I hope this means you are posting again. I missed you on these forums. I like this medium because it allows me to read and absorb and take a little time with my responses.
I have lots to catch up on. But you know I have a major girl crush on you and I love any chance to engage and reflect upon your opinions and thoughts.
Anyway, I know you as a warm, funny, lively and eccentric person and your post reminded me of a movie I really think you would enjoy (if you have not seen it allready).
It's called Human Nature. It's a charlie Kaufman film and absolutely hysterical. The protagonist is this very passionate, soulful, and sexual woman played by Patricia Arquette. She longs for love and approval but has this condition which causes her to grow excessive hair all over her body...in a very animalistic/primal way. She ends up settling for and constantly trying to please this uptight guy, played by Tim Robbins who has severe mommy issues and his life long mission is to teach mice proper table manners. (Funniest line is she take him hiking and he's afraid of ticks) the ending is pretty funny and outrageous and harshly realistic too regarding who all the men actually end up going for!! I highly recommend it. I think we share similar senses of humor and this kind of reminds me of both of our past relationships. (For the record I do not have a body hair issues)
See, you never have to worry about intellectual conversation with me! : )
But what i really wanted to say is that, I think it's so important not to allow the feelings or beliefs of others to censor what we do or what we say. Because there is so much that our " human failings " offer... Respectful Debate, reflection, insight, personal growth. And we should never give that type of power to someone else.
I am always drawn to people that have the courage to say and do what they think and want to, regardless of how others will take it. I trust that honesty more then politeness or political correctness. You are very open about your feelings and zues about his opinions.
I actually wish I had the courage to be that way more often and I think its something I have to work on... The not caring if I am liked. I actually find it harder to be like that with other females then With men.
Regarding zues... I could be wrong, but on these forums he reminds me of an old track coach. Someone that calls you out when he sees that your holding back during a race, but always supportive once the race is finished.
My lovely JujuB,
I not really sure I am back or posting again. I can't not post to Zues when he drops by, But kinda wishing I hadn't. It feels like a pandora's box I can't close again. When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut!
As for Charlie Kauhman I love his work, so I will see if I can find Human Nature and download it.
As for your comments about not letting other's influence me from not sharing myself. Well I don't really feel like I live in a world that is ready to here my very dogmatic emotive opinions. I would never think that anybody was entitled to them, or woiuld want them.
This is a long term battle, I find it incrediably hard to hold my ground when I feel or see myself as being inferior to someone else's skill, knowledge and ability to articulate themselves. This is something I have been working on for the last six months and I am still finding that I don't have the skills to hold my own.
I really struggle with people who are equally dogmatic, opinionated and passionate about their positions. I have come to find that my sense of self and esteem and worth gets tied up in their committment to their own position. It is easier for me to conceed or not say anything at all.
Most of this is my own arrogance and ego. Knowing I am right. (cheeky thinking, but to be honest true in some cases).
The other issue that I struggle with is people's readiness to see the barriers that are causing them pain and keeping them suck. Little Miss Fix-it and Little Miss Bossy want to take charge and show them the way. Again arrogance and ego. All Mine!
The other thing I don't manage very well and is bad habit I have is the comparison game I play. If I don't think I'm smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, rich enough, sane enough, generally enough I won't participate. I have felt like that alot on the board. I surprise myself everyday that I ever posted on this board in the first place.
So between taking things too personally, being too emotional, being too opinionated and too lacking in self esteem. I do wonder why I ever pop my head up out of my shell.
You know how I feel about you JujuB. I think you are remarkable! And I have thoroughly enjoyed our interactions and time together.
You are doing so well in you own situation, you have made amazing shift, and you have done so because you are constantly working on yourself and growing. Become more authentic my sweet JujuB, don't change because you are lovely just as you are!
Jellyb, my beautiful friend. What gives you the impression that you're not intellectual?
I read your posts to others and I think to myself: how does she make her advice come off so palatable and beautiful and touching?
Me, I know I can sound curt at times, despite my best intentions.
And you always give such sound advice. My beautiful friend, you are wise and kind. These are classic values that will never go out of style.
Jdks
One of the most beautiful women I know, inside and out and damn funny too!!
I miss you on the party bus!! But I see you have made a met a whole new set of party people here and they love and admire you as much as I do.
I feel aggressive in my post, like you a feel curt, and blunt and generally feel unkind. I would never had intention of hurting anyone's feelings and the possibility that I just might, is too much for me sometimes.
While I am kind and generally warm, I have terrible patience and issues with intolerance. I worry too often that these negative qualities trip out of my mouth. It's never my intention to hurt someone with what I am saying quite the opposite.
