Life 2.0

[Painter]

Thank you everyone, I feel the group energy and support surrounding me.

Just home on a quick break from work and wanted to catch up on posts.

Have not heard from SD yet and that is very hard. I very much want to call H and confront him and get him to admit what he's done. I probably won't do that today.

[Phoebe]

Hi Painter. I honestly don't know what to say, except that I'm here and i will continue to be. I can regale you with silly stories of baby chicks or MeetUps gone awry, but it's all in an effort to distract, and right now I know your pain is too raw for simple distraction.

I do think that you need to do what's best for you right now, and I'm not at all sure that confronting him will bring you healing. Maybe you need the experience to process your anger, but I guess I would urge you consider how you will feel about anything you do or say in hindsight. Zeus' post kind of said it all on that front. You will never regret looking back and knowing that you were the better person in this mess, that you took the high road at every juncture.

I wish your pain would end yesterday. I wish I could reach out and give you the hug you need and deserve.

(((((Painter)))))


I'll check in on you again tonight. In the meantime, tonght you should settle in with a beautiful pot of tea. As Annie Proulx says, "Tea is a good drink. It'll keep you going."

Love that line.

[Zues126]

Just a bump for Painter to show you're still in my thoughts.

[Painter]

Thank you guys, it's touching that you keep checking in on me.

I'm taking medication every 6-8 hours to keep functional. I got home from work a little while ago and have to work tomorrow, but then I'm off for three days. I start late tomorrow so will try to set up some L appointments. Also called and left a message for my T to get in with her asap.

I didn't think he'd do it. I said it as a joke, but I actually didn't think it would happen. The idea of her petting my cats, using my stove, rifling through my things (there's still things that aren't packed), changing everything to unrecognizable - makes me sick.

I heard from SD. She got very, very sick and ended up at the doctor's. That's her reaction when she gets overloaded. H has pushed her too far.

[Phoebe]

And once again a whole lot of colorful adjectives are swirling around my head, just wanting to fly out to describe your H. Asking someone to lie for you is disgusting behavior, and asking his own daughter to do so, knowing how much it will mess her up, is beyond the pale.

And the OW in your home, petting your cat? Good grief. What a sh1t. Sorry, it slipped.

You keep right on taking those meds, Painter. That's why you have them, for days like these. I'm glad you are trying to get in to see your therapist soon. I have found that I feel better after I talk with mine. I'm not sure why, really, but something about talking to him calms me. I hope that your T does that for you, too.

I hope the meds help you get some rest. You need a few hours off from all of this.

(((Painter)))

P.s. My chicks say hello and to send you a dose of concentrated cuteness. Cheep, cheep.

[poschan]

Painter, I've had some very dark thoughts myself lately. What pulls me back is thinking about how selfish it would be to do something drastic. Me and d7 deserve more. So much of what other posters say resonates. Disposal M, dishonesty, disloyalty, lack of commitment, selfishness, etc. The devil wants us to take the easy way out. One thing that is helping me, as recommended by zues posts, is appreciate what we have. Each day brings new possibilities, we just need to refocus. When I mindfully think about what I have to appreciate it seems to help refocus. When someone does us wrong, its not because of who we are, but due to how immoral and soulless they are. We deserve better and maybe, no matter how painful, it's God's way of kicking us in the rear to motivate. I hope you have better day tomorrow.

[SH_]

painter,


I am not sure what I can say as many have stated, but a quote comes to mind.
The quote is from Winston Churchill, If you are going through hell, keep going.

You and your family are in my prayers this night.

[Phoebe]

Hoping you're asleep Miss Painter and enjoying some respite from the latest happenings. Thinking of you.

[Phoebe]

Checking in on you again. Hugs!

[Painter]

Hi Phoebe and everyone - I slept decently last night, then spent all morning on the phone until I had to be at work and worked until late tonight.

I've been crying more or less all the time since Thursday. The tears were just streaming down even while I was at work today. I take meds (Xanax type), but they're not stopping the tears. They make the pit in my stomach a little less intense. I actually feel dehydrated from all the crying.

I can't eat very much, so a hard-boiled egg and a little ice cream is all I've gotten down in the last few days. Fortunately, I wanted to lose some weight anyway. I take my vitamins to stay healthy.

I talked to H twice today. It started off badly with him hanging up on me several times (trying to avoid what he knew was coming), then we had two decent conversations. He's still trying to lie and claims that he didn't tell me because he doesn't want to hurt me. After talking for quite a while, he suggested to call me tomorrow morning when he's driving for an hour to a meeting tomorrow morning.

I cried quite a bit on the phone and he said his heart is breaking over hearing me so sad. He also sent me an e-mail about how bad he feels. I think he deserves a little heartbreak and I hope it soured his evening with OW. When I asked him if she knew that I didn't know she had moved in, he said 'Eh, well, she knows now'.

He said the first week after I left was that painful for him, so he said he knew how I felt.

She's been living in our house for 3 weeks. I left 5 weeks ago. She moved up with furniture and they've rearranged the whole house. He claims it wasn't decided until after I left, which obviously is a lie.

I am sick to my stomach thinking about all the personal paperwork I still have there, my Christmas decorations, my other things that she gets to rifle through while H is at work.

He said he wanted a Suzy Homemaker (I said 'Suzy Homewrecker is more like it') and that she gets up at 4:30am to make him lunch every day. She lives only for him, it seems, a real, old-fashioned housewife which is what he wanted. Wonder how long that will last. It does get lonely to do everything by yourself and serve on someone else and make them the focus of your life.

I said it was hard to understand that it was what he wanted when he kept saying I needed to get a job.

I don't know why I'm so devastated. I really thought I was further ahead. I think it's that she moved in took all hope away for any reconciliation in my mind. But why would I want to reconcile with this man? I'm at a loss over myself. I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow at 5pm.

I was thinking that it feels like that when I was with H, I was somebody and now I am nobody. I know it's a weird feeling because I normally have good self-esteem and am active and involved in many things, but now it feels like there is no reason for my existence.

Unfortunately, my SD did not handle the situation well and made me look bad to H and possibly OW. She knows she didn't tell them the truth and I called her on it and said that although I understand she felt she had to choose, it wasn't necessary to say bad things about me to them. I told her I was very sad and sorry about everything and wished her the very best.