Finding myself and leaving my Wife to her MLC

[mleigh4]

Not responding to button pushing texts is great advice. It took me a long time, but I find I feel much better ignoring then playing into it. Venting here is great too!

Hugs to you and the girls

[inpain]

After the interview D15 says to me. " mom could of advised us way before this morning. She waited for 2 minutes before. I lived a week of stress about my mom. Could of been avoided. "

Your poor girls, they deserve so much better than that. Another example of how incredibly lost and self centred our WASs are - a 15 year old talks far more sense and can see things for what they are! I say this a lot on here but it is so true - thank goodness your girls have you as their rock!

Asking why I dont contact her mother. I'm keeping the girls from their grandmother. Ohhh i wanted to reply. I disn't. I have been replying to these texts and always repeating myself. Let her figure it out.

I'll reply here to get it out of my system.

Your mother has cut the girls off since aug 2 2015
No birthday , XMas or anything .
She is the adult and she broke their trust and respect . If she wants it back she will need to earn it . Entitlement won't work here.

Wow! Just, wow! Isn't it incredible how to them everything is just a one way street. We should be making all the moves and are the bad guys if we don't. Your reply would have been spot on (but well done for not sending it ).

Have a lovely weekend Irish!

[Vanilla]

Irish M

I don't post in this section of the board much.

Mainly, I don't have a belief in MLC, so that's my view.

But I do keep a weathered eye on you, as promised many months ago.

Please stop being the middle man with WW for your Ds.

They are old enough to have contact directly with WW if they wish to do so.

I understand as dad you really want to protect them and that's great.

You are complicating an already complex situation,your Ds have to take your views into account over WW. I fostered troubled teens, and from aged 12 for girls and 14 for boys, took the view and said "You can contact mum, dad, siblings or family yourself and or decide if you want to be in contact with them if you wish".

I will let you know if I am contacted and will advise them to contact you on Saturday afternoon or xxxxxxx.

You can buy one phone just for WW and MIL. That's the contact phone. All contact is open. Only adult stuff between yourself and WW is contained.

Your Ds are getting distressed by this. Take the view that unless WW confirms before hand the answer is she will not be in attendance.

Your Ds can be as concerned for you as for themselves in interactions.

Let them know it's ok to be upset at WW behaviour, validate, and ask how they want to deal with WW a D support it without judgement.

If WW contacts you, give her the new number and say contact directly. WW is thinking of herself on mothers day, your wonderful insightful Ds have sussed this already.

They are smart and very able. Trust them.

V

[Cld]

Hi Irish M,

I thought my situation was bad, but yours is probably worse.
I can't believe that a mother loses completely her mother instinct and leaves her daughters, that's incredible.
My advice to you is to just stay strong, single and never lose hope that she might come back. It hasn't been a year yet and female midlife crises last between 2 and 5 years so you have to be patient.
You seem to be a great dad taking care of your daughters all by yourself. You are doing a great job.
The worst thing that you could do would be to find a girlfriend in my opinion, that would lose all the hope of reconciliation.
Marriage is just a piece of paper, you want to restore the relationship with your woman.
Hugs,

Claudio

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly, Mleigh, IP, V and Claudio. thank you for your visits and support.

yes Bttrfly vent here.. i do most of the time and if not here to a close friend. I would love to give my STBXW a piece of my mind but I know its a losing battle.

Your poor girls, they deserve so much better than that.

Yes they do deserve better. All kids of MLC parents deserve better. Thank god for parents like you and others here that will be solid for their kids and give them a fighting chance. I know my STBXW didn't plan for this to happen and is not herself. She would not of chose this for them if she was in the right state of mind.I hope

Wow! Just, wow! Isn't it incredible how to them everything is just a one way street.

It is funny in a way. How the script is all the same. Crazy funny

I don't post in this section of the board much.

Mainly, I don't have a belief in MLC, so that's my view.

But I do keep a weathered eye on you, as promised many months ago.

Hi V, yes I know your beliefs on MLC. None the less your advice to me since day one has been very welcoming and helpful. You are an amazing person :-) I read your posts to others who come here and we are very lucky to have you.

Please stop being the middle man with WW for your Ds.

You can buy one phone just for WW and MIL. That's the contact phone. All contact is open. Only adult stuff between yourself and WW is contained.

Hi V i really try not to. I cut that bridge long ago. I offered my help to STYBXW and was shot down multiple times. I don't force my D's to see or call their mom.

I do remind them she is their mom and will always be their mom. It is up to them and their mom to have a relationship.

