Here is my suggestion. Stop going by her house and spending time with the girls. Yes, I know, you want to and feel you need to, but I promise that is having a lot to do with her cold attitude and trying to push you away. You need to set up a schedule for when you will see the kids, and if she refuses.......get legal help. Stay out of her house! When you pick up the kids, wait in the car till they are at the door, ready to leave. She resents you being there in the house.
Stop responding to her texting, unless she asks a direct question that needs answering. Then, use only two to three words to answer.
Yes, she most certainly is playing games. She wants what she can't have. She should think she can't have you! She should get a taste of what D really looks like.
Plan something ahead for weekends. You had a life before M, get one again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
excile, it's far too soon to consider Sandi's rules counter productive. There's a period where nothing at all will make a difference. Your W seems to be playing you the way they all do right now. Don't fall for the "friends" stuff either thinking you've got a way back in.
You've got to pull away entirely. No messaging, no answers. Be brief on anything that has to do with the kids.
There are many L's that will give you a free consult, you should start looking right now to learn your rights. Find the right fit. It might be an eye opening experience.
Do I miss the dumb little things about being married? Shared experiences over a lifetime that nobody else knows or would understand? You bet. However, you need to protect yourself, and grow yourself. If not you, for your kids. There's going to be a lot more turbulence before you get to cruising altitude.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
It's been a strange week with my W taking the kids to Disneyland. I went to the house when she was away and found that she had locked the front door from the inside and taken the key from the back door. I was furious and called the police for advice and then called a locksmith to let me in.
Things since her return had been really good. our relationship improved and she even invited me for dinner last night. It was great until she realised that I had been in the house without her knowing. I didn't want to bring any of it up as I didn't want to ruin all the progress we had made.
She is now very angry that I had been there and that I had informed the police. Even though I have every legal right to be there, she cannot accept that I can go indie without her permission. Maybe I should have considered her feelings, but I didn't think it would cause such a row. She says that a true friend would never call the cops on her and that I have been sneaky and a liar for going in.
I have tried to make peace with her as the situation was getting out of hand but she doesn't want to right now. She feels that we were turning a corner and that I was getting on with my life and seemed happier than I have ever been...I screwed up and now don't know what to do. From being in such a good position to back to the resentful and hostile environment in 12 hours! I am now looking at strict visitation for the kids again with no flexibility.
Will she calm down and can I get back to where I was? Even though I did nothing wrong, I feel like the bad guy and have ruined all my hard work...What do you all advise?
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
I am sorry you feel like this, but I think she was just waiting for an excuse and by the way, would you want to tread on egg shells for the rest of your life? You said it best, that you had every right to be there. I think a foot must be planted and a line drawn.
And I think you are also misjudging the position you were in. Could it be that you only thought it was a great one? And why the f did you go to the house? Did you not read Sandi's last answer on your thread (top of page 3)?
I felt that after months of coldness and avoidance, she suddenly started to show interest. She became closer to me again and we were able to talk like old times. It was all positive until she discovered that I had been in the house and called the police.
That is what really got to her, the police, as it is something that would hold her accountable unlike me who backs down all the time.
I went to the house because I wanted to spend some time there as I feel happy there and the alternative was being alone in a room that is not my home. She wasn't even there so it's not like I was hounding her. I know what sandi said and I appreciate that now may be the time to implement her advice. I cannot continue to one day be ok and the next be at the receiving end of her belittling anger.
She is now not communicating with me and I am not initiating any contact. I'm sure she will contact me at one point to arrange seeing the girls. I need some time to get some sleep, all this has taken it's toll on my health.
She spoke of a "new friendship" that she thought we had before I did what I did. She now just thinks that I am a deceitful and spiteful person that doesn't know what friendship is. She has really hit me hard as I thought things were getting better. Maybe I'm over optimistic.
I believe that I am addicted to her in a way. I read the advice given to me on this thread but feel I can't stay away from her. I just like being in the house with her and the kids and experiencing what once was. It is probably slowing down my recovery but it's a good feeling even though it doesn't last long.
I guess I need to take this situation as an opportunity to detach from her but I am struggling. I relied on her so much that I don't know anything else.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
No Vapo. I called the cops to get advice. she took offence as she thought I had reported her.
She has now said that she hopes to re-establish our "friendship" soon as long as I respect her boundaries! This may be due because I was pissed at her for the way she has been treating me in the last week. Perhaps she feels she needs to get me on side in case I start pulling away..not sure.
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Yes Vapo, I agree. I don't need this kind of friendship. She has now changed the locks and has been spiteful and bringing up every mistake that I have made. I'm not sure this marriage can be saved now. She needs me around, for the children's sake and maybe as an outlet for her frustrations but as soon as we are on talking terms, she starts a row. She says she doesn't give a damn about keeping the house as she doesn't want me to have any hold over her. I don't even know if I should stsy in the same town anymore. She has restricted my access to the kids so I won't see them as often.
Are tgere any rules as to when to walk away from trying to save a marriage?
I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
