It kind of concerns me that D21 is already making excuses for OMs behavior. Not saying that we shouldn't have compassion for the mental health and addiction issues of others, but seriously.... Your kids should not have to be exposed to this chaos.
D19 may be much happier living with your sister, out of the chaos and able to get to work by herself. Does she have a bike? If not, can you get her one?
As for S14...... What does he want? He's old enough that the courts will take his wishes into consideration.
Kml, d21 is an interesting one. A couple of years ago she was living with me and wouldn't even acknowledge her Mom/W on Mother's Day. But with her pregnancy and the complications she has had, they have drawn closer.
S14's wishes? He wants to go back to his old school, his old friends, and live with W. But his recent arrest for shoplifting and unauthorized use of W's and om's credit card, show me he needs a new start. But he likes staying here with me, I just need to show living with me is for s14's "best interests".
I was wrong - Next week's hearing is not for custody but for the property division/financial issues. The custody hearing is in 2 weeks.
Journaling/Venting: Friday was difficult. We had our first divorce mediation to deal with the financial issues. The mediator saw that we do not have much to fight over. He told us to just keep what we have and don't go to court b/c it's not worth fighting over.
W had claims for a tax refund, she wanted half the value of my self-employed law business, she wanted me to deal with the van titled in her name which is dangerous and sitting in her condo parking lot.
I had a claim for $4,900+ which she "misappropriated" from d20's education UTMA account. None of it went to the school and she spent it all.
The mediation got heated when the mediator wanted us to sign an agreement, and I told W's lawyer "I'm not signing anything today." and when she persisted I said "am I being unclear? I'm not signing anything today." The mediator pushed in and told me there is no reason not to sign an agreement today, and I said I wanted to wait until we dealt with the child custody issue which is coming up Tuesday.
W blurted out "do you see what I have to deal with? This is why it's taken so long for us to get a divorce. (referring to our 3+ years of separation.)
I lost it. I wanted to start screaming at her. Telling her I gave her the exact same divorce papers in March of 2014 (pre-DB) when she told me she was dating other men. She just started the divorce this past March, so we are still early on in the divorce. But I didn't say a word and just left the mediation. The negotiating was over. --------- OK, which leads us to the custody issue for s14. He had dinner with W last night and when he came back the first words out of his mouth are "I don't want to live with you for the school year." This is heartbreaking, but it does not break my resolve.
This is why I want s14 to live with me: S14 was recently arrested for shoplifting a knife. Last January he pulled a knife and threatened om who is living with W. And last August, om broke into W's place in front of s14 and d19, assaulted W, and took a handful of opiates with om attempting suicide. The word I am going to use at Tuesday's custody mediation is that om is "unstable".
S14 wants to be back with his old friends and not have a change in his life. I get it. But going into high school is a good time to do this sort of transition.
Hey, I wanted to come by and let you know that I am keeping up with you. I know that all of this really happening bites, but you will get through it.
I felt as if I did everything I could when I was going through this myself. I wanted my kids to know that I fought for us to stay together.
My S20 acted up in high school. He used to sneak out in the middle of the night and just walk. It took me a while to figure out how we was getting out with the door still chained. Then he would cut classes. I was on him all the time and then finally hit the wall. Time for him to clean up his own messes because he wasn't going to learn anything by my doing it for him. This is my son that has the baby and is now married. He really is the best Dad I have ever seen.
Is there anyway that you an take him by juvenile hall so he can see where he could end up if he doesn't straighten himself out?
Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Imagine you told a horrible secret to your spouse. And the night before you fight over custody of your 14 year old son, your spouse threatens to reveal your dark secret if you don't drop your claim for custody.
Yes, W texted me at 1 am last night with that threat.
I did not back down, and did not respond to W, and went full speed forward trying to get custody of s14.
I tore om to shreds "he's unstable", he attempted suicide last August, and s14 and om hate each other to the point where s14 pulled a knife on him. Also bad grades. With s14's recent arrest for shoplifting a few weeks ago, this was pretty strong evidence to take a teenager away from his mom, though she's been the primary caretaker for him all of his life.
W did not reveal the dark secret. We were both pretty nice to each other (I called her a good mother, she said I would help s14 get his homework done.)
The mediators said it would be a "coin flip" if the custody issue went to court.
So guess what?! I am divorced now! (sort of). We agreed that s14 would go to the high school by my apartment. We will do alternate weeks with s14. We ironed out all of the other issues. And read our agreement in front of a judge.
Ok its not really final until the court order is entered. This may take 3 weeks, but everything now is agreed to.
W was bawling at then end b/c she will have less time with s14. I was beaming with a smile that was ear to ear. I have stood as long as I could. Tomorrow looks like a brighter day.
Good for you not being blackmailed, though she tried. So will she get less money now? Also glad that you let all those issues with om out in the open. Maybe don't tell your w secrets in the future.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat. Yes, she gets a little less child support. She gave up her rights to seek alimony/maintenance, so we will not litigate this down the road. She has no claim to the value of my law firm. It worked out pretty well.
Now this is really scary and weird. S14 is staying at W's place, and he went for a walk last night. Right in front of him, on fairly busy street, but still in suburbia, an older woman was walking in front of him in a crosswalk. A car stopped at the stop sign, but then lurched forward running over the older woman! The car raced off, being a classic hit and run.
I don't know if s14 called an ambulance or the police. But s14 was traumatized. He told W the first thing he did was pray for her. Which is great, but perhaps he needs to also learn about seeing if there anything he can do to help the victim.
The car raced off, being a classic hit and run.