My little slice of Life..

[Tofbrks]

I know to focus on myself and I am starting on that path. Sandi how do you come to that conclusion , not doubting it just looking for The reason behind it- Emotional withdrawal.. I'm early in the process of db and don't yet know what really works and don't know if I ever will. My wife is good at covering up her true feelings by laughing and putting up a good front. I know it's truly eating at her but fails to deal with the bad in her.

[Tofbrks]

Really struggling with some depression today over all this stuff. Seems like the whole thing is going to sheet and she could give a rats azz less ... Which I know is part of this whole thing... Just venting not letting her see it... I hope

[Tofbrks]

I need a little help with db'n ... I have read dr and gained a lot of knowledge. However my sitch doesn't really fit any one scenario. I wasted a lot of time on categorizing what my wife was ( ww or waw) because she really fit neither that well. She loves kids and will not leave them as she's told me. As for an affair or wild behavior... It's just not there..some leg stretching but this is a weird time in our marriage... So I guess anything is possible.

Would like some help on the space issue which is causing all kind of problems. Y youngest d noticed a change early on that I was coming home earlier and more "fun". But then wife says I dote on her and that I'm home way too much. Spending time with kids was one of her issues..?
They have activities coming up that will keep them all away for most of the summer which will be hard. I have already been "removed" from the inlaw family vacation that I've been apart of for 13yrs. That hurt...
She continues to exclude and corner me off , often times avoiding me altogether.
It is killing me to not know where our marriage is heading.. Our next mc session is Monday.

If sandi or wonka could chime in i really could use a little different perspective.
Thanks to all those who have offered help so far

[Cadet]

Do what is best for your kids.

Be the BEST DAD you can be,
I would not worry about what she says
cause the odds that she is telling the truth is
not good.

[liono]

It is killing me to not know where our marriage is heading.. Our next mc session is Monday.

I feel you on that one. That uncertainty is something that's so easy to churn and spin on. My W also had the same pattern, of avoiding me. Not like she literally walked out of the room, but it *almost* seemed that way. Only logistics about the kids. This was until our first MC session, which she got a lot of stuff off her chest (mainly "I just don't think our personalities are compatible and we never should have gotten married blah blah"). Her explanation was she was afraid I would blow up or scream or something (I am NOT like that. All in her head) when she explained what she was thinking.

Anyway, my point is, just as your head is spinning, your W has A LOT going on in her head too.

To me, it also sounds like some of this stuff is trying to get a rise out of you. Excluding from vacation, "You're coming home too early" wtf?!?! Just stay the course.

Other piece of advice I have around detaching. Consider this:
* If your MR ends up healing and your W changes her feelings toward you, then the best way you can help that is to work on you and be the best person you could possible be.
* If D is the path, and you are going to be left alone, then the best way you can help prepare for that is to work on you and be the best person you could possible be.

I know that second one sounds pretty crummy, but you see the pattern, right?

[Tofbrks]

Thanks guys/gals for keeping me in a different perspective... All too often I get in this cycle and forget where I need to be and what I need to do.

[Tofbrks]

Did just receive txt from w saying , if I wanted to come down for a day or two while they are away... It would be ok.. But she would stay elsewhere... Well 50% there..then went on to separate Father's Day ... I know she has said she wants space and to separate but never really sunk in that it would really happen.

Have been talking with a good female friend ...she thinks I need a bold statement to turn the tide.. To illustrate I'm still in the game and doing things now out of my comfort zone... Boring and predictable. Since I cannot see how I can go from h role to some friend bff confidant handyman role.. She advises me to tell her this in a confident tone, I don't want to be you friend , your buddy or roommate, I want to be your lover and your husband! And as she says give her s kiss of a lifetime... Then walk out and leave...... This goes against db /dt to the core...but this is very out of my character so who knows.. Perhaps sandi or other women could squash this idea as more of begging pleading? Can't recreate a feeling but need something to shift it in my direction...the db&asthma don't do this I think..

[sandi2]

Sandi how do you come to that conclusion , not doubting it just looking for The reason behind it- Emotional withdrawal..

Based on your posts, she fits the WW mold. I hope you will read the rest of my threads on that subject.

You are the one trying to find a reason for her wanting to end the the M. When a woman doesn't have a reason, other than she's just not happy........that raises a red flag. Sometimes the WW will give a string of complaints, but when the list is examined, you have to ask yourself if those reason justify breaking apart a family. They give reasons like, not helping around the house, not paying enough attention to her, not spending enough time with the kids, not going out enough, etc.

Truth is, it's all about her and what she wants. Selfishness!

Another trait is anger. The least little thing the H says or does that isn't lining up with what she wants........the anger comes out. Some women use their anger as a means to bully the H, especially if he tries to avoid her being mad at him. A WW can be worse than a school yard bully.

The WW is manipulative. But I have written about all of this in my threads.

As for an affair or wild behavior... It's just not there..some leg stretching but this is a weird time in our marriage... So I guess anything is possible.

I doubt people would have said they saw any wild behavior or an A in me, either. But I was wayward, nonetheless. I held so much resentment in my heart toward my H, that I didn't like to hear anyone talk about what a nice-guy he was. I had lost respect and those closest may have been able to see, IDK. I was bitter and I was very depressed. Finally, I started an Internet affair.

I'm not sure what you want answered about the space. I'll try to help where I can, but as I said, it's in my threads if you'll read them.

She continues to exclude and corner me off , often times avoiding me altogether.

That's what WW's do. You are going to see changes in her that will blow you away. She's not the girl you M.

MC is a waste of time and money, until she is ready to do the work to save the M. She wants out of it,....... not save it. Be prepared, b/c many W's will announce they want a D at the MC session.

[Tofbrks]

Thanks sandi I have read all your ww/waw threads... And like you said she fits most of the patterns. Announcing the D at mc is what expect , she was disappointed that it was cancelled for yesterday and postponed till Monday.

Should I just cancel , ask her (temp checking) if she really is into saving to warrant going at all ? Or just let it happen?

[doodler]

She advises me to tell her this in a confident tone, I don't want to be you friend , your buddy or roommate, I want to be your lover and your husband! And as she says give her s kiss of a lifetime... Then walk out and leave...... This goes against db /dt to the core...but this is very out of my character so who knows..

Tofbrks,

I'm betting you're a great guy and a wonderful husband, but if you have to ask the people on this forum if what your friend suggested would work...then it ain't going to work. You're not going to be confident enough to pull it off.

And I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be swashbuckling jerk; I'm little old doodler and I'm just sayin'...