Maybe I am far too apologetic for my own good. Meh it's me. I wish there was some kind of financial points incentive on apologies I would be a millionaire and you and lovely Kid could come to NZ for a break from ex, the inlaws and she-devil.
Much love my friend - im still reading your sitch if not posting
I hope you never learn to keep your mouth shut. I really value your opinions regardless of how dogmatic or opinionated. In fact, I value them so much that I feel a real loss knowing that they are out there but not shared.
(On a side note, I like you for being so emotionally involved, passionate and opinionated and how capable you are of taking control when the opportunity arises. No one should ever estimate you as the shy wall flower. You are a very powerful woman)
Do you feel uncomfortable sharing because you are afraid of being judged? Or do you worry about hurting people's feelings or do you fear being unliked or "not nice"? I ask because, I worry about the latter (hurting feelings, not being nice) as well and I think it's what contributes to lack of authenticity. Does that come from the societal requirement to be the "good girl" ? Again, projecting myself onto you so just brainstorming.
I know you will never believe me if I tell you how beautiful and intelligent you are and how superior your wealth of emotional insight is. So I will say this instead. We all come from different backgrounds and we all have different experiences. Our thoughts and opinions all have value. And we all have something to bring to the table. What we have to offer may or may not be helpful to one, but has the potential to help another. There is so much to be said about the sharing and exchange of ideas.
At the very least this is a good place to practice those skills
I don't have much time to post, but I have been reading through his thread as you are so kind to post to mine.
It is so clearly evident that you are a kind, loving, HIGHLY intelligent and insightful woman. Clear as day.
You, however, have the same affliction I have, which I have been trying to overcome. You are tying to your self worth to how you believe others perceive you. May it be your ex, or whoever on the board. You are afraid you aren't being nice, or thoughtful. Youa re worried sooooo much about what others think, and clearly, people think highly of you.
Not everyone will agree with you in life, or even like you, but that doesn't define you. That isn't what makes you a good person or supplies your self worth.
You are an empath, just like me, taking on others feelings, feeling as if you might be the cause of them.
If you read my latest post, I realized digging so deep all the time and trying to improve, improve, improve has taken a toll on me. I will be the first to recognize and admit a fault and want to work on it, but doing that for so long, I never stopped and took the time to see the beauty in the work I have already done and just appreciate me for who I am in the moment.
Please take the time to appreciate who you are right now. Focus more on your positives than your self perceived shortcomings. Maybe we can both find some beauty there.
I hope you never learn to keep your mouth shut. I really value your opinions regardless of how dogmatic or opinionated. In fact, I value them so much that I feel a real loss knowing that they are out there but not shared.
(On a side note, I like you for being so emotionally involved, passionate and opinionated and how capable you are of taking control when the opportunity arises. No one should ever estimate you as the shy wall flower. You are a very powerful woman)
Do you feel uncomfortable sharing because you are afraid of being judged? Or do you worry about hurting people's feelings or do you fear being unliked or "not nice"? I ask because, I worry about the latter (hurting feelings, not being nice) as well and I think it's what contributes to lack of authenticity. Does that come from the societal requirement to be the "good girl" ? Again, projecting myself onto you so just brainstorming.
I know you will never believe me if I tell you how beautiful and intelligent you are and how superior your wealth of emotional insight is. So I will say this instead. We all come from different backgrounds and we all have different experiences. Our thoughts and opinions all have value. And we all have something to bring to the table. What we have to offer may or may not be helpful to one, but has the potential to help another. There is so much to be said about the sharing and exchange of ideas.
At the very least this is a good place to practice those skills
Hugs
J.
Hi JujuB,
Yes I have lots of the "good girl" and throw some Catholic girl guilt on top of that and you pretty much sum me up. I'm generally not too attached to it anymore, in fact what this board as taught is that generally I'm well liked and well respected and I could basically express my opinion and thoughts willy nilly if I wanted.
My time here on the board (about 13 months, although I lurked for about four months prior to that) tells me that feeling inadequate and insufficient have only ever been in my own head. I have much better handle of them now when they spill out and it's often when people are too close and they mean too much to me. For some reason I can't keep them as in check, as I usually would. I generally have no regard for people who's opinion matters little to me, in fact I am reported to be cold and aloof, which suits me fine.
Generally I find it a challenge to let people in and see the naked, raw JellyBxxx, so if a stranger or someone I have no respect for or no click with, and I am happy to move on and never experience a loss or hurt.
The feelings of inadequacy and insufficiency only occurs whose opinion matters to be most. Where I have invested in their regard of me. So I guess when I talk about wanting to be perceived as intelligent , beautiful, funny etc etc, it is only with those whom I value.
