Go see a doctor and get an antidepressant. If you don't do that then I'm going to get some boxes and tape and pack your sh*t and kick you out of your house.
Ok Doodler - thanks for making me laugh! What's your recommendation at this point (and I actually was considering AD's to be honest - I don't handle this stuff well).
My recommendation is to go to a doctor and get an AD ASAP.
I like you a lot because you remind me a bit of myself, but d@mn get a prescription for an AD. CWOL and I both told you to do that weeks ago. GO DO IT!
My own thread hasn't received much focus, so I don't have issues with the advice I personally have received, but I agree that the overall tone of this forum can seem harsh for non-affair situations. Sometimes.
However, I've also received great emotional support at times I really needed it.
The book itself has a different tone, and I reread chapters when I am trying to decide if implementing the ideas from the board would be good for my situation.
For example, sometimes I read the board and think that detaching is about minimizing contact and treating my spouse like a neighbor. That was bad for my relationship.
When I read the book, I thought of detachment more as tsking responsibility for my mood and self-esteem, rather than deriving them from how H reacted to me. This has been awesome for my relationship and has significantly reduced neediness and pursuing behavior. It's not a temporary activity but something I will continue to do throughout the relationship.
Just my two cents.
I hope things start to improve soon.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Rose888 - I got similar advice to treat her like a neighbor and in hind sight that was not good advice. My W didn't want a neighbor, she wanted her husband to step up and show he cared enough to do something about the situation....and I did nothing but play some detachment game. That said, who knows, she may have just told me to go F myself anyway. She loves guilt trips!
Doodler - I got an anti- anxiety a few weeks back to help me sleep. It has helped but I now only take it when I need it, like last night. You can't take these things longer than 2 weeks straight as they are apparently highly addictive although I'm taking the lowest dosage 0.5Mg of Ativan.
I'm considering an AD to help me get through all of this. I have a lot of trouble focusing at work and trying to study for an exam. My emotions are all over the place and my mind runs wild thinking about the good times as a family etc - it tears me apart. I'm at work now and can feel the emotional swells almost bring me to tears when I think about the good times. At home I hold it together in front of my W (and kids obviously) but wait for privacy to fall apart, which I have a day here and there over the past few weeks. Just need to let it out sometimes. I've been researching effects of AD in this sort of situation and possibly which one might be best. I'll probably go back and see the doc next week once I've had a chance to process all of this. I'm a little overwhelmed right now. Do the AD's make you feel happy/optimistic or just numb to the emotional pain? I'm afraid if I'm numbed out I won't handle the situation properly (maybe it will help, I don't know).
Do the AD's make you feel happy/optimistic or just numb to the emotional pain? I'm afraid if I'm numbed out I won't handle the situation properly (maybe it will help, I don't know).
James,
That's a hard question to answer. I feel all of the emotions (happy, sad, angry etc.), but I'm optimistic. I think it's the optimism that makes the difference.
Rollo May, a famous psychologist, said that depression is "the inability to see or construct a future." That statement may seem silly to someone who's not depressed, but for someone suffering from depression, there's no future that seems bright.
So, to me, an AD makes me feel like a brighter future is one of the possibilities that I can chose. That makes a huge difference.
That does help - that is exactly what I need. When I have good days it's because something positive has happened in my life and it gives me that purpose, some future optimism, however short lived it may be. It's that lack of optimism that drags me down day after day. Optimism is what motivates me to get up and go do something - it gives me confidence. Wish I had that everyday! It would certainly help me either work through the issues with my W or separate and move on and not fall apart. I'll give it some thought over the weekend. What brand of AD and dosage are you on? Any side effects?
I am truly sorry you feel DB tactics are to blame for things getting worse in your situation.
Quote:
She is done! She lost respect for me when I moved back into the MBR which forced her out among a list of other things. Said I had lots of time to try and resolve things during the past few months and I did nothing - so much for DB tactics!
Here's the thing, she was done before you ever came on board. You did not force her out of the MBR, as I recall. You told her she could stay if she wanted. She chose not to stay in the room with you. She refuses to let it go and constantly hammers on the MBR incident, but it's only an excuse for her to use. And, I think you have chosen to blame it on the advice you received.
I don't think you were advised to ignore your W, but I'm not sure. Many people have trouble knowing how to apply DBing detachment. They act cold, mad, etc. Some people don't know how to apply the neighbor type of interaction. I'm not accusing you of not knowing, but I don't think you should blame any failure on DB.
I have said all along that your W does not respect you. That is the true issue. I wanted to help you see it, and I wanted you to get that respect again. She won't love you until it returns. FWIW, I do agree with you about the S, b/c I don't think any progress is being made under the present conditions. Maybe you will be able to find yourself, and maybe somehow find the happiness you deserve. I sure hope so.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
What brand of AD and dosage are you on? Any side effects?
I take generic Lexapro. One of the supposed side effects is reduced libido (lowered sexual desire), but I don't know about that. Yesterday, I was in the grocery store and there was a hot young thing walking by; she was perfect. Seconds later I was humping her leg like I was a rottweiler. I didn't realize anything had happened until she started slapping the sh*t out of me.
Another side effect is lucid daydreams about hot chicks in grocery stores. I guess that was just a dream, but day-um...
