Good question..sometimes it is during work/related like dinner meetings towards end of day. But mostly it is right after work things like the team playing cards and grabbing subs, playing bball. Spouses not included but if were he prob would not ask me along. He used to give better heads up but now will wait til end of work day to tell me plans.
Completely guessing here, but maybe it's because he's conflicted on whether or not he doing the right thing? Don't read into that too much, just a thought.
I know I'm guilty of doing this, but when plans would come up that I knew my W wouldn't be happy about, I used to have trouble informing her in advance as well. Since things are 'more' rocky between you all, he may be trying to just 'avoid' telling you for as long as he can, so that the repercussions of the event aren't something he'd have to deal with all day long, as opposed to right before he's out in a social environment, where it's easy to forget about them.
I know I mentioned to you before, but, do you still give him forewarning of every last thing you are doing? In your GAL activities, do you always let him know what's going on?
Along with being cold/distant H has had this miserable/feel sorry for me look on his face and letting out sighs at times. It is tough not to react to when I feel like saying to him to take a step back and evaluate himself and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. Hard to wrap head around the "he is hurting as well" part.
Wait, he's giving you like the "sympathetic, I'm sorry you're going through this look"? Or he's trying to show you that he's also suffering and having a hard time through this? Those are two different things, so wanted to make sure I understood the gesture before commenting.
Sry was not clear. No neither of those. Seems more of a frustration with himself that he has delayed MR talk since his minds made up. Would not mind if it was due to him having tough time as well, but does not seem to be the case.
I know it's hard, but don't even acknowledge it. He has no valid reason to play the PPM card on you. You have to make a decision to show him the consequences, or let him play his mind games... He's not the victim here.
That is what I thought..no valid reason. Part of me sees slight hope in delay so holding off to see what comes of it. The other part is saying that I do not want to be stuck in the mud like this long term.
So when you say "show him consequences" does that mean through actions?..or actual conversation? If you mean words would that include my feelings/knowledge on EA?
So when you say "show him consequences" does that mean through actions?..or actual conversation? If you mean words would that include my feelings/knowledge on EA?
I meant actions. Do not give in to his pity party. You need to keep feelings and emotions out of all conversations right now. I'm not saying don't confront about EA, but if you do, don't show emotions/feelings/hurt, etc. I mean consequences by making a plan and sticking to it, and that plan has to be for you and you only (well kids too), but definitely a plan that does not involve him at all. That plan, and sticking to that plan (don't change plans during emotional crisis) is essentially the same plan that shows the consequences, indirectly.
I know not to leave our bedroom but on occasion ill sleep in the guest room. More so when he plays golf real early and if Im not feeling well ill mention going to. It is good to have that at times since I am not sleeping great and when feeling upset do not want to be in same room.
Has been a tough week. Was thinking that H does let me know of plans but still tough but have not reacted. He will not be home for dinner next couple nights for work event/Gbye dinner. Will do what can to stay busy myself.
Planning to hike with group on sat am. and cont with walks/reading. This process and feeling of being stuck in mud really wearing on me. Not sure what plan to have but know need to be consistent. Still somehow have dash of hope for turn around.
