My W does have a very demanding personality. She did expect me to move out when she suggested a trial separation and completely freaked out on me when I suggested she move out if that's what she wants. I'm sure it's more of the same attitude about the MBR (how dare I, the man, take the MBR from his poor wife). You don't want to sleep in the same bed as me, find somewhere else to sleep. Cadet et al, I have you all to thank for helping me attain that attitude!
So it's my birthday today. W and kids gave me some presents, no card from W. She's invited a few of our friends over for drinks tonight. Feels entirely out of obligation but she has been nice and pleasant today - again probably just because its my birthday.
We were out at a bbq earlier for my sons hockey team and noticed my W is not wearing her wedding ring. I don't think I've ever seen her forget to put it on but I'm going to try and resist asking her about it and wait until tomorrow to see if she is no longer wearing it. If she's not, this is a huge move on her part. In fact, it looks like she is wearing some new clothes today as well but could be from her sister. Again, resisting asking. Will post back tomorrow on the wedding ring. To me, if she has made a decision to not wear her wedding ring it's saying a lot of things (eg. marriage is done, she's back on the market etc). I'll likely have a hard time getting through the evening without asking her about the wedding ring.
So it's my birthday today. W and kids gave me some presents, no card from W.
Originally Posted By: James3
Feels entirely out of obligation but she has been nice and pleasant today - again probably just because its my birthday.
First off, Happy Birthday!
Secondly, I just had mine recently and spent it alone, while W was away doing her own thing... She did text though, so there's that...
I guess, be happy for what you got, but you're right, don't read into it too much. Tomorrow could be back to the same old, and birthdays only come... well, you know.
It's a little after 8:30am here and I haven't been able to get back to sleep since 4am. Been thinking about my W not wearing her ring. I did not ask her last night but will today when she gets up if she is still not wearing it. She would have put it back on last night had she of forgotten early but she didn't so I'm pretty sure she has removed the ring purposely. That said, I plan to ask her why she isn't wearing her ring. She'll likely give me a vague answer like "I don't want to". Now, before I go down the rabbit hole talking about why she removed her ring without even talking to me about it, I did read an article on the subject and they suggested first thing to do is ask her to put the ring back on "can you please put the ring back on" and see what she says. I think the idea here is, if she removed it to see if I even care I at least show her that it does matter to me. Basically, I need to acknowledge her action - if I don't she may think I don't care. The flip side is, maybe she doesn't care what I think. If she just responds by saying she doesn't want to wear the ring anymore than down the rabbit hole I go to ask why she isn't wearing it and what does that mean (marriage done, she's letting everyone know she is no longer in a committed marriage, she's single etc)??
I'm hopeful she has done this to try and get some sort of reaction out of me and no other reason. I tend to agree with the article in that sitting back and ignoring it would likely create more problems. As time passes she may increasingly think that I really don't care.
She really doesn't care. It does not matter if you care. We know you care, she knows that you care. You can ask, nothing wrong, but know that you're not going to get an answer that you like anyhows.
My WW never came home until 12pm this afternoon. I could ask the questions, but won't like the answers. I've got to put in place every boundary that I can to make sure that her actions cannot hurt me. This includes her words.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I just asked the W why she wasn't wearing her wedding ring and she thankfully had a good answer. She is an RMT (registered massage therapist) and had an all day training class the day before and she had put all her rings into her purse and forgot to put them back on again. I didn't notice but she wasn't wearing any of her other rings either. I wish I had noticed that yesterday before getting myself all worked up. So much for detachment!
All well - doesn't change my situation but at least it hasn't escalated either.
I just asked the W why she wasn't wearing her wedding ring and she thankfully had a good answer. She is an RMT (registered massage therapist) and had an all day training class the day before and she had put all her rings into her purse and forgot to put them back on again. I didn't notice but she wasn't wearing any of her other rings either. I wish I had noticed that yesterday before getting myself all worked up. So much for detachment!
All well - doesn't change my situation but at least it hasn't escalated either.
that's good news to hear, but I would be a little skeptical in that W could be finding excuses to remove the ring. You're probably right in assuming she's being honest, and don't it a priority to keep an eye on it... but just something to keep in mind over the coming weeks. The question is... if you find 1 or 2 more times where she's not wearing ring (I found some girl's night social media pics of my W not wearing hers, and she said "girl's night and no one had them on, which was true), but think ahead about how you are going to handle the issue if you find more occasions where the ring is mission.
I'll keep an eye on it but her response did make sense (and she wasn't stumbling around trying to come up with a story - she just responded with the answer right away and non-defensively).
On a separate note, the W was supposed to call the MC around now to book an appointment for her (she wants to talk to the MC by herself first and then another appointment for the two of us - we had originally had individual sessions with the MC followed by couples sessions since). I initially said sure, see if the MC will talk to you alone if you want. The reason I agreed was that the first time she met the MC on her own she came back with renewed optimism about our marriage (so did I after my first one on one). But, first, I don't think the MC will allow any individual appointments once the couples sessions start (so as to appear not to take sides or keep secrets from each other). Second, whatever it is that she wants to talk to the MC about I want to hear at this point. If she is having a lot of doubts about our marriage, even though it will rip my heart out, I want to know what she is really thinking and where her head is at. I know I'm not doing a great job of detaching. I've had a bad week of emotions but it gets severely compounded when I don't sleep and I've only been getting a few hours sleep each night this past week. And that's when my mind tends to runaway on me. Need something (or someone) to know me out!
Hang in there. I started to exercise right before bed time to make myself extra tired so I could sleep. It helped get me to sleep but I would still wake early and just lay there.
Also I think you were right on to ask about the rings. My W did the same thing with thr excuse of feeling pain to wear rings that used to symbolize something. I think she was sending a message to me and OM.
