5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.(2)

[Natus]

Well shes going out with her sisters for drinks tonight that requires crossing the border (since we are technically in a dry country).

I guess i don't have to worry so much about avoiding her later.

She hasn't told anyone, not her family, her friends about our sich so i don't think our M will come up. Is that weird she hasn't told anyone?

[sandi2]

See the part i dont get according to the DR/DB rules is i dont think we are piecing because she has said outright she no longer has any feelings for me.

I don't get the connection you are making about the rules and piecing.

She still says that but she is making effort in the marriage by being transparent, offering to stay away from OM, no texting OM, and taking leave of work to not see him.

Well granted I can't see everything or hear every conversation, however, based on what I read in your thread, I don't get the impression she is trying to piece, yet.

Here's the thing. She got caught, she was punished, and told no more EA! To me, it's kind of like spanking a child and telling them to behave. Viewing the surface, that seems to be what she's doing. But piecing?.......... IDK. What you see as her "efforts" in the M, could be obedience. Perhaps she is obeying, but her heart has not caught up with her actions, yet.

If you have read my threads about WW's, you know they have to go through the emotional withdrawal from the EA/PA. She will not experience "feelings" for you, until the OM is out of her head/heart. That's how women are wired. They love one man at a time. And, it can't switch on & off like electricity. She has to get one man completely out, so her heart in order to accept the other one.

Must be painful for a H to read this. If you understand the process, hopefully, it will give you the endurance you need.

Heck i even offered to separate, albeit that means announcing to her parents then to religious authorities. I've metaphorically showed her the door and said go ahead be free.

Her religious roots and the traditions/customs of her people could be weighing on her consciousness. Not wanting her parents to know, tells me that what they think of her matters a great deal.

I believe her taking leave from the job is good. I just wish it could be longer, to help her get through the addiction withdrawal period. Did she volunteer, or did you mention taking leave from work?

I still say she needs to find work elsewhere. Seeing him at the office, working late hours, it's not a good situation.

Could the two of you financially make it, if she were to resign from her job? Surely, she could find other work somewhere.

[Natus]

See the part i dont get according to the DR/DB rules is i dont think we are piecing because she has said outright she no longer has any feelings for me.

I don't get the connection you are making about the rules and piecing.

Hi Sandhi, always a pleasure to hear from you. Sorry if i was unclear. I guess i was alluding to her acting married despite still telling me ILYBINILY. I was confused as to which stage i am in.

She still says that but she is making effort in the marriage by being transparent, offering to stay away from OM, no texting OM, and taking leave of work to not see him.

Well granted I can't see everything or hear every conversation, however, based on what I read in your thread, I don't get the impression she is trying to piece, yet.

Here's the thing. She got caught, she was punished, and told no more EA! To me, it's kind of like spanking a child and telling them to behave. Viewing the surface, that seems to be what she's doing. But piecing?.......... IDK. What you see as her "efforts" in the M, could be obedience. Perhaps she is obeying, but her heart has not caught up with her actions, yet.

I didnt think of it that way. Its hard to believe any grown person would be obedient if they are one foot out the door. Is this positive or negative thing?

If you have read my threads about WW's, you know they have to go through the emotional withdrawal from the EA/PA. She will not experience "feelings" for you, until the OM is out of her head/heart. That's how women are wired. They love one man at a time. And, it can't switch on & off like electricity. She has to get one man completely out, so her heart in order to accept the other one.

Must be painful for a H to read this. If you understand the process, hopefully, it will give you the endurance you need.

Ill be honest while i am trying to understand it and know i have to endure, it is difficult because men(or especially me) aren't wired this way at all.

Heck i even offered to separate, albeit that means announcing to her parents then to religious authorities. I've metaphorically showed her the door and said go ahead be free.

Her religious roots and the traditions/customs of her people could be weighing on her consciousness. Not wanting her parents to know, tells me that what they think of her matters a great deal.

I believe it would break her mum's heart. Her mum has lived with a wayward husband throughout her M. The Father is around on alternate days but has a history of infedility throughout their M. Infact my W brothers and sisters have a history of drugs and failed marriages. Its seems like the whole fam is wayward.

I believe her taking leave from the job is good. I just wish it could be longer, to help her get through the addiction withdrawal period. Did she volunteer, or did you mention taking leave from work?

I still say she needs to find work elsewhere. Seeing him at the office, working late hours, it's not a good situation.

Could the two of you financially make it, if she were to resign from her job? Surely, she could find other work somewhere.

She offered the leave but i suspect because i was pushing for no contact.

Unfortunately no we wouldnt be financially ok if she resigned without a fallback job. She is looking for other jobs though, infact She just got a call for an interview at the american embassy here, lets see how that goes.

[Natus]

I was planning to GAL tonight but W made plans to go see movie with her friends so now im watching my S tonight. Not that i mind since i didnt actually have any plans, was just gona go out and sit at coffee shop for an hour.

She doesn't go out much so i kinda want to encourage her having some life with friends and her sister. It would definitely take some pressure of me.

She asked permission to go on a weekend trip with her sisters next sat. I said yes but i felt like saying as long as you dont take advantage of my kindness.

[DDJ]

Natus, as long as you're not going to be her babysitter.

My WW does not want to spend time with her family, due to the guilt (most likely) of what she's doing.

If you can get a babysitter whilst she's gone for the wknd, then perhaps go on your own "boys" wknd. You have to get your own life, you cannot wait for her to wake up.

[Natus]

It not like that at all. My wife is home every night spending time with S. I dont mind giving her a break.

For the weekend trip W asked her sisters to move it to a thurs / friday so it doesnt touch the weekend. Those are my gym nights anyway so will probably send son to his gran parents. Plus ill be having my own weekend trip the week after for some kickbox competition (im just coaching).

[DDJ]

Okay cool, i've got to fight the babysitter thing myself. But mine has promised that she won't stay out late anymore. Hopefully that will reduce my anxiety and increase my sleep.

I would say that you're lucky (yeah right) that yours does not go out, but in one of sandi's posts, she did say that the young WW might sit at home waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave, so beware.

[Natus]

maybe, it also makes it harder to detach.

[DDJ]

yeah it does make it harder. I do however believe now that I can detach with her in my face. I was 'flirting' with the idea of moving out yesterday, but she's definitely not trying to make things work, so I guess that it's focus on me until I can throw her out.

No emotions, no ultimatums, no control - just throw her cheating wayward arse out on the kerb.

[DDJ]

I take it we're the only ones awake this time of the day in the world, I hate that...