The vet's will show up. My advice to you is LISTEN TO THEM. This is a very serious situation and you need to show no fear and follow their advice. She is disrespecting you BIG TIME. No Respect, No love. This can be fixed. You can do this, but you have to go "all in" or it is all for not. Just take a deep breath, step back, and don't do ANYTHING right now. Keep posing and wait for the advice.
Nate, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on in your sitch... Your going to want to provide some more information to really get some good feedback, such as how long have you been married, what have you been doing in the last year since the ILYBINILWY speech, what did she say the issues where, when you say you hid money, what what were you hiding it for.. Ages of kids, how was your sex life prior to ilybnilwy speech, etc..
I can tell you if Sandi does stop by, your gonna need to put a helmet on... Have you been working on getting a life?
You said that she doesn't work, how does she pay to go out, are you footing the bill for that? If she wants to go out, let her figure out how to make the money to pay for it...
Married 13 yrs Dated 4 3 kids 2 stepkids 1 from our marriage Since the speech, I have been trying to be the nice guy and avoid trouble. I clean the house, I cook dinner (my stepdaughter helps she is a better cook). I spend more time with the kids.
She says the issue is I have lied too many times she does not know if she even likes me let alone be married to me. I have lost 52 lbs and weigh what I did in high school. (she says I look Ethiopian and need to gain weight)
Since last year I have tried to show I have changed. On christmas I broke down and cried twice once in front of family (her mother included) when mom was praising me for being a good man and stepping in to take care of my wife and her kids when her ex left. ( I met her a year and a half after they split). i cried again later when a good friend who is a Christian marriage counselor asked what is wrong and kept probing me. I told him the situation and him and his wife got involved. These people know my wife better than me so it seemed like a good progress. We met later that night after family had left and began to talk about the marriage. i explained I had lied about spending money (our 401k is down from 15k to 1500) and that I had done that (spent money, checks in the mail, etc) without her knowledge in the past. After the meeting we prayed and it was quiet. My friend told me no to touch any money without permission from my W and I agreed.
Later that night I confessed another issue with money I did not mention (I drive uber and they give incentives to new drivers) The amount of the referral changed and when I told her she thought I was lying again.
We got past that (in a rather ugly way, she made a revenge list and listed every possible way to hurt me and set a timeline. She also said she would rather go to hell than to stay in this marriage)..since then it has just gotten worse. She seems to only enjoy time with me in the backyard when we are tending to her garden. My home life consists of no communication with her, no touching, she does not look at me when she talks to me. She is always busy on her phone either playing spades or sodoku or solitaire or talking/texting one of the people on her various committees she is on (one friend of hers is running for congress, she is on his committee. they have a radio show she is co host. she is on the neighborhood council, she is a part of LGBT committee. she is a part of First 5LA and best start) we still go to church together and even attend marriage class LOL.
She still lives with me today, go figure :{
Prior to the BD our sex life was mundane. Very routine and she slowly stopped kissing me as much (she blamed my morning breath) I also struggled with impotence prior to losing thee weight. The impotence has returned recently. I told her about viagra she did not want me to get it she said i never needed it before.
To try to make up for this I bought her tix to a concert for one of her favorite singers. The concert was in January and she took someone else. She did not say who she took with her. I was upset with her when she came home but we ended up having sex that night.
In regards to GAL, I workout during lunch (which helped me drop the weight, but really I think it is stress). I stay at home a lot because she has our car (it is in her name but I pay the insurance, gas and car loan)
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
Nate, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on in your sitch... Your going to want to provide some more information to really get some good feedback, such as how long have you been married, what have you been doing in the last year since the ILYBINILWY speech, what did she say the issues where, when you say you hid money, what what were you hiding it for.. Ages of kids, how was your sex life prior to ilybnilwy speech, etc..
I can tell you if Sandi does stop by, your gonna need to put a helmet on... Have you been working on getting a life?
You said that she doesn't work, how does she pay to go out, are you footing the bill for that? If she wants to go out, let her figure out how to make the money to pay for it...
Married 13 yrs Dated 4 3 kids 2 stepkids 1 from our marriage Since the speech, I have been trying to be the nice guy and avoid trouble. I clean the house, I cook dinner (my stepdaughter helps she is a better cook). I spend more time with the kids.
