I actually do not feel low self worth. I kind of do what I want in that moment with little regard for what others are going to say. I'm kind of oblivious to them. (My best friend jokes, that I'm never angry like her because I'm so oblivious to others. But she also says I never recognize all the guys that are flirting and sending signals.. because I am oblivious and in my own world)
I guess I know that others are probably not even thinking of me and sometimes I like to go under the radar and just be. I'm a big day dreamer. I also grew up in an area where there are so many people you get to just be a cog in the wheel. It's very comforting to me.
I remember a last minute plan to go somewhere. I called my aunt to see if she would come and she wanted to, but would not go because "she didn't have her face on" !!! To me the desire to go and do is more important then how I will look doing it.
That being said, I do have fun getting dressed up and being fashionable. I look good when I go out and I look forward to having someone to be sexy for. But it doesn't dictate my daily life. I don't need it. I Don't really feel any differently about myself when I am dressed up versus not. It's just about what's going to work best for me in that moment and perhaps my mood.
Jjb, I understand your stress. I have so many strands of white hair from the past year.
I realised that you have to fight the fear. Do a lot of homework online. Find out what it is that you need and how to get it. Maybe you can try asking the other dbers?
I wish I could help you but I have a totally different legal system here.
Thank you JK. I Just have to do it and I dont want to and I'm procrastinating. I know this. I don't think anyone can help me with it. I just have to take action and I'm afraid. Someone said something super funny to me...
Will come back on later tonight..but need to quickly vent...
I'm really annoyed. Husband just sent me text informing me he is taking me off of car insurance. (I was forewarned a few days ago). He has every right to do that. I know that.
But he walked away from us. Had it set up so that he was not responsible for housing (since we were all living with my parents for a year), would not pay child support till I took him to court. I have not asked him for his share regarding extra curriculars and have not asked for alimony. My parents babysit while I am at work and they have not asked for any money. Technically he would have to pay 2/3 childcare while I am at work. He claims to have no savings but earns nice salary and lived expense free off of my parents and now his mother. He should have no debt either. He had me taken off his health insurance before BD, since my plan was better.
I am so tempted to respond with a nice " F you"... I just didn't respond. I'm breathing deeply instead.
I read about these guys on here whose wives are in open relationships, lying and cheating and they continue to support the kids and household and family.
I remember taking my car to HIS friends wedding because of the weather and him getting annoyed because I didn't have my credit card and he needed to pay to fill the car with gas before we could go. we got into a fight over paying for my miscarriage bill! (I paid)
I work and have always contributed. I don't really care about the actual money. It's more the principal. Some sort of chivalry would have been nice. I cant expect it now, when it was never there to begin with. I understand that. I can't be resentful because I was not asking for more either.
my husband went to top schools and has a great education and job.. there is no rational to this. He resented me when I went down to part time even though I still contributed the exact same amount...all it did was prevent me from saving.
He never saw us as a family unit. i asked so much for transparency and when I did, he would get annoyed and viewed it as me criticizing. When I found out his earnings during the child support meeting I was pissed because we could have afforded so much more. He claimed he was spending 1500/month on his car!
Maybe I was too practical. I thought he was honest and treated me as an equal and didn't play games. But I think next time around romance and some sort of chivalry might be nice.
I looked past so many things simply because he wasn't a womanizer. To me in my early 20s that meant...great guy.
So now, once things settle what do I actually look for in a partner? my selection process is obviously way off.
I hate how he plays mr. Nice guy now. Little laughs and fake friendliness. Like he is the greatest husband and person in the world and I was this lazy, verbally abusive wife that didn't even do his laundry.
I hate his lies that make him look innocent and play me at fault. The continued claims "you pushed me out" and then that bullshit statement " if it was up to me you woukd have nothing to do with son". When I really said " I hate losing him on the weekends" .
I just don't want any interaction with him at all. I don't like him. I don't respect him. I want nothing to do with him. Obviously he felt that way about me first or we wouldn't be here.
Once it's all in writing it will get easier. I know.
I know other people have it so much worse. He could be worse. But I'm still upset. I never expected to be a divorced single mom. It's not a role I ever imagined myself in. I am like, MISS STABILITY. So this is very unsettling for me.
This was a longer venting session then i expected.
I am saying nothing. Because I have no legal right but to accept that.
I don't know why. I'm having a rough week. I'm having trouble getting things done. I'm procrastinating too much. I'm having trouble staying structured.
Scream your head off, whatever it takes to get the feelings of resentment out so you can get to a calmer place.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I know how you feel. Your H sounds very much like the x. I am also resentful at how his selfishness has caused kid and I so much pain. I hate that even though I was willing to work on us after his aggression and affair, he still decided that we were not worth his while.
It is unfair and unjust. But we have no control over the spouses. We have control over us.
Jjb, while things are not set in stone yet, please do your best to seek out the best terms for you and your children. Since your H is so self-centred, I would say go for the jugular.
If you're able to secure the best terms for you and your children, you'll feel so much better. And in control.
Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel more in control?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I was mad before, but I'm doing better. I think once everything is in ink (as vanilla puts it), I will be fine. I realize it's normal for us to get angry but not reacting on that anger is crucial. it was also something pretty petty I was annoyed with. It's not gonna make or break me so it's healthier for me to just not look back.
It's unhealthy for me to hold on to something like that so thanks for letting me vent. I will be securing best possible terms, but am very lucky that I am not dependent on him or I woukd have been in great difficulty. I am lucky I have a great family. But I don't really want to live with them!
The greatest thing I did was continue to work part time when my son was an infant. It gave me sanity and kept me up to date on my skill set.
Without even looking I have 3 job offers to supplement my part time income. One of which would possibly entail entering into a partnership (in a niche I have decent experience in). I am really proud of that but not sure if sons schedule would allow for me to do that. I have to really think about this. The best thing for me is to be structured and busy.
So I do have decent control, I just forget that I do and go on a venting spree. Sometimes I get stuck on principles and unfairness. The world is unfair though and I don't really have it that bad. I have to remind myself that. Especially when I read some of the other situations here.
Jjb, I get the venting part. And the world is unfair part.
(((Jjb)))
And I get that I am on a crusade to make sure LBW get the best D terms that they can get because I feel so poorly done by for mine.
Congrats on the job offers! I feel rather stuck in my job sometimes because it's my first and only job. I suspect I may not be as in demand as you are if I were to ever switch jobs or companies.
Would your parents still be able to help with your sons?
Lol at the part about not living with the parents. I love my mum but when she hinted that she was thinking of moving into the new flat with us, I think I cringed visibly. Bad Grl, bad bad Grl!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
