Some time ago I wrote letter approaching it. H said I was mistaken and would not betray me. There have been moments that I want to bring up again but have not since then.
It was mentioned an EA regardless if OP has not recipricated. I agree with that. H def. in fog and does not see the wrong in putting his energy outside the M. It may not be foundation but does not help matters. Knowing he is at work w. OP painful. And him making last minute plans to escape is as well.
The way you confronted seemed good. As you said afraid would "tip him over" to BD. It is not a good feeling tho knowing his mind is set but neither is getting consumed in worrying so much. Ugh.
I don't consider my W filing BD as her mind was set. I think it was just a continuation of her threats saying "how day you attack me, I am the one that's mad and leaving you" (that's not what I did). Do you have any evidence? Him being in denial is normal, that's what the "just friends" theory is based on. He doesn't even realize it's an EA. My wife argued the same thing until I mentioned "if it was the other way around, and I was texting an attractive woman I worked with several nights, until 4am, while your not around, what would you call it? Would you be mad?" and her tone shifted a little bit. (she got much angrier, yelling, furious, etc, and that's about when she stormed out)...
I don't consider my W filing BD as her mind was set. I think it was just a continuation of her threats saying "how day you attack me, I am the one that's mad and leaving you" (that's not what I did). Do you have any evidence? Him being in denial is normal, that's what the "just friends" theory is based on. He doesn't even realize it's an EA. My wife argued the same thing until I mentioned "if it was the other way around, and I was texting an attractive woman I worked with several nights, until 4am, while your not around, what would you call it? Would you be mad?" and her tone shifted a little bit. (she got much angrier, yelling, furious, etc, and that's about when she stormed out)...
Even tho the EA confrontation was definitely part of the reason for filing, it definitely was not THE reason. And even though she filed, doesn't make me see my situation any differently, nor does it change my plan.
The evidence are msgs saw from H to male friend about his feelings and being involved in group events together. He would be upset I came across but was not intentional. As someone put it H in lala land.
BD in my mind would be H saying he wants D. But see what you are saying and about EA in general. H doing last minute things which he knows bothers me. He prob is expecting me to break.
I have almost broken down saying how awful this has been since I am drained but somehow refrained from that.
Just curious. What did that letter say? Was it direct, saying "I know this and I'm not here to argue" or was it more "I feel like you may be getting to close to ow" or "I'm asking you now if there is any feelings for ow to come forward now please"?
betterm, I should have presented it more like question but instead stated I knew he had feelings for someone at work. I mentioned it was painful to think about him using time and energy on this. That noticed him being more social, dressing better, doing more group and work things.
I ended letter saying what the life we built meant and was worth working through together. He initiated responding. He kept the letter, it is under a book in the office. Did hope getting out would make some difference but seems in fog more then ever and hope further then ever.
I disagree. I think asking questions will get you nowhere. It's all about being confident in what you know, stating it firmly, but not rudely, and keeping emotions in check when WAS gets defensive. You're not gonna get WAS to admit anything, especially when he doesn't see it for what it is.
Well handled somewhat ok, somehow checked emotions. But right if H does not see the wrong in it then not going to get anywhere. It is very frustrating. What makes me mad is his married male coworker supporting it and not telling him not right. Hard to keep in when he does things with work ppl.
Are these 'work activities' something that other spouses are invited to / involved in? Not sure if you're referring to activities that go on DURING work, or extracurricular activities they are doing outside of work?
