So, I have been a bit in denial about the length of h's hair. But today at dinner I faced my fear. I googled the dreaded "m" word and looked at images and yes, I think it is officially a mullet.
Here is something reassuring. I thought mullets originated in the 80's but actually, the style may have predated man's ability to write! In fact the Great Sphinx has a mullet! So see, it's a hairstyle that has weathered the test of time!
This all made me feel much better. Until I happened to read about Samuel Taylor Coleridge's mullet. He grew one because of his opium addiction and his bad marriage. So, who am I kidding? The mullet is a bellwether of tough times. A 50 year old with a mullet just screams MLC. He might as well toss on the beret, mesh top, bedazzled jeans and sneakers with wheels on them.
Peekout continues with certain oddities jutting out. He seems to have real moments of clarity. He is texting me a bit about nonessential stuff and even texted me to let me know one of the kid's left a lunch on the counter. Usually he is way too self absorbed to see those sorts of things. There has been some eye contact. And he has at times been chatty.
This one is kind of funny and shows his very immature PA tendencies. S12 had a huge project due this week. I had to drive him to school early as it was due in class before school started. At the end of the day S mentioned it in front of h and h seemed hurt that no one told him it was due that day. Poor guy. He just doesn't know he's been mentally MIA for the last few months. So, at dinner, h said to s: why didn't you tell me? S did not answer as it was clear it didn't even occur to him to do so. He's been a body here but not much more. So s starts to say that the teacher liked the project and that it presented well. H, who is still a wounded little boy is at the blender. He says "just a minute" and turns on the blender as s is talking. He takes 2 minutes (no lie!) to blend what takes 15 seconds. S knows exactly the point immature h is making. Seriously stupid behavior.
The eating situation is getting kind of funny, too. I don't think it's real paranoia vs. severe PA/childhood projection. Get this. A few days ago, I changed things up and rather than staying silent and setting up a buffet, when he came to dinner I told him: there is x and y for dinner. Well, he fixed a plate (very, very small) and ate. In the morning I saw he ate all the leftovers after dinner.
A few days ago, I again told him what was for dinner and this time, I asked if he was eating. He was caught off guard and said: "I am not sure." He was fidgety and indeed didn't seem to know if he should eat or not. He did not eat. But later, while I watched tv with sons, he came into the kitchen and again ate all that night's leftovers. I saw him do it!
Today, I again told him what was for dinner and he ate a normal portion with us.
Bright, as for mentioning his moving back to MBR, when he gripes again, I am sure he will decline. He still needs lots and lots of time in that room. But the question should lead him to stop whining. He has choices.
The other morning he was replaying some of his classic MLC songs. Up to now, I have listened and tried to figure out where he is. This time I just didn't care. I walked out and got on with my day and that felt great!
Still waiting for him to go underground.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Ok, not being a native English speaker, I didn't know what a mullet is, thank you for the educational prompt to use google images and it really cheered me up. And trust me, it is pretty difficult to cheer me up at the moment!
Back to your teen aged/ MLC / strange H, well it sounds like the crazy is settling a little but who knows?
I love your writing style and sense of humour HW, I'll always think of you when I see a mullet (only kidding)
Take care x
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Oh my goodness, a mullet is the WORST hair style ever!! HaWho, don't forget to add red trousers and a cravat for more formal options....school events maybe?
Interesting about the whole food thing and definitely a pattern there.....
Glad to hear things are settling a little and sounds like you are doing well xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
HaWho, The mullet? I think of Billy Ray Cyrus when I hear that word! LOL! He is definitely trying different things to change up his appearance to see if he'll feel better...it's not going to work very long, because no one is going to compliment him on that style, especially at h is age. I wonder if he'll get an ear pierced or a tat before it's over with??? What about facial hair? Any sign of growing a beard, etc.? Manscaping is another thing that some of them do. Any changes in clothing styles? Mine went out and bought sneakers with the lights in the heals that blink when you walk. Yep, he sure did!
As for eating...I had to laugh. When you tell him what's for dinner he eats, but if you ask him if he's eating w/you, he doesn't, but goes out later to get something to eat. Sounds like he prefers "mom" to tell him what's cooking.
As for your s, I'm sorry your h was an @ss and used the blender while your s was trying to talk about his project. That is just plain rude. He needed to be called on that behavior, just as you would have w/your children.
