Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

Tough weekend. For those having to "pack up" how do you keep focused?

Although my "exit" date from the house is still weeks away I started to go through things to start to separate stuff

I hit some of the piles of pictures we had and totally lost it. Pictures of some great vacations, fun times....and just sat there saying what? why? how? Ugh....

I went to a place I haven't in months thinking maybe she would wake up after I am gone and realize what has happened and what she has lost? I have read this on a few threads and do realize that is probably a pipe dream but how and when do you get past this? My nightmare started last August as it will be a year soon when I am most likely sitting in my new residence solo. Life has some weird twists and turns...

[J5K]

Rich

It's hard to stay focused I am with you. Time to pack and unpack though! One thing at a time my friend!

[ciluzen]

Yeah, I'm there, too. I just keep moving. H is in a small apartment but is also keeping our vacation home (too far to live in). I'm moving into an apartment with our dog. So, we will be also sharing a storage locker for things that will go into a house when I buy one next year and for whenever and whatever he decides to do after D. So much stuff...

Just one box at a time, one task at a time. Those pictures, though. I think they go last.

[rich4j]

Definitely should not have gone to the pictures.....that was killer

Found the wedding pics and then some from one of our last great vacations together.

In the interim, I am getting emails from her as she is away about paying for this and that while I pine over old times and the way it was... a bit pitiful. Especially knowing she is with another. I really can only pray that in time I will rise above all of this and find hapiness again. Its going to be such a challenge this transition.

Ciluzen-good luck with your move....I don't look forward to this but its part of the transition I guess.

[rich4j]

So the last few weeks have been tough. I thought I was on the path to "OK" or getting better as the prior 3-4 weeks I was not missing our former R (even though living in the same house still!) and things with daughter were good.

But I am stuck in a rut. Does this happen alot to those going through this? I am on month 5 since she filed while we still live together.

I continue to have the silly thoughts that one night we are going to talk and she is going to break down and say this is stupid lets figure this out! Then I say to myself "Myself...could I even reconcile at this point and try to move forward with her?". Part of me says try try try for me and my daughter and the other me says time to move on and see how things heal first. Then I snap out of it and that fantasy is just that...a fantasy.

I think there is a direct correlation with GAL'ing or lack thereof and going back to the comfort zone of my STBX. My GALing hit a slump the last week or 2. I feel so sad sometimes when in this slump and like a big loser. Not sure if any of you do this but I constantly now look around at others to see if they have rings on, do they look happy, how are they still married? It drives me nuts.

I know its impacting my daughter as she has been acting out a bit at school as she got into it with one of her best friends and told me she was very angry the other day at both of us. She would not say why but just pouted.....she doesn't know yet but she knows something is up. Anyone with young kids go through this and did their children get thru it oK?

I started to read Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce.....and some of the things are spot on. They say the Crazy Time can last at least up to 2 years which I don't think I can take if I have another year of this....

[J5K]

Rich

Remember you are the prize so if your R is rekindled it should be because W comes back to you.

My boys have been acting out and it is difficult but once in a groove and things settle down your D will be a little more comfortable.

[rich4j]

thx JK- I marvel how you are keeping it together with a pack of 5!!! You da man and hope your next few weeks smooth out with the move.

I struggle with 1!

When i get down like this I usually need to schedule time with our therapist. She helps me walk through the feelings and puts things into perspective for me. Hits me every few weeks...I hope it stops but I guess its healthier to get this stuff out than boil and stew over it.

I have read some of the stories here over the last few months of the WAW finally waking up. I know it has been said that the divorce is just a piece of paper and that is how I am going to have to treat it. For some crazy reason I keep thinking by STBX will have an awakening. I can't go into all the details but she has struggled with some health issues over the past 2 years that have put her into a different state and also a work venture that has her on cloud 9 for the last 6 months. But those things are starting to crumble a bit and I see her getting angrier at me for this divorce which is her doing.

Hope is not a strategy I always say and I need to refocus back on the prize which is my daughter and getting myself mentally healthy again. I am in a high stress job environment and sometimes I think I am going to have to leave my role with all that is going on in my life to handle this situation. It is crazy but trying to keep the strength and my act together to plow through this rough period. Just a bad wave right now....

[vise82]

Hey

For the photos I read on here that you could just send the photos out to get digitally copied then just give W the digital copies.

I have not done that yet but I think its a good idea. We had a room divider with 8x10 all over it in each panel from our wedding. It has been up until the last day at the house. W would walk by it everyday. She never said anything about it. She did not want it.

For the young kids yes they will act out. I had complaints from the school. It changed nothing.

Keep up the good work, keep going to the therapist if you need to.

[rich4j]

thx Vise

I am going to the therapist this week...just rang her as I can't take dealing with my STBX ..... Rude, mean and just disrespectful. Sound familiar?

I don't know how this is going to work out with the divorce and co parenting as she is just off. Has no respect that I am working my tail off and now will have to support 2 families/living arrangements and she still has no job. It eats at me every day and its crazy for me to even have stupid thoughts about R ever.....it turns on a dime where I can be thinking this way and then with a few texts just have pure anger and resentment towards her.

Venting.....

[vise82]

Hey,

Keep venting.

Yes sound familiar. W would get that way when ever she was not getting what she wanted.

She is getting what she wants now. She is on her own.

You are going to get conflicting feelings just remember they are feelings and they will pass. Make decisions based on your goals, stick with what your brain is saying. not the heart (feelings).

You can get through this.