ok, i'm reacting and getting emotional - i need to stop, am speaking to WW about splitting budget. I do feel that its needed, but i'm not bringing it across the right way. Its coming off as vindictive.
I do want my financial independence and her to enjoy hers, but don't want to push her away - how do i do that?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Okay, i'm composing myself. I'm worried about what she will think and she will do, that's why i'm feeling unsure as to whether i should split the budget. But i do want my financial independence, regardless of what happens in my R.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I realise why i was spinning earlier, it was not what she did or did not do. It was not about me being controlling. It was not about me giving ultimatums or trying to hurt her.
Its the finality of it all. For the last 7 years, we have worked together, budget and all to get where we are. Splitting the budget is representative of splitting our R. As long as we pay things together, we'd be together.
Just going to let that soak that in now...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Still speaking to my former WW friend, this is an excerpt from an email that i got from my WW, and my friends understanding... (I never spoke about any R stuff, only money and gaining independence)
"Enough, I am not strong enough to deal with this...You want a better wife then get you one, I cant change and refuse to do so to please other people, be who I am not...Stop crying for me!!!!"
i need you to read these msgs again and again until it sinks in. She does not want to change for you, even if it will save her marriage and family.. which means she doesn't care for it. You do not need to talk when you get home, stick to your decisions... The only reason she is saying she isn't strong enough, is she doesn't know how she is going to cope financially without you. She keeps saying she wants to save your marriage... so all she actually wants to do, is keep you around for money!! Because she just said she isn't willing to change!!!! She is not crying Dustin. You are. She is trying to get back into your heart so you can change your mind about the money.
I told my friend, I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
okay, now i'm spinning, i'm realising that my WW started cheating on me 2 weeks ago thurs (or even previous sunday), and we had sex the sunday afterwards, the last time. Stressing bout possible STDs; OM2 works as a counsellor for an anti-aids org, so i hope he's not "that stupid", as i was!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Your friend sounds on point. Please detach. Detach and plan your life as if you are single, that's what I am doing. I am proving to myself that I have what it takes to be independent. If H realizes he is losing a wonderful wife and day-to-day contact with his kids then maybe he will realize what he has to do to build a new marriage. He needs to make changes and in the meantime, I am making my own personal changes to be a better mom and person.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
