3 my story 3

[e04355]

last night i got a "whatcha doing" text from her. first time in a long time for one of those. i told her i was chillin with an old friend. which is true. and she said "oh cool, have fun"

im pretty sure she wants me to come over and talk. and will ask for that directly, very soon. and by the way she has been acting towards me lately....this could be the "ive been thinking..... speech"

[e04355]

i think it..just happened.....

she was nearly in tears when i went to pick up the kids. she was barely holding it together. i broke protocol and asked her if she wanted to talk. she said yes.

she cried and told me that she has been soul searching the past few days. that, she now realized she is where she is at because of her own actions. that when our marriage got difficult, she ran away and wanted the OM to save her. that she fueled her self with the approval of anyone who would give it and cast aside anyone who questioned her. she feels horrible, wants to be loved. but doesnt feel deserving of it right now. she wants to continue to work on herself for a little while. she said that she needs to formally forgive me for all the things that she feels necessary.

so much happened in a matter of 15 min. i can only remember half of it. but basically, she has taken responsibility , is owning it, and is starting the process of dealing with it.

im truly amazed at this. im still keeping my distance, and providing her lots of breathing room. i didnt say much, mostly just listened and told her how mature, and brave she was for taking these steps and talking about it.

[J5K]

Nice job. Now she needs to prove it with her actions.

[Ralph88]

Wow... Take it slow... This may be the beginning of some good or some bad. Be careful!!!! Continue taking care of you and let her take care of her... Actions over words and actions over emotions!

[e04355]

im taking care of me.

and although i didnt ask, she does not want any help.

she said she is going to take time with me, her mom and her dad, individually and try to forgive/discuss life up to this point.

[Natus]

great news even though to be taken with a side of caution.

When one of you guys/girls get a break its uplifting for the rest of us. Wish you luck, just remember work before when and as ralph88 said, actions over words and actions over emotions.

[e04355]

ive been watching it all unfold from a distance over the last several weeks. and i still need to see a lot of work out of her. and im not going to rush to get back to her. or even begin that process.

i'm just seeing it for what it is. a step. could be good or bad. and she can still choose to sit here on this step indefinitely.

i gotta keep doing me and watching from a distance from now. letting her do what shes gotta do. i kinda remember being here myself about 8 months ago. i forgave her (this was during our first attempt to reconcile during our first separation) i attempted to make everything right. but it was all one sided, she just wasn't into it. perhaps now, this time around......idk we'll see.

patience and time are on my side

[Ralph88]

You sound like you have it under control. I will say that from a distance, you can still care, you can still pray for her. It's good for her whatever the outcome may be.

[e04355]

i still care, and believe me, i pray a lot for her.

i expect a process, not just a flip of a switch. but im not expert.

[Ralph88]

Be realistic though, this may not mean success for your M. And it's a long process. Keep working on you and what you can control. We are all pulling for and thinking of you, regardless of what happens to come through better on the other side.