i told her that exact line. She said that she's not going anywhere. I left the room, came back 5 minutes later and said "I've decided that I am going to move out, i'm not sure where but I need to go".
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
i told her that exact line. She said that she's not going anywhere. I left the room, came back 5 minutes later and said "I've decided that I am going to move out, i'm not sure where but I need to go".
Bad move, buddy. You didn't stick to your boundaries and you've pretty much lost your credibility with that tit-for-tat comment. Brush yourself off, get back on the DB horse and take the long view here. What I've learned in DBing effectively is to always, ALWAYS ask myself this question: "will this action/comment/behavior bring me closer to the goal?"
You're too impatient and hot-headed with your sitch and W. Shooting your mouth isn't going to get you the desires results.
Yes, i see how that can be shooting my mouth off - the only thing is that i'm actually going to move out. Its not a case of because you're not going i'm not. I'm saying that I cannot live with you anymore. One of us must leave.
She is too stubborn to leave and too rebellious to not go out till 10am. I must go or I will continue to react and will drive myself insane. Fact.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Yes, i see how that can be shooting my mouth off - the only thing is that i'm actually going to move out. Its not a case of because you're not going i'm not. I'm saying that I cannot live with you anymore. One of us must leave.
She is too stubborn to leave and too rebellious to not go out till 10am. I must go or I will continue to react and will drive myself insane. Fact.
DDJ,
Let's back it up. What I am saying is that you need to get a grip of your emotions and FAST.
Fact: You CAN control your own emotions and reactions. You are not some helpless person with this imaginary notion that this is a "circumstance beyond your control." As I said in my cheat sheets, you DO have influence on the situation by how you react. What I really think is driving you insane here is that W isn't "falling in line" with your 'demands'....then you throw up your arms in frustration that things are not going "your way" at all.
Step back and really take in the BIG picture here. What are you saying and doing that is contributing to this stand-off? Take a long and hard honest look at yourself. For me, I hate HATE being told what to for I am headstrong and despite people telling me what to do. However, I am much responsive to those who ask me nicely. See what I am driving at here? Adopting the right approach is the key and don't forget tone does play an important role as well.
It's over when you choose. You have got to drop the rope, and take this time to work on you. If it's over, spend this time in this R to move on work on you be the best mofo a man could be, so if/when you do walk, you are prepared and ready for the rest of your life. Don't have sex with her, protect yourself and your kiddo as best as you can...... Let her go.... Let her goooo... Let her goooooooo...
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
How are you going to take care of your son if you move out? You need to get your ducks in a row before you take extreme measures.
I agree with Wonka, you CAN control your emotions and reactions. You choose not to.
As far as what to do when she comes home at 10am? Whatever you planned to do that day at 10am. You do what you do and she does whatever she does. You take care of your son on your days and she takes care of your son on her days. On her days, you do what you gotta do for yourself.
This is the hardest choice in my life people. It's 4am, I am awake and am probably not going to sleep anytime soon. Have that interview today so going to call in sick to rest for it later.
As for sex, no, not touching her. So sad. The only way I can drop the rope without moving out is if I D her now. Really. No ultimatum, not control, no emotions. I cannot live like this anymore.
It's now 5am,she's come into the room I'm in. Saying she wants to make it work, and I'm pushing her away by not showing her any affection or attention. Those are her love languages. I said that she's not building trust by coming in at the times that she does. I say that I need out as I cannot do this anymore.
She brings up mother's day and how she hurt. I ask her to recall how this started. She even sent bff a TM to say that OM1 never even wished her. She is definitely not over OM1 even if there is no OM2. and sandi is right, she is loving the attention right now.
So we close on her wanting to make things work. She says she's going to show me she wants to make it work. She's even going to come home and put her phone down when she walks in to the house. She's not going out anywhere either.
I still need to hold fast, I cannot let her in, I need to see remorse. She can choose to run, I will not stop her.
Quite emotional so don't hit me too hard. Thx
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
@dream, for the past 3 days I have GALd fantasticly. I really let her be. Don't get me wrong, the locking of the door and guilting to come home for her son on her bday was not good. I am doing what I want whenever I want really.
Some of it is reactionary but I'm getting there, too slowly I know.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
