doesn't seem so fair (assuming you are intending to go halfsies).

Or, sometimes I think we have to do a project, and that throws the balance out of whack, especially if I forget to explain the reason for the project to H or he is not in the mood to tackle a project that weekend.

And I've been known to be guilty of assuming a teen should know not to use clean/good towels to do X.

All of which is to say this could be normal frustrated woman stuff and not WAW stuff. But that doesn't make it more pleasant to live through.

[coffee_]

Well, all good points Rose888.
I will look at the list for sure and try to see it from her perspective. Her list is long, considering all of her extra curricular activities, she is on two boards, watches a mother in need's kiddo two nights a week and cares for her brain damaged father. On top of that the household chores. I may be resentful for the time away from home volunteer work.
We have never had to pay a contractor to do anything, I do all the maintenence on the house, cars, mowers, toys etc. I also cook twice a week or more, the kitchen is always clean when I am done.
I will ask her what she thinks.

I asked if I could help her any way today and her responce:
"I amd not sure you want to help. Feel obligated maybe but want to. I dont know.
It doesn't feel like you want to do much but have a good time but have a good time doing what you like.
Which I get"

I told her that there are may things I would rather be doing. I dont feel obligated but want to help (because I do, I love my MIL) I also invited her this weekend, she declined. But I told her I didn't invite her out of obligation but because I thought she could use some peaceful time in the mountains.

She responded and said, I am just blah. don't mean to take it out on you.

She popped of on S13 before saying another word, then just left the house leaving him there. I was gone at work.
It could be that it is just normal frustrated woman stuff, which under "normal" circumstances I could adjust, but we are so broken that nothing I say or do helps the situation, so I personally would attribute it to WAW stuff. Just my 2 cents.

[coffee_]

I had a great 4th of July weekend with my boy. We took the weekend to take the 4 wheeler to the hills and just hang out. One day we spent with friends riding with them. We stayed at another friends cabin that he let us use for free. It was amazing to take that time for us. I was home for the 4th and worked a bit. Then a buddy of mine and I drove to Idaho and did a 30 mile bike ride. This GAL stuff comes pretty natural now. Now the ramifications. Upon return I was accused of partying for 4 days and she did nothing but take care of the home-front. She was gone for 8 days the week prior to watch her mothers house while out of town. Granted she had S13 with her for 6 of those. I would have rather he be with me. I did however that time see him at lunch and run him around as needed. I will not use my kid as a pawn. Not sure how this GAL thing is supposed to fix my situation. Her Dad takes priority right now. He was kicked out of his apartment for smoking in it, so while I was gone she helped him find a new place, and move him. Her life is so hectic right now. I am ready to be done with the drama and move on. Getting ready to hit the go button on the email I have drafted. It explains that I will be moving out August 1st. And that we need to discuss what my contribution to the household will be. I will be broke for a while until the house sells or she refinances and puts the mortgage in her name. I am ready to take my ring off too, not sure how to approach that, besides just take it off. She was a total B yesterday and today. She has never in 21 years acted like this, so funky but it is what it is.

[rich4j]

It's sad but many of the WAW exhibit the same behaviors and traits (as well as WAH)

Denial in many of any affair ...then they cast the guilt back onto the other spouse by pointing out how bad things were and they had zero to do with any of the marital issues. As Aerosmith song goes..."same old song and dance my friend"

And to top it off, many also blame the other for not carrying the load in the house if they are in the bad situation you are of being in the same house for the separation. I have been there for all of the above for the past 6 months.

Hang in there. Keep Gal'ing and doing what you need to in order to power through this.

[coffee_]

Just an update for you all. Been a while since my last post.
I told her three days ago that I was moving out on August 1st and that I cannot afford to pay rent and half of the mortgage. She agreed to that. I told her I was misreble living under the same roof and that I needed a "Home". The next morning she asked me if I was more comfortable when we where living in the same house but at seperate times. I said no that was worse.
She sent a text the next day also saying that there was no hurry on her end for a target date to move out so take my time if needed.
I talked to my L yesterday and started the final paperwork to be served to her. I told her that and wondered when she would be around to receive them. She is busy so it is hard to pin her down for a time to do that. She asked if she could just go down and sign. I checked with teh L and she said that would be fine and would save me $50 I am cool with that. She will have to go the the L office and sign. This thing is coming to an end I guess. When I told her that she would be served she said well that is your choice. I asked her when she asked for me to be patient with her and she said May, I said I think I have been patient enough.
I am pretty well detached, it will be a hard separation because we where married as kids so everything we own and owe it is together. I think this will be a good thing for our relationship as parents and friends someday, as sad as it is. I cannot go on any longer this way in limbo. I hope the OM is good to her...