In the UK - PT 18 'Dark O'Clock'

[roist]

I have noticed on this board and for myself that it is useful to fully examine anything you really feel that you "HAVE TO DO". Ask 6ourself why. With that answer ask yourself why/for what purpose. Keep repeating until you reach the core reason. Then decide if the behaviour or action is appropriate

[Sotto]

Yes, I agree with others that there is no need to react and that you don't 'have' to do anything. She may just be tugging on your chain to seek a reaction perhaps and you may choose to believe nothing she says...

If she 'does' stuff (ie: not bring the kids today) that's different. And if that's the case I would agree that the time you each have with the kids needs to be clarified - along with financials if you haven't done that already. I would think doing these things is sensible in any case if you have been S for a while.

I think when we are more detached, it is easier to just raise an eyebrow inwardly and go about our day without being too rattled by things the WAS says - but for many of us it is a work in progress.

Hope you have a good day Huddy x

[Huddy]

In the end, she brought the kids over with no problems or complaints. I just don't understand the motives or idea behind some of the shite that comes out of her mouth at times, I really don't. If it was some kind of 'chain pulling' or temp check, I'm not sure what she could gain out of it. Bizarre.

Anyway, we had a great teatime and (unusually) for chilly old Scotland, it's been warm and sunny to boot. Onwards, completely puzzled, again!

[rd500]

Hi Huddy. Not that it's worth giving headspace to BUT it seems she was trying to get a reaction , why ? Who cares

She is running up and down a chesseless tunnel and that's that

Glad you've got the good weather.

Take care. Rd

[Huddy]

If you're reading this, please note I have a had a full bottle of wine, at 15%, and I am pi$$ed - right royally pi$$ed out of my skull, as it's the only way I can can cope tonight.

I woke up with a terrible sense of lonliness. I miss my wife, I ache for her and my kids, daily. I had a small GAL activity last night and I didn't enjoy it one jot I went home after one drink - what a saddo.

I got up in a miserable mood. I watched 'Homes Under the Hammer' on TV, followed by some film on Channel 4. I dragged myself to the gym - why? It doesn't seem to attract anybody. I don't feel more attractive, I feel like sh1t. Yeah, my muscles are growing, my girth gets smaller, some female colleagues remark on my appearance. I think they just feel sorry for me - 'there goes huddy. What a wank*er - doesn't realise his wife ain't coming back'. What a loser.

I came home after todays 'self fladulation'. 60 minutes of graft. What for?

Read a book for two hours. Had some scotch eggs. Had a bath, got pi$$ed on wine. I'm a Yorkshireman living in Scotland, I've got my TV tuned to Yorkshire. Watched ITV with When they were famous and It'll be alright on the night to try and cheer me up - didn't work. My heart is still aching.

I don't post a lot these days; I don't want to dissuade newbies. It's Saturday, why aren't I out and about? Well, I want my wife back and applying 'the rules; hurts. Sad as it seems, I even though about chucking myself under the train again. Sh!t - why? It's been a year since I thought that.

Ok, I'm rambling. I'm well and truly drunk, sad, lonely and going to my bed to try and forget what's this all about. Hey, guys if you can be arsed to read this - don't. Look, I've been here over a year and I feel terrible. I'm sad and lonely and can't move on. Yeah, I've done things like go to Hong Kong etc. this year, but I just can't escape the straight jacket.

I sat next to some really attractive blonde on the train to gym today. I looked at her and thought 'no'. I can't escape my straight jacket.

Off to bed. Guys - I don't know how long I can carry on. IO feel awful today. I miss my wife and kids and sitting in my flat watching the TV ain't cutting it.

[Rouky]

Hi Huddy, I truly understand what you feel and it has been a year since I have joined this community. Unfortunately we the LBS are still on our path to detach as our WAS have already detached a long time ago and it hurts like hell because we loved them unconditionally and thought that we would be together for the rest of our life.

I have read your posts and I think you are an amazing person and you are doing what is best for your kids, and they will be grateful for this later on. No one knows what the future holds and I think we need to carry on on our path as it's a long journey of discovery for us.

If you still were with your wife, would you be able to go to the gym that often? Look at what you have been able to achieve? You went to Hong Kong. I know it isn't much to go by but this is the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

Sending you hugs from the East Midlands.

[ATPeace]

Hey huddy

Thought I would,check in on you

It has been a while for me posting I feel your pain I really do,

Try to give less thoughts your thoughts,

You we doing fantastic with your gym work I need to get myass back to the personal trainer I have been going acouple of times a week it really helps

Man hugs to you

Ghost x

[Sotto]

Hi lovely Huddy, I'm sorry you had a rough day - and I hope your head isn't too sore this morning.....

Hey I want to tell you - you're doing so well. You've done many positive things in the past year and I feel proud of you. Remember them, count them up and congratulate yourself.

I watched the Guy Winch TED talk on emotional first aid yesterday - well worth a watch.

Now then, here's the main piece of advice I need to give you. You are still too attached to the outcome of restoring your M. You have yet to break that final thread, accept that your W may not choose to reconcile and accept that's her choice. I feel you are still watching and waiting for something to 'turn' and this is the thing that needs to change IMHO.

I remember having a (potentially) lonely Saturday night a year or so after BD. I sat in my lounge on a winters evening around 6pm. No plans. Started to think - I have no friends to go out with tonight etc....not a good train of thought. Then I remember thinking - given all circumstances (ie: I have no plans) - what would joy look like this evening? I decided to put some nice music on, have a glass of wine and cook myself a lovely dinner - watched a nice little film on TV - had a nice evening...

You may also want to watch the Shawn Achor TED talk on happiness and practice some of the steps he recommends. I think it is hard to feel unhappy when you actively practice gratitude.

Hope you have a better day Huddy xx

[rd500]

Hi Huddy What to say ? Does it help you that we all feel like you did last night ? I doubt it but we do brother Our Ms were our rock , our very foundation of our lives and the WAS shattered that

The only thing that I can say we 100% certainty , is this pain will not last forever , time will heal and your life will go on The GAL , the improving you is all about making that happen quicker

Like you I don't post much anymore and I've now blocked WW on my phone and go out whenever she comes to the house to try and stop the pain

I've seen articles that liken this experience to losing a close family member and it can take upto 5 years to recover In a way it's tougher for you because W appears to be living a cr@p life and yet she continues with it instead of trying to work on the M

There is someone out there for you Huddy and I've no doubt people find you attractive but I doubt very much your putting a ' looking for an R ' vibe out right now

No one is thinking poor Huddy and I would imagine there is sadness for your sitch from people but not pity

How about an IC ? Is this something that might help get you back on track ?

IMHO your W is classic MLC and unfortunately that's a long long road for her to travel

[rd500]

Sorry , pressed submit by mistake

You are doing well mate , last night was a big dip on the roller coaster but you won't stay down Forever

It would be great if you could let us know how your doing this morning , if you can handle the noise of the keyboard keys !!!

Take care brother. Rd