Babe, Let's back up a bit. The parents aren't always the ones that stunted them emotionally. It could be another authority figure, i.e., a neighbor, family friend, teacher, etc., The MLCer has to go back to that time and revisit the situation that has been shoved deep down into their souls. They need to work through the hurt, anger, disappointment and come to realize that as a child, there is/was nothing he/she could do differently. They need to understand that they were not at fault for what happened. Whether they forgive the person in authority or is up to them, but they do need to revisit that time.
As for the therapist, I'm not surprised to read what you wrote. Many will go to a therapist and spin a story from their warped perspective of what has been going on. The therapist advises them what to do based on what they've been told and/or the patient will pick and chose what to hear from the sessions and apply to his/her own situation. There's no convincing them otherwise because he's not ready to listen.
Congratulations on passing the French test. Keep up the good work! Keep the focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am going to take the next level of French, the class starts next Thursday.
Tomorrow is husband's birthday, we had dinner tonight, we did not see each other for six months, this is the first time we meet since Feb. I try to be light, we shared some funny things.
He told me he will meet his old friend and will have dinner with hs elder brother(who works overseas), I think he is quiet down a bit, he bought me gift when he had a trip with his company this June.
I did not talk about 'coming home' 'what's your plan', I don't want to pressure.
One thing I noticed is that he no longer with the rages. I hope it is a good sign.
By the way, Job, I am grateful for your reply, as always !!!
Hey Job, Friday night, I had dinner with husband, he was very calm and tendered, I did not pressure him and was as light, friendly as I could.
Soon we're going to celebrate moon festival, today I visit his mother(I haven't been to his mother's place for 5 months) my mother in law told me, they had dinner last night and husband fought with her, I don't know if it's as you described, the MLCer regress to where/the time they got stunted and is trying to work on himself...
My mother in law is not an easy-going woman, so in past years, I try not to be too closed with her(frankly I don't like her) he loves her elder son more, my husband was mistreated since he was born. There are the feeling of hatred between mother and son. That's not something I can help or fix, what do I do? Keep the distance (I prefer)
I'm glad the dinner went well w/your h on Friday evening. As long as you don't pressure him, he will be calm. The more he thinks you are putting pressure on him, the more emotional he will get and pull away. I think you've figured that one out...Right?
As for your MIL, go and be civil. You don't have to be distant or rude to the woman. If she asks you questions, answer them politely and do not share much of your personal life w/her. You can share the fact that you are taking French and how much you are enjoying it. Inquire as to what she's been up to and hopefully your time w/her will go rather quickly and you can return home.
There's nothing you can do to fix the son/mother relationship. The best advice is to stay out of it and allow them to figure things out on their own.
Keep the focus on you and your French studies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I like to share something with you; last Thursday night, after class, husband texted me that he met his high school friend(male, I know that guy) they were having dinner and husband shared their photo with me which surprises me; he had not been 'friendly' for a really long time... Ever since bomb dropped, I became his enemy, I have no idea how much he hated me.
Think he is heading to good direction, he started in approaching his old friend, there was a time he wants 'new' friend only; including the OW, he was up to the new things, drinking and the things bring him excitement.
Also I forgot to mention when we had dinner together for his birthday, he brought me gifts that he bought when he had trip to Japan.
I kept my cool and act politely, I don't want to raise my expectation and be too excited. I will work this weekend as volunteer to the church and I study hard for new language.
Not sure the stage he is at ? I am friendly and I keep the distance, are there more dos/don't for me ?
Don't worry about the stages. Be sure to thank him for whatever he does for you...that's important. Just enjoy the nice things he's doing and continue as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Three more lessons to go, my 2nd level of french class will be over, I have exam next week and two business trips to go...
I did not contact husband for weeks, yesterday he texted me; he would pay the bill(that's the charge of whole year) of the service of internet for our apartment, what a surprise ! I then send him message with my gratitude.
I enjoy learning the language; I'll be working as volunteer at weekends of November for church.
Congratulations on almost completing the French class. Good luck on the exam!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had exam of French class(level 2) and was very busy for weeks; I passed the exam and will be taking the class Jan.2017, am doing fine.
He stopped pushing me for divorce for ten months. I recall the very last time he yelled when we had phone conversation, he said 「I just want to be left here and live by myself quietly !!!」he needs to be healed from past trauma, right ? yesterday it came to my mind the words he said and I read about it from this site, the MLCer needs to be healed from the past that has him haunted... certainly I wouldn't be the doctor nor the fixer, gradually I realize this.
I'm travelling to Japan for few days with my sister, I'm happy to have a short break before end on 2016.
