I agree with whatisis and I think history is an important thing too. If history is questionable, future may well be the same - unless there truly has been an awakening.
I thought that was a horrid comment from your ex - showing a failure to empathise with understandable feelings in someone else..
I too think you sound very nice and your therapist sounds like a keeper too
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you, thank you, all for the great advice and comments.
Job, My ex is an A-hole. I want to smack the crap out of him most times. There is no talking to him about how his behavior hurts others. I tried in our M, I basically got "I am who I am, I am never going to change" I gave up and shut down in our M when going through IVF and pregnancy, because I couldn't take it anymore, my attention needed to be on me and the baby. And I still tried to get him to love me and treat me right, just not as hard. I seriously feel such guilt for having HIS baby, knowing how he treats people.
I have addressed his behavior around our D and he thinks there is nothing wrong. Our D refuses to address him about the way she feels, I understand, she is scared he will get mad. He speaks to him mom extremely disrespectfully, and I am sure his wife. Him and his sister timeshare his mom now and my D is just so happy when she is there. Yeah, she is schizophrenic (literally) but she is sweet and gentle. she actually said "I have no idea how daddy came out grandma, grandma is so sweet and he can be a monster". It's sad, and I am helpless against it.
Sotto, he completely lacks the empathy chip. It's almost scary. And I feel sad for him he doesn't have those capabilities.
I cannot change anyone. I absolutely cannot. I don't want to change the core of their being, but I know I cannot change their behaviors. In the beginning, the nice things that are being said override my gut. Then my gut becomes much more powerful and I need to honor it much faster.
Ginger, You can't make anyone change, but you can change the way that you react to them. When they disrespect you, speak up and let them know it's not okay to talk to you that way. I know, it's like beating a horse to death and then thinking the horse will get up and trot away...but you have to take a stand for YOU and for your daughter.
Ginger, you are doing everything humanly possible to support your daughter and she should not be afraid to express her thoughts/feelings to her father. It's such a shame. However, I am very glad she can talk to you and some of her other relatives.
Your xh is a fool and yes, an @sshole too.
I wish that I could do something to make both you and your daughter feel better.
Please start a new thread when you get the chance.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
