Take a Number

[TabD]

Hawho.

Wow you did great! You are an example to follow!

[job]

Very well done! You didn't lower yourself to his level and brought him some goodies from your trip. The thought and yes, attention that you gave him made him happy. As for eating...guess the thought of being poison was ruled out when the chocolate entered the room. LOL!

Nicely done!

[betterm]

HW, I'm new here but reading into other posts as much as I can, to try and get to know the community. And I must say, You impressed me greatly. I don't know what the heck your H is thinking, but the patience and resilience within you is inspiring and I hope you can stay strong and just keep doing you. You're in my thoughts and I hope to hear more good things in the future on this thread.

HE ATE! OMG HE ATE! Well done.

[HaWho]

Thanks so much for the kind words all.

I don't know why he ate last night. I swear, it's an MLC soap opera over here. Maybe it was because he received no reaction from me when he went on the hunger strike? Maybe it was because I had the grace to bring him a souvenir? Maybe it's because he now has epipens again?

I forgot to mention that before I left for NYC he did find a spare epipen in my car. (Remember he thinks I stole them with the intent of then feeding him foods to which he is deathly allergic.) Last night he mentioned that he had two epipens now. Either he found both or found one and ordered a second. I wanted to ask him if he's eating my food because he's now armed with epipens? But, curious as I am, I want to ignore the idiotic behavior completely.

You know, it hit me in NYC, I can go down tit-for-tatting, growing bitter and angry but I refuse to becomes that person. I see him being that person and coupled with the lovely passive aggressive traits it is so, so very unattractive.

FYI: He is still locking his dorm room like it's a bank vault. Ugh. What a complete fool he is making of himself. For posterity, I need to get a video of him locking and unlocking his bedroom door.

Each time he moves one step further into MLC Kookooville, I am going to make a hairpin turn and make myself an even healthier person.

[betterm]

Thanks so much for the kind words all.
Each time he moves one step further into MLC Kookooville, I am going to make a hairpin turn and make myself an even healthier person.

I don't know if I missed anything and sorry if this is an intrusive Q, but has your H actually been to a psych for evaluation in the past? I know many pointed out the childhood issues with food and what not, but what I see could be more like behaviors of an late-onset/adult-onset Paranoid Schizophrenia ... I only say that because through high-school and college I suffered through drug addictions, and even after college, and it made me a very paranoid person. I would have behaviors like this, but it was more like off/on switch that I couldn't control. I've been drug-free for a long time now, but I still remember those days like they were yesterday and still have to remind myself that people aren't out to get me everywhere I go. Just food for thought, as I didn't see any formal diagnosis on your H.

[HaWho]

Hi Betterm - hmm. You know, the thing is he can control it all and I have seen him do so quite handily. While my sisters were here he gave "normal" reasons why he wasn't eating my food. Rather than telling the truth (that he thinks I am trying to poison him), he said he was not feeling well or not hungry. And he wouldn't unlock his dorm room door in front of my sisters. He would wait until they weren't watching. (But they heard it!!!). All signs lead to crazy passive aggressive MLC behavior.

Here is a funny re-write he gave while my sister was still here. Last year he was shot in the eye with a Nerf bullet by S10. Ouch. It scratched his cornea. It took quite some time for it to heal. The funny thing? He tells my sister that this incident is what caused him to need reading glasses and before that his vision was 20/20. In fact, he needed reading glasses YEARS before this incident and was wearing them for years before this all happened. I stayed silent. Wow, what denial over aging!!

My sister, who has no flies on her, said very nonchalantly: "um, you probably needed the glasses because you were getting older." Then she chewed her food ever so slowly and watched his reaction.

Oh dear, h's face turned droopy so fast and I swear he looked pale. Of course it was an injury that worsened his vision it couldn't have possibly been due to the fact that he is almost 50.

Hard to keep a straight face . . .

[mleigh4]

Lol HW. Your sisters comment and your description made me crack up. You are doing so good, keep the humor in your and your S's world. I am glad H is eating again.

I have a confession....I just bought a 3 pack of reading glasses! Gasp! Yes our eyes change after 40, it's life.

Hope you have a great weekend

[HaWho]

Oh boy. Guess who is out looking for a fight?

S12 is out playing basketball with friends. He texts me asking me to grab something he forgot. S10 was having a friend over in a few minutes. So I said to S10 I will be back in a few. H was out for a few hours. He called S10 to ask he if wanted to go out to lunch. S10 said no thanks. He said he'd already eaten and (plus he had a friend on the way). In fact, he has not yet eaten.

I am leaving to drop off item to S12 when h is pulling in. We wave. Then I receive a nasty text from him. He says "I didn't agree to watch S and his friend. You better come back here or call his parents to get him. Don't make plans for me. I do get for myself. Make your own plans."

Oooh, what a viper.

I text back and say I am dropping something off and will be back in 5 mins. before the friend comes. I tell him not to worry that I take care of my responsibilities and wouldn't saddle him with these issues. (Which I wouldn't!! Seriously? He thinks I make plans here for kids and then just leave? This is where they think we are are the same as them, clearly. I would never do that!)

He texts that he saddles himself with his own responsibilities. (I can hear the regret that he hates being an adult.). He says how much he supports, financially.

I thank him and tell him he can go have fun when I return. He tats back "you have fun." I tell him I will as I enjoy when S has friends over. And I do. These years go fast. It is sad he hides in a room or runs all around missing it. He says "well enjoy."

I say thanks. I thank him again for his financial support and then I say I will be home in a few and he can go enjoy his day. He doesn't answer.

It occurs to me that he is so angry at being an adult. And he thinks he meets all his parenting responsibilities even though he is so checked out of life. He really thinks he has an awful life.

Anyway, I came home and killed with kindness. I said hi and offered him part of lunch. It feels so great not to retaliate. And then he just looks like a real a€€, which he is really is these days.

[job]

HaWho,
It's not only the fact that he hates being an adult, but he also hates the fact that you assume he's going to take on adult responsibilities, i.e., taking care of son and friend. Now, we all know that you didn't assume anything of the sort, but in his mind, he feels like you are taking advantage of him and continue to drop responsibilities on him w/o asking what his plans are. It's typical of the MLCer...they feel under appreciated all of the time...poor baby.

I'm a very big fan of killing them w/kindness. In fact, so much kindness that they choke on it is even better.

He is still festering and is itching for a fight. Can I assume that your family has left?

[HaWho]

Yes, Job family has left. He did not eat dinner last night. He sat off by himself for part of dinner. Then he joined us at the table but did not eat with us. I ignored. I made beef stew and it was delicious. The kids raved and ate several helpings.

Yes, he just wants to be free. I see that. It's crazy he thinks I am trying to get out of my responsibilities by off loading them to him of all people?!?

Job, I FINALLY see how killing him with kindness if better for me, too. Otherwise I am left feeling awful getting into the mud with him. When he gripes about some very normal adult thing he does, I just thank him for doing it. Before I would dismiss the comments and sort of tell him (gently) to get over it! We all have adult things we do and no one goes around announcing it play by play. But that did not work. It just made him madder. Killing him with kindness seems to make him zip it. Silence is golden.

Job - remember when you said you were waiting for him to hit the "time for me to have some fun" phase? Are there other replay phases awaiting him/me?