I saw my IC on Wednesday; it's always nice to talk with her because she's so supportive. If you find an IC that you like, I think it'll make a huge difference as you move forward.
I don't have the words to say how much appreciate my IC. Without her, I think I'd still be flailing around and wondering what I should do next. She's given me a lot of strength and bolstered my confidence. Definitely try to find a good IC.
I was reading your earlier post and you mention that you seem to be becoming your H's therapist. Did he confide to you in the past or is that a new thing? It sounds so strange to me, but then again nothing should surprise us any more. My H is reporting all his health ailments to me on a daily (if not hourly) basis, but I cannot for the life of me remember if it is something he did in the past or not. And it's not because I was not paying attention but I do have pretty poor memory. Not really complaining about my bad memory though, as it is a blessing in disguise. Some times I think if I remembered everything I would go mad. Writing this just now I realised that maybe my bad memory is some sort of self protecting mechanism or something?
Anyway, enough about me, I hope you are doing well.
And many many thanks for your inspirational reply to my thread, I really appreciate it.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Hey Dood, IP, and Esame. Thanks so much for checking in on me. I wish I could offer better support back. I keep trying to write an update or post on people's threads, but...just having a hard time getting thoughts and feelings together right now. So much is happening at once and I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'll try to organize a bit here.
1) H and I continue to talk as "friends" when he calls me about one thing or another or when he comes to do things at the house. He has been packing up the garage and shop but seems to have a hard time touching the stuff in the house. He has been telling me how amazing I have been about getting house and grounds taken care of and packed. Keeps saying he "owes me" and brings me little things. He goes to our vacation property a lot now. Every weekend night.
2) I passed my math placement test enough to have tested out of college algebra. I am now signed up for my pre-req classes which start in July. I'll be applying for my masters program this fall to start next June (if accepted).
3)I get keys to my apartment Friday and "big move day" is Saturday (heavy stuff). I don't want H's help, though he offered. But I am a little short on strong people with pickup trucks to do lifting...missing the so called friends that I've helped move often over the years. Yeah, I'm a bit bitter, tired and grumpy.
4)My L sent me an e-mail yesterday that she was sending H's L. Apparently my L had tried to update H's L mid-May as to our house sitch (it sold) and set up a date for mediation #2 (we had agreed to meet in July). H's L never responded so she sent the second email. I told her that was fine, but that we should not be aggressively pursuing this. I had told H early on that I would only effort working on M and if he wanted a D it was all on him. I emphasized this with my L. H has disclosed that he has not spoken with his L because he owes her money.
5) My mom, who has been calling 2x a day, has now broached the subject of moving 1500 miles away from her friends, my siblings (including my older sis who is in charge of her health care), and her other grand kids as well as her doctors to be near me. I understand but don't think its a good idea and, selfishly, I just don't think I can handle her or anyone else being dependent on me right now. Too much to think about.
So there's the update. Just journaling to see it in black and white. There's so much more, but at least I can see some of the chaos in my head and maybe respond to the questions asked by you all. My foot is ok, I haven't called my doc for an IC recommendation, but I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. I'll try to write better tonight. It all just looks...selfish and not expressed well right now. But its an update. Meh.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Congratulations on passing your math placement test. It's a good first step and I know you'll ace the Masters Program.
I'm glad you are getting the keys to your apartment this Friday. Finally, you can begin moving some of your belongings in. I'm sorry that some of the friends has kind of disappeared on you...it always seems to be the way things work out.
I agree w/you...your mom needs to stay put. You do not need any additional stressors at this time.
Please take care of yourself and good luck w/the move!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congrats on passing your test! Ang best of luck with the application for the masters. I cannot remember what your specialism is, mine is Further Education so if you need any help let me know.
Maybe you can use the masters and your academic commitments as an excuse to deter your mum from moving near you, just a thought really.
I know what you mean about the chaos in your head, I feel the same way... Good luck with the move too, hopefully after it is all done you can get some order in your life...
