Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

thx....the ups and downs of this dance

Weeks are fine...then tough weeks.

She continues to put me in a bad light in front of our daughter which is my biggest challenge.

I am struggling with that I am going to have to support 2 households and work my butt off and also co parent. I am not as good as my wife with planning stuff for our daughter as she will remain in the direct neighborhood, doesnt work for now, and has time to plan stuff for her during the week etc.... I don't.

I have to figure this out as I feel that my daughter is slipping away from me. I have to cool my jets in front ...I keep thinking she sees me as the bad angry guy as my STBX is all smiles around her and then throws daggers at me with her around, and my daughter sees this and unfortunately I think sees me as the bad guy hurting mommy

Anyone have this horrible situation and a way to address it with the kids? I won't have to put up with this after July hopefully at least in the same house but it is killing me. I can't lose my daughters confidence in me...it will crush me

[J5K]

Rich

Just remember at some point in time STBX will have to find a job. I had the same feeling and now don't care when or if that will happen. The D is a process and the time will come where the STBX will have to face reality.

[rich4j]

I hear ya JimK....she may not have to work for a while with some of the alimony issues.

But regardless I believe in karma and that boomerang is going to hit her hard

I just want my daughter to not see me as the lone big bad wolf. I see my therapist friday and it will be part of my focus on how to be the best dad but also handle this nasty situation

good luck with your day in court!

[SH_]

Children are very aware of things as it relates to parents.

I believe that as you continue to better yourself and be the best dad possible that your D will know the truth regardless of your STBX.

My d17 saw throughly WAW nasty complaining of me for the past several years before the BD. She has chosen to stay with me because she believes what she see's not what she hears.

The best way to be sure d does not believe what STBX says is for her to see your actions. Kids are very aware. More than we can ever know.

[rich4j]

SH

I sure hope so. I have to cool my temper as my STBX gets my goat while I still live here and it impacts how I act towards everyone. Hard to keep the smile up when you are getting daggers thrown at you so looking forward to getting out of here. I probably will flip over to the divorce forum soon but will visit here!


The support has been great and much needed when tough times hit us all.

[trumpet]

rich4j,

7 nights in my former house. Squatting while I wait to close on the condo.

I have been told it's a hell week. Sundays have been tough.

I'm in your same sort of situation. Hang in there. I'm spending more time away from the house - away from the ex. I'm not seeing the kids as much, but soon, I'll have them half time, and be with them lots.

Keep posting - I'm reading.

[SH_]

I know the feeling about the daggers coming at you and trying to remain in a good place.
My IC indicated that a lot of my anxiety in the early days was due to absorbing so many daggers and firing myself not to react.
So fast forward to shortly after she moves out. I am being screamed at by her at the school she works at when I pick up d5. I was rattled by the outburst.
Then she does it again a few days later, only this time it sounds like a broken record to me. Then the next day on the phone, the same broken record. I start to smile and told her good night, she can talk to me when she wants to be civil.
It clicked in my head. She was not a rational person. And now that I could see this clear as day, nothing she says or does shakes me. In fact I chuckle at most of it now.
Even better, I think she realized that it no longer phased me, and she has basically gone into hiding and refuses to communicate with me in any form.

My point to the ramble is try and look at the absurdity of her daggers and spew and take it like you would from a stranger. I tend to chuckle at irrational folks, because its silly to me.

Hang in there, do your best to deflect the daggers with kindness and focus on your d. That is really the only way.
You got this my friend.

[rich4j]

thanks trumpet, sh , jimk for the support

Yesterday was surreal. I am not sure if the big man upstairs is messing with me or what.

Had a visit to the ER with my daughter from school. Won't go into the details but scary moment for me and my STBX but everything is OK.

We had to be together in that environment for 6+ hours and it was painful but also painful in the "my heart still misses you too much" painful way for me. We actually had a hug and there were some mutual tears but I could still feel the coldness.

I truly thought all the resentment, hate, anger from the past almost year has hardened my heart towards her but this emergency was just hard for me beyond the scare for my daughter.

It was on the coat tails of her the prior evening her driving me mad as she tried to ruin some of my vacation plans by throwing every wrench into my plan and making things difficult.

And as you can imagine, the imagination ran wild last night. "we should be back together as a family" etc..."why did she have to do this..." I then thought what if I was the one who was sick...who would help me as I don't have any immediate family in the area. Yes...my friends would come to my rescue. But I would want her , my STBX, coming to help me!

Ugh...this is too hard. I go to see my IC today thank goodness.

[doodler]

rich4j,

I'm glad that you're daughter is ok.

I really dislike those situations where you're emotions are all of the map. The anger and the longing and the lack of resolution can pummel the strongest person into a pile of rubble.

I'm glad you have IC today. I always look forward to IC; I feel tons better afterward.

I hope you have a wonderful Friday and Weekend!

[rich4j]

Thaks doodler.

Yes...IC helps a ton. Puts me into my place and right now these last 2 weeks have gotten to me as I was doing fine for a while

She says I am mourning my loss right now going back n forth from being OK to sadness and why can't this be back to normal

I have really struggled with some of the things that many of the dads on this forum seem to be handling as now a single parent having to co parent

I have major anxiety about me failing in this department and my D not wanting to be with me, asking for mommy, being bored, ...the list goes on. She is an only child and during our marriage earlier on we had a nanny helping out and then my STBX handled alot of the planning as she didn't work and I did.

My IC really helped me with some positive thinking and that I can do it and will do it well. Think it and it will happen. Just got to get through these next month and half to get on my own and see how I can do this.

I also struggle thinking about the "empty house" I will be in when my D isn't there or dogs. But that is where GAL comes in and trying to prepare for that.....

I have been told , and by my IC, this will take time again and again (2 years!)....so I guess many of us just slog through it and hope we come out the other side sooner than later.