I cannot look back and regret that I have not done everything in my power to make things work. I have faith that after 2 months, my options will be very clear.
I must move forward, by myself. With or without my WW is up to her.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So life is too short to even consider giving up alcohol. She's never ever had her own friends, so she won't come in late again. She chats to possible OM2 whole day, who's becoming like her male BFF.
Insanely,she brought up the red and green apple. And OM2 said that he respects her red apple. For what it's worth, I told her that I get it now too. A bit too late though.
So the one thing she did say that she would change is being more off her phone when she gets home. Quite a consolation prize. I told her that I see no effort, just more of the same.
But I told her what I would like to see, and she will make her own decisions. I did say that there can be no intimacy without trust (thx Acc). And she's not building trust with this wasted effort. Never said it like that tho.
Guess it's gonna be a long month. But I feel good. Positive about myself, not about her.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Oh, one thing i forgot to add, apparently i'm getting boring...
It has become very clear to me that this is definitely OM2, the BFFs bro. I do think its only an EA, as she'd probably not have stayed home last night if it had gotten physical this wknd. But that's just a guess, based on addiction traits.
As for me, well, I had a great sleep, a full 8.5 hours. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world by myself, with myself. Now for a full 8 hours of doing nothing and letting my mind run away from me - yay - NOT.
I'm starting to understand the physiological effects of NO AFFECTION, NO INTIMACY, NO FIRST CONTACT, NO TIME TOGETHER. If you change your actions, your feelings will change. Doing all of these things just keeps you hooked, it's enough that she's throwing her own out there, so there's no point in you doing it as well.
I had another dream, about a girl, so sweet, so innocent. My mind is telling me that those feelings are still there, but it's not going to be for my WW anymore. I must look forward, I cannot look back. I also think that all relationships (except for family) have an expiry date, you could recycle it and start fresh but that depends if there is still any value left, from the LBSs POV.
So i'll keep enjoying the anxiety of it all at work, and show who i really am when i get home. This will pass, everything does. Amen.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
So my former WW friend says that things may have gotten physical, but maybe she didn't enjoy it. My heart skips a beat. I understand the skip and i deal with it.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
If i found out that my W ea was actually physical my honor would demand payment in blood. Not exactly moving forward but i'd be satisfied atleast.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
I could definitely request blood, but it's not my life is it?
I know what i stand for NOW. I vowed that I would never cheat (again, did with my XGF remember) and I will keep that vow. She will hopefully get there too, for herself.
My heart is already in tatters, so it can't get more broken, can it? probably, but for now i'll take my lot and deal with it. I'm not going to touch her again in my life so I've gotta go through this to get there...
I cannot control my feelings, but i can control my actions.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Good for you. Like i said, you are doing way better than i would.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
ok, got a bit emotional now. WW tells friends that she's trying to make things work. I replied to all with "her coming in at 10am and spending the day with another man is not trying". I then replied to her alone and said "i will not cover up your affairs".
I probably should not have sent the first email to all, but F it. That's just how i felt. I will not condone her behaviour and make like she's trying.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