I'm am learning that with high levels of self judgement and lack of compassion, so to comes judging others and lacking compassion for them.
I'm not a bad person not by any stretch of the imagine. Could I be more enlightened absolutely, closer to a self that was created as devine, for sure. I am who I am right now however - flawed, loving, neurotic, passionate, emotional and living on the edge most days. But I have come to accept this about myself and as I long as I don't hurt others (by biggest fear right now - with this cornucopia of crazy), I will feel that I have made sufficient shift in life to be happy. I feel this is all I have ever really wanted for life. Is for my presence not to hurt people.
JB! I am so glad to have caught your post- you're back! I've missed you so! Actually, it looks like a lot of people have.
I can't imagine your presence ever hurting people, even if you are "reported to be cold and aloof" to those who you aren't clicking with. Cerebral? Introverted? I get that...I'm right there with you. H at one point called me "condescending". I then went on a bender of depression thinking of how many people might think that of me. At this point, I just try to be the best me I can be. It sounds like you are doing that,too. Learning to accept yourself and love yourself.
We lucky people that have gotten to meet you here get to see your beautiful, loving, intelligent, passionate self as you write, question, advise, and philosophize. You are an amazing woman, JB. I'm glad you are starting to be happy.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I don't have much time to post, but I have been reading through his thread as you are so kind to post to mine.
It is so clearly evident that you are a kind, loving, HIGHLY intelligent and insightful woman. Clear as day.
You, however, have the same affliction I have, which I have been trying to overcome. You are tying to your self worth to how you believe others perceive you. May it be your ex, or whoever on the board. You are afraid you aren't being nice, or thoughtful. Youa re worried sooooo much about what others think, and clearly, people think highly of you.
Not everyone will agree with you in life, or even like you, but that doesn't define you. That isn't what makes you a good person or supplies your self worth.
You are an empath, just like me, taking on others feelings, feeling as if you might be the cause of them.
If you read my latest post, I realized digging so deep all the time and trying to improve, improve, improve has taken a toll on me. I will be the first to recognize and admit a fault and want to work on it, but doing that for so long, I never stopped and took the time to see the beauty in the work I have already done and just appreciate me for who I am in the moment.
Please take the time to appreciate who you are right now. Focus more on your positives than your self perceived shortcomings. Maybe we can both find some beauty there.
Hi Ginger,
I have read many of your posts on many threads and I have always valued your wisdom and kind heart.
When I read your recent posts on your threads this week, I felt compelled to connect with you. When I read you were an ICU nurse prior to having to juggle the consequences BD and D, I knew immediately what speaks to me about you and I feel I have sense of what touches you about life and love. I have had a number of friends who have worked in your field and mostly peds...WOW Ginger.
You feel so familiar to me as a person, I think as someone I would likely want to know more about, but also I see myself in you, the empath, the in in between girl, girl in recovery from attempting to fix herself too much. I have moved in and out of those roles, titles and prisons over a lifetime.
I love the title of your thread Ginger, it is time for Peace. For both of us.
Thank you for stopping by my place Ginger, I so appreciate it.
JB! I am so glad to have caught your post- you're back! I've missed you so! Actually, it looks like a lot of people have.
I can't imagine your presence ever hurting people, even if you are "reported to be cold and aloof" to those who you aren't clicking with. Cerebral? Introverted? I get that...I'm right there with you. H at one point called me "condescending". I then went on a bender of depression thinking of how many people might think that of me. At this point, I just try to be the best me I can be. It sounds like you are doing that,too. Learning to accept yourself and love yourself.
We lucky people that have gotten to meet you here get to see your beautiful, loving, intelligent, passionate self as you write, question, advise, and philosophize. You are an amazing woman, JB. I'm glad you are starting to be happy.
Lovely Cil,
I haven't been far away, I read you threads always. You are in great hands in MLC, they are amazing there and I see you offering so much of yourself to others here and your wisdom is so spot on and given with such grace and kindness.
I'm becoming more and more comfortable with my introverted ways and finding myself more and attracted to introverts in my friendships. For a long time I surrounded myself with extroverts in the hope that my awkward ways would go unnoticed. I'm finding that while I used to me painfully shy, and I can be social and engaging without having to be the life of the party. Too many big personalities always shut me down, but I no longer take that to mean that I don't fit in. Learning to trust people more due to my time here on the board has created shift I never knew was possible.
You know I think you're amazing, if and when I am back in the US, maybe November time 2016, maybe there is a chance of catching up. If you think that is something you might like find Zelda New, look for the Hobbit, on the one and only social media phenomenon we have call come to love to hate. She knows how to find me.
