I'm still poking around reading other threads. Not much to report on in my own situation really. W still in the other bedroom but things have been fairly stable/civil, we've been hanging a lot with another couple who are our best friends but the W tends to pair off with her friend and myself with my buddy, not much interaction between the W and I but we have been talking a tiny bit more lately (not about the R, just small chats about work, kids etc). She still can pull out the attitude though. She has not made mention of contacting the MC at all but may be waiting until we have some money to afford another few sessions - things have been tight lately. I did blurt out to our friends something about us planning a week at our cottage again this summer - the couple was excited about it as they had done this with us last year. The W just said can we afford for me to take a week off of work as I work on contract and don't get paid when I don't work. It was a fair question and I just said that perhaps we'll just do a long weekend rather than take the entire week off. I thought for sure the W was going to say something to me later in private that, considering our current situation, I should have talked to her about this before offering up plans for the cottage with our friends but she never did. I suppose that's a good sign. I think she wants to do the week at the cottage but it truly is a money issue for us.
The W has bought a few new sexy tops after I had bought some clothes - funny after she gave me crap but I didn't call her on it. Just said it looked great on her (tried to take the high road).
W has been wearing her rings regularly as well. Will see what the next week or so brings.
My W is really into healing crystals so I was thinking of buying her a small rose quartz crystal (I'll put a description of its meaning after my post). I haven't pursued her at all in months now and was really just thinking of picking this up as small thought for my W that she might appreciate. Perhaps the meaning behind it may be a little heavy but it's all in how you interpret it. It costs $29 bucks so not an expensive gift or anything, just a small thought. I'll be sure to remind myself to have no expectations of her reaction, if any. Am I venturing into pursuing territory here or is a one off small thought like this ok?
Description: Rose quartz is an excellent heart-healing gemstone. It is a nature remedy that can be used for treating any issue that needs emotional healing. Rose quartz is a pink-colored crystal that carries a very gentle and soothing energy and gives comfort to anyone whose heart has been wounded.
Rose Quartz is known as the “love stone”. It is a stone of universal love and romantic love and is often associated with marriage. It is believed that this stone can help one feel a sense of self-worth and therefore be worthy of love. Rose Quartz is said to emit a peaceful, cooling energy that will restore calm, balance and clarity to the emotions. It is considered excellent for healing and opening the emotional heart so that one may give and receive love. The early Chinese used Rose Quartz to fashion carvings of the Goddess of Peace as the colour was thought to reflect her gentleness and wisdom.
Remedy Benefits of Rose Quartz
Encourages self love Heals emotional body Eases heartache Relieves loneliness Releases repressed hurts Promotes forgiveness Offers inner peace
It could easily be construed as both pursuing and judgmental. Not a good combo.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
That had crossed my mind. Would probably be better if the crystal was more generally promoting serenity, peacefulness, etc. instead of love, heartache, marriage, forgiveness focused. I'll keep the rose quartz in my back pocket for perhaps some future use! Will see what else I can find that might be more appropriate.
Is there a reason you feel the need to get her a present at all?
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Not really. Just feel completely disconnected these days - was thinking a small thought might be nice. If likely to be viewed as pursuing then I won't bother.
If that's the case, she probably knows that you think it's silliness (my words - sorry) so she'd know that you're trying to placate her. If you're ever out and about and you see that perfect thing, maybe a chocolate chip cookie, then get it for her. That'll be genuine.
You're probably right - that crystal was too loaded with meanings anyway. Hardly a light 'thought' really.
W and I went to dinner at a friends last night, 3 couples there. Was a fun night but I feel really weird/awkward when we go out like this. My W doesn't have anything to say to me and I feel like it's all so fake the two of us being out together. We do this sort of thing on a weekly basis with another couple who are our best friends and they don't know anything about what is going on with us. My W seems fine and happy laughing having a great time and I'm putting up a strong front and enjoying myself but inside I'm all torn apart. At first I was thinking well at least she is open to us doing things together but it's not like we talk at all. I overheard her talking to one of our friends last night about the new part-time position she is starting next week and a few other important things that I know nothing about. I'm not exactly telling my W everything that is going on with me either but frankly there is nothing all that interesting or important going on with me right now anyway. It's just all so difficult to manage your feelings and emotions when the one you love is so completely disinterested in you. She used to show small signs of the feelings she had for me but again, since she moved into the other room she has been cold and completely disconnected from me. Would love to know what she's thinking these days.
