Hi NYG, I have to say I agree with what others have posted. It doesn't sound as though you guys are yet in a place to make such a big move as you are suggesting and I'm also concerned that her behaviour indicates she's not 'all in' at this point. I think you would be best staying put and extending your current arrangements if possible.
A former poster - Starsky - always used to say....the number one mistake the LBS makes is letting them come back too easily...
I think you would be wise to step back here, give yourself/yourselves some time here and see how things go. From what you post, she is sounding pretty conflicted still.
Take care and look after yourself x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well, I'm doubling my efforts to buy a town house or condo so o can move into my own place. I can always rent it later. Part of my desire to move back home is my beautiful garden. I don't want to miss a whole season of its glory! But I hear you all.im going to continue to GAL and not be always available. In fact I've made plans for Sunday night, which I suspect will be a surprise to W, since that's the only night she's free this weekend.
Will it ever return to just a comfortable, secure M where we can just relax and not worry? Actually, I am so grateful that we've come this far. I'm lucky. I can take the uncertainty.At least we're heading in the right direction.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
It may never return to a comfortable M, but maybe that is some of the reason there were issues in the first place. I hear Ms are hard work and your have to strive to keep it alive every day. If it's meant to be, it will be and all of this time is just a blip on the radar of a very long happy life.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Well, it better be a comfortable M. I hope that isn't asking too much! LOL! But yes, I do know that all relationships can be hard. We're all just so darn human. Thanks for all the good advice. We are still progressing along the road to full reconciliation. We check in at least once every day. I'm still maintaining my GAL activities, and enjoying the good morning and good night texts, as well as our little sweet names for each other.
I take very seriously the admonition to take it slowly and be careful. I've always felt this break-up was just so wrong. W agrees, and we're both working to make it better this time around.
Fingers crossed for you all, too.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Rough day with W yesterday. She was being inconsistent in some of her statements - absolute statements changed to relative statements: "I never did X became, well I haven't done X in a while." "I never want to see ow or be friends with her" changed to "well, I am not interested in running into ow now and I don't think we can be friends right now."
So I realize I need to pull back a little and make sure she's willing to fight for me and work hard to earn my trust again. That sentence says it all.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Regarding living arrangements... I'm supposed to be out of my room by June 15 or so... I don't really have any where to go right now, but I'm sort of enjoying the unknown. I have some options, but nothing is firmed up yet. It also depends on when my housemate finds someone to move in. So anything is possible. I'm also still looking for a townhouse or condo to purchase. No luck there yet.
W and I continue to move forward. I can't say the road is without bumps, but we are getting through the rough spots and will probably come out stronger as a result.
I still feel like ow isn't letting go completely. She called W at least once last week to report that she saw me on campus. She's so immature. In her position at the university, employee confidentiality ranks right up there, and she had to tell W I was going to see a University therapist. I actually wasn't, but that didn't stop her from telling W!! She should (and could) be fired for all the ways she has let slip confidential information about employees.
She apparently makes a habit of breaking people up... I'm not making this stuff up. There are at least two other couples she's messed with, i.e. sided with one of them and helped convince them to leave the partner. She's not particularly attractive or personable, but she must have something compelling that I just don't see. I don't waste too much time thinking about her, and I really don't care what happens to her, as long as she stays the he!! away from us. I could forgive her at some point, but I'd prefer to just have her fade away from my/our life. She's not a nice person, to put it mildly!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal, are you thinking about reporting her? That sounds pretty outrageous! You could also contact her and tell her that you *will* report her if she doesn't back off.
I think you buying a place of your own is a good move regardless. You can always rent it out if you move back in with W at some point and still have your independence. A rental is like a savings account and a great thing to have.
I don't know what H saw in OW, either. She's 60 and acts like 16. She also drinks.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
In fact, ow is only 55 and acts like 13. And drinks. Quite a hot mess!
I am not going to report ow because that could lead to more trouble for me, frankly. But if I ever find the need to, it's good to have this information in my back pocket. If I said the "or else" to her, she'd go straight to W and paint me as the crazy person. Even though she has revealed very confidential information about personnel, I can't risk being the one to make it known to the higher ups. Not now at least. She's already one of the higher ups, so it would mean going straight to the top. I'm not ready for that. But, oh the protection this offers me!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Wow. She does sound like a mess. On the other hand, her behavior certainly makes you look like a much more stable and classy choice!
Glad to see that things are still progressing, though the non-comittment to NC with the OW is a bit troubling. Definitely stay on the slow track.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
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