2T--catching up with your sitch. Some really great stuff going on. Not just in the R with your H, but inside your own mind, it seems. I love your perspective.
I really appreciate and understand your thoughts on "new OW." This is how I feel too--it will be his choice/his loss.
You are so far ahead of me on this crazy journey and I do not know how you have managed. I have barely slept in 6 months and have lost 30 lbs.
I hope and pray things turn out well with your 'nose thing.' It sounds scary for sure.
Happy Mothers Day to you. Enjoy. Any plans?
Me 47 H 49 S18 S15 M 21 BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16 Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16 BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16 Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June H leaves 5/7/16
2T - I don't really have anything to add except, just like Melweb, I love your perspective.
Glad you are taking good care of your health issues by asking questions and being thorough. Hoping everything goes smoothly - please be sure to keep us in the loop.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Gwen, thank you for the post and the encouragement.
My perspective? Like most of us here, I was very much like Ms. Gaynor sang about. Petrified. But as time went by, I realized that although I wanted my H (at least the H he used to be) in my life, I didn't need him to survive. It's been a long road to get to that point, but I think we all do realize at some point the we have no control over what they do or think. We only have control over ourselves. And with that realization comes the real reward of our journey. We will survive and thrive despite what has happened.
My heart goes out to those with children because I honestly don't know how I would handle that. It puts an entirely different perspective on things and it has to be a much more difficult road to travel. I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for those trying to navigate those waters.
Mel, I don't have any plans for tomorrow. I was supposed to be traveling back from my sister's before I came down with this stinking cold, so no special plans with my kids or grandkids. But I did head out to the store and picked up a steak and german chocolate cake (my favorite). Thanks for the inspiration.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
When H was here he told BIL (and me) that he would be coming back every month after July, even if only for 3 or 4 days, so he'd have a better understanding of how things are going here. He really needs to do that. I have a hard time handling his bull-headed B and it's reflected in the finances.
BIL said he told H that he shouldn't come back every month because it really wasn't necessary and we could save the travel expenses.
I was stunned. I listened to him as he continued with his reasoning and finally interrupted, saying, Thanks, BIL, for encouraging my H not to come home. End of conversation.
It's not enough I have to worry about suggestions and advice H gets from his "friends" over there, but now I have to worry about BIL too? I just wonder how he'd feel if his W walked away and I was encouraging her to stay away? Wow. Just wow!
I hope all the Mom's out there had a great Mother's Day.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
How did your H respond to BIl's suggestions 2times2many? Honestly I wonder why your BIL felt that he should offer his wisdom, if your H says he NEEDS to be home for a few days every month, unless he asked BIL to pay his travel expenses I don't understand why your BIL got involved. Sometimes I'm thankful we are thousands of miles away from our families, because in a way they can complicate things. My sister has regular problems with her SIL and BIL, and I find myself thankful that H is an only child. I'm sure your BIL thought he was offering useful advice, but it really was not what neither you or your H wanted to hear.
I hope you are well, thank you for all the wonderful advice in my thread.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
I surely would have a sit down w/that BIL of yours and advise him that if your h wants to return periodically, then it is your h's business. I think your BIL is enjoying being in charge, so to speak, while your h is at the other location. He wants to look important and come across as not only being productive, but knowledgeable in all things. He likes the fact that he's not being watched or questioned about his work.
Your BIL has his own agenda and I would be watching him more closely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I have always felt BIL had his own agenda and I do believe he gets his ego fed by running the ops here. I've been trying to delicately point out to H for a long while that BIL does not have H's or my best interest at heart. I will be having a conversation with BIL.
On to the biggie ...
This morning I went into H's office here and the odor was unmistakable - I remember it well from my high school/college days. He left a baggie in his office drawer.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Although I wondered if he was dabbling (given the "friends" he has over there and what he's told me about his high school days), I had no proof. Now I have it.
I don't know what to do. Do I let him know I found it? Do I keep my mouth shut? What do I do?
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
I would get rid of the baggie and when the opportunity should arise, I would say..."h, I went into your office to get something and it reeked of a foul odor. When I found where the odor was coming from, I discovered the baggie. I flushed the stuff down the drain and aired the office out.
Well, I'm not surprised that he's dabbling into something. They all tend to experiment (again) from days gone by.
As for the BIL, tread gently, but he needs to understand that he's an employee and will need to keep his opinions to himself about whether or not your h needs to come into the office. After all, it's a business that both you and your h own...am I correct on this?
Get rid of the baggie! Do not share what you found w/the BIL.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'll tread lightly with BIL, Job. The problem is when H decided to fly the coop, he brought BIL in and told BIL he would be "running" things here and H would be running things over there. It has gone to BIL's head. (Yes, H and I are 50/50 owners. At the time I thought H was trying to force me out and maybe he was ... IDK). I actually heard BIL tell H last week not to address the employees about things he sees that need to be addressed, but to tell him (BIL) and let him address it.
Of course, I see what's going on, but I'm not sure H does. It really stinks being in a position of trying to make H see that his B doesn't necessarily have his back without coming right out and saying you're B is being a snake in the grass. I fear H might think I'm using that as a ploy to get him to come home and I don't want it to look like that. At least H knows BIL tries to play us against one another like a kid trying to get Mom to say yes after Dad said no.
OMG, I have man-children all around me!
On the subject of my latest discovery, I'm sitting here in the office wondering when and how to handle that one when I get a delivery of flowers from H with a note wishing me a late Happy Mother's Day. I suppose they came late because he knew I was supposed to be traveling on Sunday and would be out of the office on Monday. So, I guess saying anything about this latest thing will be put on the back burner for a while since I don't want to appear ungrateful for his gesture.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
