Well I thought there was a bit of a shift. And it's possible there still may be. Or it's nothing at all.
A couple weeks ago I decided I am done with the firm NC. As i felt like it made me angry at everything. It wasn't what I wanted, so I made the change and was talkative and not dismissive. It felt much better to communicate this way
After that W initiated contact that night and we texted for about 20 minutes about the boys and little things like that. She said a couple things that were different from how she normally has been talking. Like calling s1 our son instead of by name. I went on with the rest of my week and though she was on my mind a bit more than usual I was fine. Personally I have started to be open to looking to meet new people. I'm not about to go after someone, I am not closed to the idea of someone tho.
Then on the weekend I was away with my team I have been coaching for the final tournament of the year. I had a blast with them and the other coaches. I used te chance to try new things. To be happy and feel good. And it was! Then randomly Friday afternoon she starts texting me.
Asking about how this friend is. How this couple is. How my work is. etc. and I answered. It really threw me off because it is like she ran and never looked back. Today when we met to switch the boys she was happy and talkative. Until I told her I am planning on taking all the kids out to visit her family. That pissed her off
She left right away and it didn't take her long to start spewing at me about how now her parent and mine are controlling and manipulative. How I became a wedge between her and her family. ( her family rarely talks to her since this). However unlike previous times I didn't get sucked into a fight and stood up. I told her that her family are te type of people that make their decisions based on the info they are provided. That though I did talk to them at the beginning she would probably be surprised at how much less I talked to them than she thinks, regardless they are all adults and are able to make their own choices with the info they are given.
She stayed angry for a bit and then apologized for getting mad at me. That it was a kick in the stomach to her. And that the kids deserve to see the family. After that she started talking about the older 2 kids, asking how they've been and that she thinks about them all the time. Still loves them.
During the spew she said a lot of things like re stating what she said when she left. That we are done. This is why, Etc. then changed her attitude and realized she shouldn't be mad at me about it. Which was huge. Most of me really believes she is talkative more because she wants a friendship, some friends said tho. She could have asked anyone the questions. And why care. After not talking for a few hours Friday she texts good luck in the tourney. I mean. Why bother reaching out to me
I still miss her and would love to be a family. I am also ok with where I am in my life right now. I am doing so much better deep down instead of telling myself I'm ok. I feel ok.
Everything is moving forward.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
And even after an angry outburst. Followed by an apology she still texts me about random stuff she could have googled or asked anyone else.
Whether anything happens or not I find ib fine. I feel happier lately and have stuck to my changes. Not to the extreme I did change. A happy medium tho. One that doesn't completely exhaust me
I am happy I am a better person and laughing that he didn't want to see it and won't.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
At what point do you say to hell with it all and give up any hope. I have run the gambit of emotions over this. It has only been 6 months yet it feels like years.
So far I have been living my life. I am quite happy 99% of the time. I have thins to do all the time, activities planned. Yet part of me still feels that pull to Ex. That sting of the A. The anger of her lies.
It only took 1 to 1-1/2 months of her "doing it on her own" before she moved in with OM. It partially hurts. Mostly makes me sad for my boys. s3 hates it and I can tell.
Also S3 has no problem saying I want it live with daddy. I don't like mommy. And it doesn't change depending where he is at. It is the same no matter where he is. Ex was talking to S3 this morning and the convo was fine until S3 asked where she was at. She said OM house. S3 immediately said love you mom bye and hung up. Total change in attitude as soon as she said that.
Do you think she will ever clue in? Doubtful.
Personally I think I have to slow down. Tomorrow night will be the first night in 2 weeks I haven't had something going on after work. Be it coaching or playing a sport or taking S3 to t ball. I feel like I had too much on my plate.
It all takes me back to my question. I love how my life is now. The changes I made and stuck to. It's too bad W didn't stick around to see them
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I never thought of it in that sense. If one is detached there would be no worry about letting go.
I am looking at my life and wanting to decide or chose whether I am moving forward or movin g on. Am I detaching or just going g to let it go and be done with W. More time needed I guess.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
It's six months almost 7 in to this ordeal and she still likes to remind me that we are both happier now. That so much happened between us and we won't be together again.
When she tells me these things I can see she is trying to bait me into a fight. It doesn't work and she switches to being nice or at least civil.
It's sad that she still only sees the bad. Them the fact she seems to be repeating things like that we are happier apart. This is better. Etc seems like she is trying to convince herself not just me.
This came up again when I met her to exchange the boys and S3 didn't want to go and was upset. She texted saying she doesn't like that and doesn't know why he does it. Because he is happy to come to me. Hates leaving.
I straight out told her. What are you going to do? He is unhappy because he wants us together. To which I got "not happening"and I didn't respond.
When she said we are happier together all I responded was that I see that I took a lot for granted and now I see what I have and realize how blessed I am.
When this stuff comes up tho. How do I tell her I am happy because I am and yet that I want to share it with her. That she is missing out on the best me that there has been.
I am in no way going to bring it up myself. It just seems to me that tho the communication isn't the topic I desire it is at least there.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
She doesn't want to hear that and she's not ready to hear that.
When she responded "not happening" to you, she is seeing you bring that up as a way to make her change her mind. I know you are just stating a fact, but she is seeing it as "please come back to me so we can be a family again." She probably went home and told OM that you're still begging her to come back.
That's why we follow the rules. They are to protect YOU. We GAL for us. We live for ourselves and our kids. We let our WWs dig their own holes; they have to come to their own conclusions and we can't influence that with our words.
I'm glad that you're happier then you've been. You shouldn't tell her that you are, you should show her that you are.
And don't invite her back; you don't need her. She needs to earn her way back now, if she decides that's what she wants.
If she thinks she can come back whenever she feels like it, then there's no incentive to come back.
She can take what I sai however she likes. I do not see any reason for me to "take" her back.
About the happiness, I haven't told her anything I do without her asking. Then I don't go into specific detail she must have picked up the feeling I am from how I talk about things. How the kids brag about the things we do. And no of what I do is for her to see. It's for me and my kids to have memories.
I haven't read up on you mowgli. I hope you are in a happy place as well. I am really glad you stopped by
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
It seems most of the anger is passed from W. We can talk about finances or kids without her loosing her mind. Other than that nothing from her
Myself I find myself lonely when I am alone. I have continued GAL. I play slo pitch. I Started a men's handball night locally and help out friends with things they need like one buddy is doing Renos. I tend to have plans for every weekend I have the kids.
Yet there is that hour or 2 some nights where I am just alone and I hate it. I just want someone to talk to. To smile and laugh with. I honestly don't care if it's ex. Just someone to spend time with.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
