More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[SH_]

Phoebe,

I am so proud of the efforts you are putting into the meetups. As you keep that up you will connect with some folks that will benefit you. I am certain of it.

You demonstrate such courage each day. No matter the storms that hit you, you continue to get back up and move forward. You are one amazing lady and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You have remained on course no matter what is thrown at you.

Sleep well dear Phoebe.

Rainbow hugs for you. (((Phoebe)))

[Sotto]

Hi Phoebe, really glad to hear your walk went well. Sounds like it may be an interesting group to join and good luck with your Meetup later too.

I agree with Sadhub, and I also think you show a good deal of courage moving forward (at times shakily like us all) but moving forward nonetheless. One thing I have learned through this experience is it doesn't really matter what H is thinking and doing. What really matters is what I'm thinking and doing.

You are doing well to think and do a lot, and I'm pleased to read that your focus on your H is pretty minimal.

Keep up the great work xx

[Ggrass]

Just some thing to add farms are good my ic said horse training and animals show us our power.

And the firsts of each season, it helps you move on mentally first years lambs first years foals..... Use the firsts to take focus off the crapola of the past.


So far the worst happened he cheated and left, right but your still here and the whole world didn't really change much. It sucked and it's not something Any of us wish for anyone.

Mines still with his manky ow!
To bad so sad it will suck to be him when she cheats and she does according to the word on the street, and that is his biggest fear and deal breaker.

[Painter]

Not a tsunami for me, more like a low pressure ending with a downpour.

That nature stroll sounds great! I'm always concerned about signing up for those because I figure I'd get left behind.
The area sounds beautiful, especially the hardwood forest, and I'm glad you got to see something that's a little different than just where you live. Good think you found that tick early! It's horrific what they can cause - my stepdaughter has been sick for years from Lyme and now have chronic kidney problems.

This is a very green city with lots of parks and yards with crabapples, lilacs, tulips and lots of other plants. I especially like the little rock gardens I see everywhere. We're also within easy driving distance of farmland and nature, so really the best of both worlds, I think. We drove through lovely farmland yesterday to go to the festival. I'll tell you more about that when you come by here!

The weather has been extremely up and down here, too - 85F to lowest temp since 1944 on Friday! Why can't it just stay at a comfortable 65-70?

Hope you have a good session with the T today, and the homesteading sounds perfect! I bet that will be a great group for you. Maybe you'll find people there to network with when you want to go away and need someone to take care of the animals.

I can attest to the benefit of NC. I think my downpour yesterday was triggered by the positive contact I had with H on Saturday. It's almost worse when it's nice, because then it seems even more unfathomable what happened...

[SH_]

Hi Phoebe,

Just checking in. Thank you for your check ins and for tag teaming with me to help poschan. You made me feel more comfortable with seeking out help and your words and kindness will help him.

I hope your having an awesome day and enjoying some fun activities. Your posts sound to have a very good vibe of late and I love seeing your progress.

[Phoebe]

Thanks for checking in on me, SadHub, Sotto, ggrass, and Painter.

Painter, I hope that a high pressure system is coming your way. Rating to push some blue skies and fluffy clouds your way.


Today was... kind of weird.

It's so late that I'll have to write about it tomorrow, but that MeetUp was not at all what I expected. The people were unusual, and with the exception of one woman, were not people I can really relate to.

So... What was weird? I got hit on for the first time in about 25 years, and it was by that same woman! I have no problem with the gender aspect, but I really have been out of the game a long time that I didn't see it coming. She invited me out for tea after the meeting (well, a drink, but tea is more my thing), and so, why not, right? She was interesting. If it was a man I would have declined, but I am looking for friends now, yes? i have no problem being friends with her still, but I was just caught off-guard.

Am I sending out vibes that I am available? I hadn't intended to.

I'd like to think that the reason I haven't been hit on in all these years was because I wasn't available and that showed, as opposed to not being desirable, but either way, it was a surprise.

Anyway, more tomorrow.

SadHub - I am so off track on my meditation. HELP!!! I did go for a short hike today. Does that count at all?!?!

[Vanilla]

Practise with those signals!

It's going to take a while before they work properly, well in will in my case.

V

[Phoebe]

Well, another non-sleeping kind of night. By the time I realized I wasn't going to be sleeping much on my own, it was too late to take anything, so I slept from around 3-7:30. Not enough, but it is what it is.

So anyway, about that MeetUp. The people just were not ones I could really see myself working with or hanging out with, so that group is probably a wash. I also need to go reevaluate how I'm finding groups. Is there some dating code that I'm not aware of? I mean, I really am not looking for a date!!!

I saw my therapist yesterday, and that was good. I just talked about the first half of my loss history, and I made another appointment to see him tomorrow. I feel like I just want to get it all out there and see if he can help me make some more sense of it all. He noticed something that I already had not - a sense that many old relationships in my life ended up without me feeling like I understood what the heck had happened.

Then my H walks away, and DING, DING, DING, there's that same lack of resolution again. A second person may help me sort things out a bit better. The grief counselor helps me with that process, but my therapist is looking at the bigger picture, and I need that, too.

After the therapist, I went back to that same state park that's nearby and had a really nike, albeit, short hike. It was a great trail, though, rocky, up and down, roots, a lake, wildflowers, birds, a swamp. I really like this little park. It's small, but has a lot of great trails.

So today, I'm working outdoors again. I have 5 trees to plant, and maybe some other stuff.

I hope everyone has a great day.

[TabD]

Phoebe,
I am glad you are talking with a therapist. I hope that they can help you resolve current issues that may have stemmed from prior situations.

[Painter]

Aw, sorry you didn't jive with the group. I know the local homesteading group where I used to live was into things like making salves and fermenting food - but also a lot of growing your own foods. It doesn't sound like something you can figure out beforehand, though, there's all kinds of people everywhere you go!

Your therapist sounds good. I see a lovely lady, but I don't feel like she challenges me enough. She's just very supportive, which is nice, and I feel like it's a good routine in my life to check in with her every week, but I'd like to do some more gritty work.

What kind of trees are you planting?

I'm off for two days (well, working from home) and taking care of my poor dog who seems to have picked up a bug from day care. She had to go out twice in the middle of the night! It started on Sunday so I think I'll give the vet a call today.