Your Ds are getting distressed by this. Take the view that unless WW confirms before hand the answer is she will not be in attendance.

Your Ds can be as concerned for you as for themselves in interactions.

this is new to us and it was the first time we were all called for an interview. We had no clue what STBXW was going to do or not do.

You see just before BD1 my D15 who was 14 at the time was approached by an older man, much older. Asking her where she lived, if she went to the high school. Where she hung out etc. D15 blew him off and told us about it. STBXW at the time flipped out. She said D15 needs to call the police next time and us. She went to the police station and filed a complaint. I told D15 to take his picture if he approaches her in public like that again.

2 weeks later. I get a text from D15. Its the same man. Sitting sideways in his boot at the restaurant asking my D a multiple of inappropriate questions. I race over with STBXW and confront him. While I talked to him calmly STBXW was on the phone with the police.

I asked him his name. He replied. I don't know you.
I said to him. I want to know the name of the pervert talking to my underage D.

He goes on saying you cant tell how old they are these day.

The police arrested him and many others came out to complain about his behavior.

Anyway... we were summoned to court and so was STBXW. She has yet to call me about the outcome.

Soon after BD2 STBXW was looking for an apartment and wanted to rent one next to the D's school. I advised her that the older man who approached our D15 lived in that building. She blew me off and said... I'll watch over our D15. Crazy I know.

If WW contacts you, give her the new number and say contact directly. WW is thinking of herself on mothers day, your wonderful insightful Ds have sussed this already.

My STBXW , had their cell phone cut off. She has yet to call the house to ask for them Not once in the 10 months. She has access to their facebook and private email addresses. Last contact from her was Jan 26 2016.

She chooses not to. I wont push it anymore.

My advice to you is to just stay strong, single and never lose hope that she might come back. It hasn't been a year yet and female midlife crises last between 2 and 5 years so you have to be patient.

Great advise Claudio, but after close to a year and seeing the damage she has caused my Daughters. The stories she spread about me in the community. It will be hard to let her back in my life. The Daughters can choose for themselves.

I don't think STBXW has it in her to fight for her life back or to start a new one with me. too much work for her. As I go through this and see my W become a different person, live with someone else and have no care for her daughters and only hatred for me. It's very hard to think that one day we will be that family we once were. I know she is not well. Fog, WAW, MLC, bipolar, hormonal imbalance whatever. She is not the type of woman I want to be with.

I am here for me and my girls. To stay strong and at peace with life.

Irish

[inpain]

.

Hi V i really try not to. I cut that bridge long ago. I offered my help to STYBXW and as shot down multiple times. I don't force my D's to see or call their mom.

I do remind them she is their mom and will always be their mom. It is up to them and their mom to have a relationship.

I think you do a great job of this in an incredibly difficult situation such as yours Irish! I'm only just beginning to have to field this sort of thing now. My S11 is increasingly distressed about my H's treatment of him and me and is beginning to express it by talking badly about his Dad. It is difficult to hear and I try to steer him away from that kind of thinking towards his Dad but at the same time it can understand how he feels. When we are so incredibly hurt for ourselves and our children because of WAS's actions it makes it so, so difficult. Giving your girls the facts and allowing them the freedom to make up their own minds about it, as you do, is exactly the right way to go I think. You're doing a great job! As you quite rightly say, your W will have to mend those bridges herself if and when she comes out of the incredibly long, dark tunnel she is currently in!

Keep on being the amazing Dad you are to your girls. Everytime I read about how you are with them it gives me hope.

Hugs, IP

[BrightFuture]

Irish, I wrote the whole post to you about “you don’t know what the future holds”… and that “things can be repaired… Then deleted it… I have so many doubts myself. And with the recent developments” and H’s increased contact, I catch myself on a thought “what if…? H would want to come back???” What would I do, how would I feel? I know your W has a long way to go… But… here I am, saying “you just never know what future holds”, LOL.

I just want to say that you are doing a great job with your girls! They have all the support and love to overcome what they had (and still have) to go through. I hope you guys have a great summer, full of fun stuff and great memories!

And thanks for stopping at my thread and giving me so needed male opinion, LOL.

[mleigh4]

Happy Fathers Day Irish! You have been so strong, kind and loving to your daughters, an amazing example of what a man in their life should be. I hope you all enjoy a wonderful day

[BrightFuture]

Happy belated Father's Day, Irish! I was trying to post yesterday, but there was some kind of problem with the website.

[inpain]

Belated Father's Day wishes to you Irish! I hope you had a lovely day with your girls and that you're having a great week so far!