My Wife Walked Out

[RSG]

Thanks, started that today. Numerous things have been going on today that I would've conversed about with her. But, besides trying to figure out who S schedule for next week, I haven't said much. My son is having a good day, and very happy, but I'm missing her today. It's taking everything I have to keep from starting a text conversation just so I don't feel lonely.

[cbtdad]

RSG,
This is why GAL is so important
You've got to being doing stuff and keeping yourself busy or your mind will wonder
Your W is not going to help your loniliness right now and you know that
So don't go down that path!

[RSG]

I went out yesterday, it was great. But, I'm spending the day with my son and it's rainy outside. Haven't really been able to leave. The one chance we got, we went to the park and he had zero interest in running around and asked to go back home.

Just one of those moments I guess. I honestly haven't had too many of them in these 2 weeks, just chalking it up to a weak couple of hours and letting out some pent up emotions. If it feels wrong it's probably right.....now that I'm out of my little funk I realize texting her when I felt down would've been an admittance, from her point of view, that I need her to be happy.

[RSG]

Welp. Called to FaceTime with S. First thing, called me by OP's name. Unbelievable. Then is begging me to rearrange my work schedule because Camp runs 9-4, and she's too stressed to keep him 5 days. She wants me to bring him to Camp. I simply cannot believe this. I just want to scream in her face, this is difficult because of YOU and your selfish BS. It's what she deserves to hear, that's for sure. I didn't say anything ugly, but she got long, angry stares. Disrespect me to my face and ask for favors???????

[RSG]

Today. WW comes home to pick up my son for camp. I feel like she's going to say something, so I just say go ahead. "I'm done. I don't want to try."

Based on our conversation throughout the day, she still seems to be in the fog. After telling me she's done, she's been stressed at work all day and texting me her troubles. I end up telling her she's a good teacher, and she responds with "but a terrible wife." We talk a little more, and the closest thing to a real answer as to why is the ILYBNILWY nonsense.

She's admitted she needs me because she cannot look after our son alone. I've actually gotten better at this than her. She obviously needs me emotionally based on how we've corresponded the last 2 weeks, since she left. I just don't get it. I'm obviously trying to reach an unreasonable person.


Sandi, anyone help me out here? I'm having a rough day!

[cbtdad]

RSG, I know its tough man. You are doing good. Just keep putting one step in front of the other. Remember when your W is reaching out to you emotionally she is cake eating. Don't be rude, but keep it to one or two word responses.
Back my first time around there was a poster named URworthy
I'm not sure she is around anymore, but she use to have very wise words. Here is something I saved that you may find usesful:
"Trying to understand the "crazy' is never gonna pay off for you. Try to accept the new reality of what is happening around you, and not let your mind wander to the land of "what ifs" and "whys"
There are a lot of scary creatures that live there.....
What she is doing, doesn't make you better, or her worse, it is what it is... It doesn't mean it always has to be this way..."

I hope that helps
Hang in there!

[RSG]

Thanks for the support. I'll definitely keep it down to my son and quick words.

That quote kind of helps, although what she is doing DOES make her worse. She's destroying this family, breaking my heart and affecting her son in a terribly negative way with her selfishness.

I reread Sandy's post about WW's. I thought she was past the weird period in the fog, but she's still languishing in it obviously.

"It doesn't always have to be this way." That part really helps. I know I'm a good man, a great Dad and can be a good husband. Someone will be lucky to have me, and an amazing son, in the future.

[RSG]

She called to say goodnight to S. I asked why she didn't want to Facetime and see him, she said she wasn't looking so good. Her voice was cracking and she didn't spend more than 45 seconds talking to him, and we shared a very flat goodbye. I know she was crying and coming to realize the cost of her actions.

Is it wrong that this made me feel better? I do think her comments today will make it easier for me to detach. I know the woman I love is in there. She tries to come out, but the lunatic in charge of her mind keeps her at bay. Sure, she denies this is so, but I can tell. Something's really going to hit home with her and pull her out of the fog, I just don't know when.

[Coconut]

Is it wrong that her crying made you feel better? Nope, you know why, because your feelings are your feelings and they are neither right or wrong, they just are.

BUT, I will say that I really hurt my wife when I outted the A on her fire station chat, and even though she has caused me so much pain, I felt HORRIBLE!!! Even after all the pain I have gone through, I love that woman, and I don't like to see her hurt. With that said, I don't mind seeing her tear up because she's sad about our situation, that feels good to me, maybe it's just because she's hurting, but I think it's more because she's hurting about the loss of what we had.

RSG, I see a lot of hope in your situation, you are strong and are doing the right things. Even if it doesn't work out with your WW, I know you'll be ok, but I think you have a lot of hope in getting to chose to be with her or move on. That's the most we can wish for, to get to be part of the decision on if there is a future R with us and our S, and not just have them make the decision before we even knew the question was asked.

[sandi2]

Sure, she denies this is so, but I can tell. Something's really going to hit home with her and pull her out of the fog, I just don't know when.

A fog is usually so temporary......and it's pretty good, I guess, at describing part of the WW. Personally, I think it runs deeper, b/c it begins in the mental attitude. The resentment and disrespect probably stay the longest, and are the hardest for her to delete, IMHO. It raises its ugly head the quickest after the couple tries to piece the M back together.

You can't really give a time slot to how long it will last. My resentment and disrespect for my H went for years before I rebelled. My rebellion actually didn't last very long, compared to many. I don't think Coconut's W has rebelled as long as most of the stories we read. So, you can't put a time clock on them.