5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.(2)

[Natus]

See the part i dont get according to the DR/DB rules is i dont think we are piecing because she has said outright she no longer has any feelings for me.

She still says that but she is making effort in the marriage by being transparent, offering to stay away from OM, no texting OM, and taking leave of work to not see him.

Heck i even offered to separate, albeit that means announcing to her parents then to religious authorities. I've metaphorically showed her the door and said go ahead be free.

[DDJ]

She's not going to let go of what she has. You at home and him at work. She must first feel real loss to understand remorse. Fully comprehend her actions and how it's tearing her life apart. Grieve for the OM and then let him go, before she can even think of being with you for the rest of your lives.

But before then, she needs to leave her job. My WW has her distraction. I can only hope that she does not "fall" for OM2, whilst trying to "get over" OM 1.

Have you looked at the 12 steps for al-anon. Remember that EA is an addiction. You are also addicted to your WW, we both are. That addiction must die for both of you to be complete persons.

[Natus]

Have you looked at the 12 steps for al-anon. Remember that EA is an addiction. You are also addicted to your WW, we both are. That addiction must die for both of you to be complete persons.

I must be getting bad at my detaching if you're giving quotes to me :P

Its probably true though, 180 and GAL is easy for me but detach is not. Im not sure i actually can unless we separate to be honest. For me its either we move forward together or i move forward to move on.

[DDJ]

I'm quoting myself too. That's why it helps to post on as many people as possible. It's all really introspection.

I can also distance, 180, GAL, AS-IF, pretty well. But i guess the more we do that, the more we will detach. I really don't believe that we need to be physically separated to be able to find ourselves - both WW and us.

Finding yourself in your marriage is most likely much easier than finding yourself outside of it. Because then you add the pain of D too.

[Natus]

Finding yourself in your marriage is most likely much easier than finding yourself outside of it. Because then you add the pain of D too.

That is a fair point. The D process will likely be draining on its own.

Yesterday i was a foul mood the whole day but its allowed me to examine the root of my feelings.

All this while i didnt realise i went into my default mode, being strong. Because thats what i do. Im the eldest of four brothers and i am the one my mother looks to to reign my brothers in, i manage and run a gym and a sports team and at work im also a people leader.

I have been to busy being the terminator that i didnt check myself for wounds. Not that i think it has set me back. Strength itself is an attractive quality.

Yesterday i've come to realise how broken my heart is, its in pieces, it needs my attention, it needs my protection, protection from the one i share my bed with. For the first time im looking at my W and not actually wanting to let her in.

My subconscious must be listening this time because i didnt reach out for her last night. I went to bed on my side and woke up on my side.

Is this a new day?

[Natus]

Is it suppose to feel this wierd.

Told the W im going out tonight which was true in that i needed to pick something up from someone but i just told her i wont be late. she asked where and i replied just meeting someone.

So here i am tyring to stretch the time alone at a coffee shop. Didnt even order coffee cause i dont want to stay up to late so im browsing facebook while sipping hot chocolate. Feel like a such a dumbass. I would rather be home but nope im DBing.

Finally decided to go home after about an hour and just watched tv. It started raining heavily and she woke up to come check on me to see if i was home, worried i might be out in the heavy tropical rain.

I guesss im doing this again on weds. sigh......

[DDJ]

Natus, do what you love. What makes you get out of bed on a Sunday morning?

What did you stop doing, or never do since before your M. If you're not showing zest for life,then how can you be a lighthouse, not just for her, but for everyone you choose to bring into your circle.

[Natus]

The W was moody this morning, i just went about my business.

I guess this weds i should actually plan something. I havnt played pool for a long while since son was born.

[Natus]

now im moody, just caught wife in the act deleting calls logs...

She said was work related and that she was afraid i might not understand.

Told her if you had told me straight i would have been understanding but deleting and hiding it just proves you are still lying and hiding things from me.

Told her i wont be coming back home for lunch and to be honest i dont want to see her tonight either but i have to be strong for my S. Play nice, put him to bed then i guess im going to make like DDj and just start being mysterious (that came back to bite me)...

[DDJ]

LOL Natus, the mysterious thing definitely helps my confidence. I was doing what i wanted, just for me and she was none the wiser.

They really think that we are not the smartest, although none of us saw BD coming... But now we must stay ahead of the curve.

Make her miss you! But don't do it for her (counter-intuitive i know)