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Reading about that makes me want to go back to school. I loved college. I've got two bachelors degrees and a masters degree, and if it weren't for needing financial security, I think I would've been a professional student.
I had an IC session yesterday and I mentioned you. I told my therapist that I'd finally found a case that has a lot of similarities to mine (EA with a "special friend" and friend's spouse seems to be accepting of the EA).
Anyway, it sounds like you're super-busy. I hope you'll have an opportunity to relax and unwind sometime in the near future.
I wish I could offer better support back. I keep trying to write an update or post on people's threads, but...just having a hard time getting thoughts and feelings together right now. So much is happening at once and I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'll try to organize a bit here.
By the way, I forgot to mention on my last post (my head is all over the place too) that you don't have to try to support any of us, you do that anyway! No one expects help, we are all in this pot (to avoid using a word that will be censored) together. We all struggle and we all try to help each other. Some people have the clarity to write London thoughtful posts, some of us just pop in for a quick word. You have helped me (and others I'm sure) a lot, I really appreciate it. (((Ciluzen)))
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Thanks for the support and hugs, guys. Much needed and appreciated! Hugs and good vibes right back to you all!
Esame, when I started college my goal was to go to med school and become a psychiatrist. I got sidetracked with my "independence" (parties, friends and exploration of life...euphemisms, all) and also had an artist/visiting prof urge me to switch to an art major. My young ego felt compelled to listen without thinking it through. But I've never lost that interest in how the mind works. I've been in education, specifically art and also dealing with special needs (my "real" job has me working with teens with autism), but now want to get back to psychology. I will pursue a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy.
I'm putting my mother's issues on the back burner. I need to discuss this further with my older sis. But yes, I just don't feel that I can deal with my mom's needs right now.
Dood, our cases are somewhat similar. I'm sure there are others, too. In fact I know there are. People are strange...
I'm happy your IC is so helpful. I plan on trying to find one as soon as I'm done with the whole house to apartment move. Tonight I get keys, moving in tomorrow (and slowly this week), garage sale next Saturday, and closing on house sale the week after. Then a bit of down time (except for unpacking) until classes start in July.
Its all very do-able.
Job, thanks for checking in on me. I am taking care of me. Went out with my running group (still walking with foot issue) last night and a great dinner at a favorite restaurant...outside people watching. Reached out to a new friend I'm concerned about on the phone. Its all good. I plan on major self-care once the house closes. Hiking, doc appointments, friend time, and one big pampering session thanks to my mom's Christmas gift to me (spa gift certificate).
I'm good. First post not mentioning H (oops! I just did.)
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I'm happy your IC is so helpful. I plan on trying to find one as soon as I'm done with the whole house to apartment move. Tonight I get keys, moving in tomorrow (and slowly this week), garage sale next Saturday, and closing on house sale the week after. Then a bit of down time (except for unpacking) until classes start in July.
Just a note regarding my IC: she was originally my MC. I've mentioned that before, but I don't think that I mentioned that, at first, I thought she was a not-so-good therapist. The first time my wife and I saw her, things went relatively well. The second time, not so well. The third time was horrendous (there's much longer story behind it). After that, I though that maybe I'd made a big mistake.
During the MC counseling, I'd gone to a couple of IC sessions with her as well. I continued on with IC after the MC melt-down because she already knew the marital background (i.e. she was someone to talk to). After having about five IC sessions with her, I realized she knew exactly what she was doing. In fact, she knows nothing about DB, but she essentially takes the same approach.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again, if it weren't for her, I'd still be flailing around with regard to friendship or EA. But look at me now, I'm trying to start a scuffle with the OM. (That's not her fault.)
The point I'm making is that my IC is very good, I just didn't realize that at the start because she was already stirring the hornets nest.
I am taking care of me. Went out with my running group (still walking with foot issue) last night and a great dinner at a favorite restaurant...outside people watching. Reached out to a new friend I'm concerned about on the phone. Its all good. I plan on major self-care once the house closes. Hiking, doc appointments, friend time, and one big pampering session thanks to my mom's Christmas gift to me (spa gift certificate). 
(That's not her fault.)