The reason I suggested asking him about moving out of the dorm room is because it just might stop the whining about how small his little room is. It would give him something to think about and no, he will not want to move back upstairs, but it might shut him up w/the whining.
Sounds like he's moving along the tunnel and is slowly experimenting w/new things. Hopefully he'll soon grow up and put all of this behind him.
BTW, he needs to get the Achy Breaky Heart song sung by Billy Ray Cyrus to go along w/that mullet. LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Esame - I am so sad to hear that it is through my h's hair that you were first educated on what a mullet is. Just to be clear, right now, the length is approximately 1 1/2 inches below his ear. (Oh please, please do not go to the shoulders.)
Sotto - thank you for making me laugh out loud. The idea of him in red trousers and a cravat, with mullet, makes me burst out into laughter every time. And yes, the mullet is the worst.
Job - oh, I forgot about Billy Ray Cyrus! You know Job, about the blender situation, I need some advice. His behavior was extremely rude. But I was really heistant to call him out in front of my kids. I just hate to fight in front of them. And I do think no matter how calm I am when I call him out, he'll lash out. Is it too late to call him out once the kids are not around?
So far, no facial hair or other changes in appearance. But years ago, at the beginning of all this, he was growing facial hair and changing his facial look a lot. He stopped when he realized there was white in his beard!! There are no wardrobe changes either. By the way, he has plenty of hair on top and has no balding! But he is getting silver. I think he looks handsome. Or, I thought he did until that stupid mullet made it's debut.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Haawho, I don't think I've posted on your thread... I'm kind of a shameless lurker trying to learn all that I can. Gosh, you really do handle your situation well... Even if you don't feel it- I see a ton of compassion in you.
I'll never forget when my h was growing his hair out. It wasn't too long, but he was trying to grow it longer up top to cover his thinning/ bald spot (AKA combover). I noticed it but didn't really think of it too much, except for one day I came over to pick up the dog and he had turned those longish tresses into a Mohawk... Yep a Mohawk! He looked rediculous. Just part of one of his experiential facades I suppose.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
HaWho, Let me ask you this...when your sons do something rude or act out...do you wait and discuss it w/them later? If the answer is no, you will do the same thing w/your h. Why? Because he's a child in a man's body right now and if you don't point out the rude behavior in a nice way, he won't remember it later on.
There are times when it's best to speak in private, but this blender deal...I would have called Mullet Boy out right then and there about his rude behavior. Then again, the next time he wants to talk about something he's done, turn the darn blender on just as he did...he might get the message loud and clear if you did it to him. See...I can be "mommy dearest" w/the best of them. LOL!
BTW, any clothing changes in the undies? Like going from boxers to briefs or thongs? They do that too. What about tanning? Man, I could give you an entire list of why my xh tried...right down to laser eye surgery.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Feyth - I've thought about it and I'll take the Mohawk over the mullet. With a Mohawk people might mistake him for a really bad cover band musician? But with a mullet? He looks like he should be featured on "To Catch a Predator."
Job - it really helps to think of how I would have handled it if one of my kids did the same. Now I know for the future. I should have waited until he turned off the blender and then I would have said "did that need to be done as someone was speaking mid-sentence? That is not polite." (Truth be told, though, my kids are quite polite and they would not pull this stunt.) Sometimes I am so stunned by his antics that it's like I was shot with a tranquilizer gun. I am slow as molasses to react.
Regarding your questions Job, the style of his unmentionables has not changed. Unless he hides them. He does his own laundry but sometimes I take his out of the dryer to put mine in there. And I haven't seen anything.
He is tanner but this is from being outside not from tanning beds as his upper arm and chest/back are white. He does wear trendier shoes but they are totally age appropriate. He does wear differerent sneakers but again, nothing outrageous. No wheels of lights on them--LOL!
So far, appearance-wise, it's: the mullet, he's tanner and he focuses on certain foods/supplements that slow aging and keep you from gaining weight.
OMG: I cannot believe he has a mullet!!! I think this alone grants me an annulment.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Ok HW, I think you should just join H in the 80's era and rat your hair into a hairbear style. Aqua Net works the best. Also, flip your head forward, spray all over, and Walla!!
I am glad, no, VERY HAPPY, that H has calmed down. Your family coming really threw him into a major hissy. I guess they really are emotionally fragile, it has opened my eyes a bit.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
