Broken not defeated pt 3

[SH_]

Hi Cherry,

Have you worked with a DB coach? They are a great resource and can help you at this point.

i am sending you positive vibes and have you in my prayers. Be cautious, validate often, stay true to yourself, and I am pulling for you.

[Cherry]

Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot.

I think the rejection might come up, I'm not sure wether to mention the texts as I feel that may open up a whole other can of worms. I can however say that I was respecting his wishes when he said he didn't feel comfortable. Or say that he said he didn't love me so if that was the case I didn't feel comfortable.

He may mention that he doesn't feel confident that this relationship can work. Something must have led him to that decision, and nothing has really been done to work on this, so he is probably going to have doubts this can work.

Actions however do speak louder than words, and that holding me this morning felt more than a hug. It was the tight grip of someone who doesn't want to let go of another person

[JksD]

If he says that he's not sure if the R will work, perhaps you can say something like I am sorry you feel this way but I want you to know that I still believe in our M. Or something to the effect.

Cherry, I agree with Sadhub. You may want to look into phone coaching.

Here's another hug for you to soothe your nerves. Rehearse, visualise and act as if everything is going to be okay. Maybe you can play with s to take off some of the nervousness?

[DDJ]

Cherry, you're the one that does not want to let go. I'm not even touching my WW and mine is only an EA. Your situation is alot worse and you're not allowing yourself to let him go. You're also still in his head and thats not where you going to find your emancipation.

My WW just sent me a text of how much stronger we are now, but she's still going out with new friends tonight. A hug is not an action.

[Painter]

Cherry, this reminds me a lot about H - it was very exhausting because it was a rollercoaster all the time, push-pull, back and forth. As soon as I melted, he pulled away again.

Your H needs to know what he wants and make a decision and commit to it - not go by what he *feels* because feelings are subject to change without notice.

[Cherry]

Painter you are right, and I think that is where boundaries would need to be put in place. I know in my head that I can't end up back here every few months. I just can't.

Thanks grl, hugs are appreciated, I already had plans with baby today and stuck to those. I didn't want to cave to h and be so readily available to him.

Ddj, you're right- in a way I don't want to let go. If I did I wouldn't be here fighting for my m. I do know that however hard I will cope either way. My h has been having what I predict is an ea. I've no reason to believe it's a pa.

[Phoebe]

Hi Cherry. All I can do is wish you the best. I am pulling for you and hope that this difficult conversation may also be a positive one for you both.

Hugs.

[Cherry]

Thanks for the support phoebe. It has not happened as I have been out all day, then when I did I was trying to get teething baby to sleep.

He is not as openly close to me in the day as he was this morning. It's like I get the more vulnerable him in bed.

Been doing a lot of reading and re reading cadets validating thread. I've carried on today exactly as I have this whole time. Friendly but slightly distant.

As he left, he did fill me in on his plans, which is a first. He usually just goes.

[Phoebe]

Sounds like another potential baby step that he shared his plans. Note and move on.

I think that what you are doing is perfect - carrying on like this morning didn't happen. If he chooses to follow through and initiate a R discussion, then you have prepared yourself mentally, and if he backs off and skips the conversation, your behavior has remained consistent.

You're a tough lady. I need to take lessons from you.

[Cherry]

Thank you phoebe. The r talk didn't happen, he came home got in bed and spent the whole night holding me again.

I decided to remain consistent and not initiate any conversation. He initiated one and talked quite upbeat. Again, he was going to go out for a couple hours, he filled me in on his plans and told me when he would be back. Trying to not get hopes up and start to become the persuer- just get on as I have been. A little mysterious but upbeat.

He left his phone hanging around again. There will be times it is downstairs with me while he is up. I haven't snooped as again, I don't think it will help.

I guess consistency is key. Do you guys think I am doing right not iniatiating the r convo? In my opinion, I told him when he wanted to talk we will talk. So as far as I am concerned- I offered.