blueboy - one thing I've learned in my own journey is that you cannot fix HER - you can only fix yourself. I've done it all, give W things to read, sent encouraging text messages, begged, pleaded, openly wept, nothing had any impact but to make her colder and more distant.
First take a good hard look at yourself. Do you like the MAN you see in the mirror? If not, start working on that. Not for HER but for yourself and your family. For me it's helped me rediscover who I was before I was lost and who I am now. It also turns out that my W seems to like that guy and has started moving closer towards me. Tentatively and I have to keep from being hopeful but there is definite movement.
Good luck in your own journey. It won't be easy but the reward at the end when you look again into that mirror will be worth it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
blueboy - one thing I've learned in my own journey is that you cannot fix HER - you can only fix yourself. I've done it all, give W things to read, sent encouraging text messages, begged, pleaded, openly wept, nothing had any impact but to make her colder and more distant.
First take a good hard look at yourself. Do you like the MAN you see in the mirror? If not, start working on that. Not for HER but for yourself and your family. For me it's helped me rediscover who I was before I was lost and who I am now. It also turns out that my W seems to like that guy and has started moving closer towards me. Tentatively and I have to keep from being hopeful but there is definite movement.
Good luck in your own journey. It won't be easy but the reward at the end when you look again into that mirror will be worth it.
The worse thing she keep telling me I'm a brilliant dad and husband and it gonna to killer her see me with someone else!
I just can't stand the mind games!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
blueboy - you'll also want to read sandi2's great posts on the mind of a WW by the sounds of it. She's buttering you up so that you'll stick around as her Plan B. Just imagine that she's trying to sell you a used car instead of the great things she says. One other strategy that a WW will use (my own tried) is to try to push you on to someone else to make their own guilt less.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
We have sat down and agreed that we need to start acting like a couple who have separated, not more best friend talk, no more family meals, no more living in limbo land.
I love her and would do anything to sort this out, but need to be treated with respect!
She can't eat cake and have me as back up anymore, I have to set boundaries.
She cried in bed last night and told me she loves me for what it's worth!
Hurting bad, but feeling stronger each day, just need to get a life!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yes it looks like she is dating OM, she say it not sexual and they are just hanging out and going for a drink!
As if to say it is okay to date others when you are in a marriage.
She loves you.......for what it's worth? But if pushed, she would not think it's worth giving up OM.
Quote:
We have sat down and agreed that we need to start acting like a couple who have separated, not more best friend talk, no more family meals, no more living in limbo land.
I love her and would do anything to sort this out, but need to be treated with respect!
She can't eat cake and have me as back up anymore, I have to set boundaries.
She cried in bed last night and told me she loves me for what it's worth!
Hurting bad, but feeling stronger each day, just need to get a life!
Does this mean the two of you plan to continue staying in the same house together?
Have you thought more about your boundaries and what they are and how to state them?
This can be turned around. It is going to take a lot of tough love on your part.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
[quote]Yes it looks like she is dating OM, she say it not sexual and they are just hanging out and going for a drink!
As if to say it is okay to date others when you are in a marriage.
[quote] Does this mean the two of you plan to continue staying in the same house together? Have you thought more about your boundaries and what they are and how to state them? This can be turned around. It is going to take a lot of tough love on your part [\quote]
No, I've told her we can't live together in Limbo land, my boundaries will not allow it. I've told her we need to be apart, until this is resolved one way or another, my plan is to share parenting, but not be together in the house! i.e who on duty is at home and the other need to be away and we can't see each other daily! And that she need to pay half the cost of running the house!
I've told her I need to move on with my life with or without her!
She was up for 3 hours in the night down stairs and then couldn't be in the same room as me this morning as she found it upsetting!
But want to make dinner to put in the freezer encase one of us need it, and couldn't understand why I didn't want her to do my washing!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
