Questions 1) Did you receive papers? 2)You might not want to leave the house and leave her in it...abandonment sometimes can be called into play. Call your lawyer. She's tried awfully hard to get you out of the house and she has consulted a lawyer. 3)What does that say about what she said yesterday (not wanting a D). 4) And...so? How does her filing change anything? Do you still want to DB this marriage? Do you still want to protect yourself? Is she still acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum to get her way?
D is a paper. Your marriage is done when you say it is. Do you read other threads on these boards? Consult a D lawyer...know your rights. Then start reading and learning. You are not alone here. Lots a DBers whose S has filed for one reason or another. Your W sounds like it's just another way for her to try to control her sitch, but it could be more. A good DL could ease your mind a bit.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
[quote=DDJ]I'm not going to lie to you all, the formality of knowing it's "filed", has me a bit defeated...
betterm, That was her intent. How do you 180 that?
I know she's doing this to show me "I mean business" (oh yeah, and I just spent $2500 out of our joint, ha!) lol
She even, on the phone after I received the notice (she called), and gave some random bullcrap knowledge drop on "do you know why they changed divorce laws to require a 60 day grace, it's so both parties can really decide if it's what the ywant blah blah blah blah)...
As to "how do I 180 that?" I stay the path I assume. She's trying to get me to give in on the living situation. I don't consider my thoughts of "going dark" giving in to her request, but more of a message saying, "I'm somewhere else and you are not here". I'm open to critique and suggestions of course!!!
Questions 2)You might not want to leave the house and leave her in it...abandonment sometimes can be called into play. Call your lawyer. She's tried awfully hard to get you out of the house and she has consulted a lawyer. 3)What does that say about what she said yesterday (not wanting a D). 4) And...so? How does her filing change anything? Do you still want to DB this marriage? Do you still want to protect yourself? Is she still acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum to get her way?
A good DL could ease your mind a bit.
My DL also serves as a judge in neighboring county. She as good as they come, and she gave me best/worst case scenarios. She's great. I do plan to continue to DB. I have my phone app logging my times at the house, so there is a digital log of me "not abandoning" the property, and I'll sneak in here and there when I know she's gone to keep that log going.
I'm not qualified to answer your question, so certainly don't take anything I say as good advice, but...
Given the circumstances, my gut reaction would be to change the locks on the house and then pack her stuff and put it out front where she can pick it up and haul it off.
I'm sorry; I'm jaded and I'm pretty sure that's not DB, but it sure seems like a good 180 to me.
Could also consider going darker as in being less available and more unpredictable, but not quite invisible. Getting out of the house some like you say... but I feel like if you effectively avoid her altogether for 2 weeks and she gets to stay in the house unhindered that may be exactly what she is hoping for (or even better than the time-sharing she was angling for, really).
If you reappear unexpectedly as fits your busy GAL schedule - sometimes there, sometimes spending the night, sometimes not - it may be clearer to her that you are simply moving forward as opposed to wallowing in your tears somewhere as she might like to think.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
I can't believe she hired my friend, wtf... EDF - I think you're right, by my last comment, I wasn't considering that it might look like i've just disappeared/abandoned her at the house. Hell, it might even be worth FINDING a reason to swing by if I know she's there. In, Out, back on my way, it would surely make her wonder wtf I'm doing.
I need to get over the fear that, even though she said to me "everything you're doing is all about you, yeah, great, you're doing just fine, well, I'm glad YOUR doing fine cuz I hate my life right now, but you just go ahead and do what you want"... she doesn't really mean that. I need to stay focused that my GAL has nothing to do with why her life [censored] so bad right now, and that if I quit GAL to 'try to work on things with her', it's really only going to make things worse.
You can't really work with her. She will affect you, but you still control what you do.
Don't be vindictive, don't do things to hurt her, don't be controlling and don't give ultimatums, well you may want to find an ace somewhere for an ultimatum.
Just act as-if it means nothing, you don't have control over it anyway, so fins your strength and
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