She says the issue is I have lied too many times she does not know if she even likes me let alone be married to me. I have lost 52 lbs and weigh what I did in high school. (she says I look Ethiopian and need to gain weight)
Since last year I have tried to show I have changed. On christmas I broke down and cried twice once in front of family (her mother included) when mom was praising me for being a good man and stepping in to take care of my wife and her kids when her ex left. ( I met her a year and a half after they split). i cried again later when a good friend who is a Christian marriage counselor asked what is wrong and kept probing me. I told him the situation and him and his wife got involved. These people know my wife better than me so it seemed like a good progress. We met later that night after family had left and began to talk about the marriage. i explained I had lied about spending money (our 401k is down from 15k to 1500) and that I had done that (spent money, checks in the mail, etc) without her knowledge in the past. After the meeting we prayed and it was quiet. My friend told me no to touch any money without permission from my W and I agreed.
Later that night I confessed another issue with money I did not mention (I drive uber and they give incentives to new drivers) The amount of the referral changed and when I told her she thought I was lying again.
We got past that (in a rather ugly way, she made a revenge list and listed every possible way to hurt me and set a timeline. She also said she would rather go to hell than to stay in this marriage)..since then it has just gotten worse. She seems to only enjoy time with me in the backyard when we are tending to her garden. My home life consists of no communication with her, no touching, she does not look at me when she talks to me. She is always busy on her phone either playing spades or sodoku or solitaire or talking/texting one of the people on her various committees she is on (one friend of hers is running for congress, she is on his committee. they have a radio show she is co host. she is on the neighborhood council, she is a part of LGBT committee. she is a part of First 5LA and best start) we still go to church together and even attend marriage class LOL.
She still lives with me today, go figure :{
Prior to the BD our sex life was mundane. Very routine and she slowly stopped kissing me as much (she blamed my morning breath) I also struggled with impotence prior to losing thee weight. The impotence has returned recently. I told her about viagra she did not want me to get it she said i never needed it before.
To try to make up for this I bought her tix to a concert for one of her favorite singers. The concert was in January and she took someone else. She did not say who she took with her. I was upset with her when she came home but we ended up having sex that night.
In regards to GAL, I workout during lunch (which helped me drop the weight, but really I think it is stress). I stay at home a lot because she has our car (it is in her name but I pay the insurance, gas and car loan)
I had to jump offline yesterday when the W came home. So she is always buys, never available, but we still attend church together and even marriage class together as to save face.
I have admitted to my wrongdoing and have chosen a better path. I lied to not upset W. That is really a cop out. Adults do not hide when they do wrong. Is that not what I taught my kids to do? Face problems?
So my W had a talk with me and said she did not believe tha she gave me any indication she wanted back into this relationship. We agreed on a date of her moving out the house which is after June 24, the date my youngest graduates midddle school.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave, as you know. My love for you is so deep that I just couldn't wrap my head around the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, I honestly expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it has been a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel.
I cannot believe how utterly stupid I have been. When I think of the mountains of disrespect you have shown me I want to throw up for being so weak. I actually believed your character and inner strength would rise above the temptation to do such things. I thought this whole thing would just work itself out. I see now that I was dead wrong.
I was crystal clear when I said if you want to date other people, you cannot do it here. I will not tolerate your behavior nor will I enable you to do so. You need to find a place to stay other than here.
I can no longer allow you to hurt our family. I do not think (mention of our kids) deserve to be taken down this broken road with you. I do not know where you got the idea that you could sleep in our bed, under our roof, wear clothes I paid for, go to church together, go to marriage class together, drive a car I pay for and hide the fact that you are having an affair? I can hear you saying to yourself, “What an idiot. He thinks he is impressing me, but it's too little and way too late, now. I could care less how he works his tail off, because it has no affect on my feelings.” Your arrogance is astounding to me. You have turned into a selfish being that I do not recognize anymore.
You were my first real love, and I’ll never forget the memories that we shared. You married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. So I will not pressure you to stay with me. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
Nate, do not give her that letter, it will only push her further away... Just work on you and let her do what she's going to do. If you say anything about moving out, just say something like "that is what is best, I will not be a part of a 3 person marriage and I am willing to let you go"...
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
