Lost and scared

[Coconut]

Jz,

I'm sry to see that you are going through this situation. I'm not a vet, but a couple of things I'd like to mention...

You mention that you still sit with spouse and watch movies..

I would think it would be better for you to go do something while your H is sitting around. Go take line dance lessons, go learn yoga, go do something, GAL.. I use meetup.com to find groups with different interests that I'd like to try, for example I'm going to meetup at a local restaurant to play board games later in the week, it gets me out socializing and having a good time, let your H be home alone and see what it's like to be home alone, and don't be afraid to get dressed nice when you go out.. maybe you'll come home with a smile on your face...

Hang in there.

[Jzmill]

Thanks Cubebot..
Hope you are right but he doesn't seem confused on way leaning. Doing best not to think about his feelings for coworker but tough. could feelings fade soon? Hope he can realize that our marriage is the better choice and not to give up.

Once last wk I let him know was playing tennis after work. When I got home he asked how it was and asked if was singles or doubles. So seemed to take interest but did best not to analyze. Same with saying goodnight. I can tell from face he rather not but He initiates a hug. The effort varies.

When you say "early stage" is that bc we are living together and he has delayed saying anything to me?

[Jzmill]

Blu/Coconut- thanks didn't see post

Things still tough but breathing..

Have things in mind to stay busy at home (yard work, running, reading outside) to follow through with. Guess am afraid he will think I'm making a point/manipulating by all of a sudden doing things during our typical time together (more so on weekend). Going through motions with that and sure he would rather do more of own thing upstairs. He will occasionally go out after work and I'm trying too. Looking to do softball again in summer.

[Jzmill]

Need feedback..
H told friend he fears the aftermath of ending. H mad at himself for delaying telling me where he is at. That has been on his mind for weeks. He has been sighing around house at times. Doing best to not react even tho unsettling of what could come.

Why the delay? If he approaches me what do then?
Will try to run/plant and not sit around even tho at a low.

[Coconut]

As far as what to tell him, I think you should say that is not what I want, but if you want X, I understand... Try and blow his mind by standing strong like you couldn't care less... In the meantime, go out for girls night out, dress nice and be fun... Make him realize what he is thinking of giving up...

[Jzmill]

Thanks coconut...

Others advice too on my last post above and this one appreciated...

H continues to let me know when doing something/home late. I have been doing the same. As you guys mentioned above not reading into that, esp since his mind is made up on outcome he wants (although delaying telling me). I have been excusing myself and saying "going for run" " tired going to bed," etc. He will say ok. If leave w/o saying anything he may not care but think would be weird.

I selfishly want to stay and watch tv and be with him each night but know as you said shouldn't. You guys are the vets so know you are right but I fear me being busy/skipping out early occasionally may be obvious and may be exactly what he wants (to have more time to self since doesn't care?). Feel I'm on borrowed time so that's setting in I think. Thanks.

[Jzmill]

As some have stated themselves, I am running out of steam. I'm a planner so the no control thing and H's same day/last min. plans after work is draining. He never did that before. maybe testing me to see what will do. I have not reacted tho at all to this which is a miracle. Don't want to feel defeated but close. Trying to focus on running/outside activities to distract. As stated above H delaying telling me done.

Advice appreciated of my questions from last couple posts above.

[Coconut]

Jzmill, I understand how emotionally and mentally draining this is, I don't have very good patience which even makes it worse... If you stay with him your more likely to push, and that would make the sitch worse, so don't worry about it being obvious.

Also, I think the mod moved your thread to newcomers now, so you should start getting more responses..

Are you doing any GAL activities with other people? This is where I've been struggling but I believe has the most benefit for being happy..

[Jzmill]

Patience sure is tough. H sounds happy when calls to let me know on way home. Like things are fine, it hurts. I will work more on getting out to run/bike/golf and not sitting around each time with him. We spent most of our time together but when we did our own thing, I preferred to use my time to be by myself. The couple times I have been out, I will say briefly what doing (going to golf) and maybe he assumes if on a week day I'm with other people.

[SH_]

Jzmill,

I am sorry you are in the situation that you are.
I want to encourage you to post frequently and to check into others threads for ideas for you as well as to lend support. This can create more traffic for your thread. Lots of good folks on this forum with challenges of their own, but much good advice and many at various points of the long journey.

Keep up the GAL, know that you have the gift of time, and focus on you.
These are my first bits of advice.