Focus on Me and my boys 2

[J5K]

FML everytimebshe speaks with the boys S7 gets upset at bedtime.

Rich,

My heart and mind battle each other all the time. I think I am doing much better at keeping emotions out of this though. She sees me as cold but what the hey, she filed for D now.

[J5K]

Oh yeah I forgot to add this. She asks are the boys going to Florida this summer and I said I don't know. Like I can afford this with a D that is costing 10s of thousands of dollars. Really!

WTF who is going to pay for their trip?

[rich4j]

$$$ is no object in her mind right now. It's fantasyland & reality hasn't hit yet.

I have heard tons of times on the board about "the fog" and when the WAW/H snaps out of it. Seems like some never do, some do after too long to reconcile or have a chance, and some do in the short term.

Regardless, your WAW is in the big fog of where reality is not there

[CWOL]

And yes, if or when I do move to Toronto it will be on my terms so my boys can be closer to their mother. I just need to make sure I feel 100% correct in making that move.

Jim,
One thing I don't get is why you feel your sons should be attached to your STBXW? It seems like she does not take motherhood for them seriously, and obviously they are not biologically related to her. If she chooses to move back to Toronto and you stay in Michigan, ultimately you and your sons can live your own lives separately from her with complete custody, right?

[J5K]

CWOL

Yes you are correct. I view it as a gift to my boys not for her. I am not saying I will do it in the near term. There needs to be a lot of healing that needs to happen for me and the boys. Guess I am kind of an optimistic and would like to build a healthy relationship in the future. I should probably stop thinking about this right now and just focus on the day to day tasks.

[J5K]

Just received the interrogatories from STBX. Basically does not have any financial info. No mention that she is dating OM and that her parents are gifting the home. What BS. My anxiety is building and can't believe how she is acting.

[sandi2]

FML everytimebshe speaks with the boys S7 gets upset at bedtime.

Do you hear what she is saying to S7? It doesn't take much to upset a child who is separated from mommy at bedtime. I would suggest you tell her make her contact with him when he first gets home from school, b/c it is too upsetting when she calls later. Make it a boundary. When the kids are with you, you control who they talk to on the phone and at what hours, right?

[J5K]

Sandi,

No I do not hear what she is saying to S7 other than she misses him and loves him and plays the victim. She called at 6pm while the boys were eating dinner.

S7 likes to read a lot and is very smart academically. I feel he is affected the most based off of his past history of neglect prior to the first three boys coming to us. He was four and a half at the time.

STBX spent a lot of time shaping these boys into very well mannered boys but she never let them be boys. Neighbors never saw her outside playing with them, even the boys say that mom never plays with them outside.

I hate talking to them about what mom does and does not do with them because I do not want them to struggle with their emotions any more than they are.

The boys naturally bring things up when I do things different than mom and try to get me to do the same things she did. I validate them as best that I can. I don't want to say things like "well mom isn't here is she". This will just make them feel worse and possibly have them have resentment towards me.

I will take note of the boundary, thank you for the suggestion.

[J5K]

So in the interrogatories STBX says I can have the boys long weekends, holidays and summer time.

States she should have custody because she was the primary care giver.

Guess I was just a paycheck.

[doodler]

JimKao,

She sounds like the primary care giver; she only wants the children when they're in school. That's rich.