Broken not defeated pt 3

[Cherry]

That is kind of the method I go for, and I did the last time. Sandi gave me great advise that if we eat a meal at a set time. Have it prepared, if he eats with us great. If not- it's on the stove.

I've tried to keep a sense of normality amongst this for my own sake. And I think he likes the sense of home. When I was in Paris, that wasn't there, meals weren't prepared, the house wasn't tidy. And that general busy homely feeling was gone.

He too has never had that being brought up, and although he isn't really that warm to me or baby. I think the sense of home is what he likes.

I am trying to not get too optimistic, been out gal- img with a friend and had a pamper while she watched buba. I shall see what works and just keep on keeping on and see what happens.

Noted regarding the texts, I'll keep a simple "ok". And you are right, all the spew that flows is honestly about them.

Just part of me hates conflict, I avoid these serious talks at all costs. But I know one is going to be needed. I know I just need a clear head, validate and not get emotional.

I am trying very hard to put in place, when speaking to anyone, a case of listening and thinking before responding. I feel this may be key

[DDJ]

You might also want to add "accept conflict" as part of your new you. I always thought that i was good with conflict, i relish it - yet, i could not even stand up to my W, when i knew that i was going against my own values.

[Cherry]

I think I need to. Only I'm not sure how exactly I prepare for accepting that, or deal with that. It's like if it's something I know is going to hurt, or that I don't want to hear- I shut down

[JksD]

Cherry, you sound like you're doing great in your job. I am sure that in your job you will come across difficult sitchs, superiors, colleagues and clients. How do you deal with them? I think that they require very much the same skillsets.

[Phoebe]

Hi Cherry. Add the decreased texting and the pampering day to your list of small baby steps, and, again, don't try to read into them too much. Just keep your admirable cool.

As BluWave says - mind reading just doesn't work.

Good on you for sticking with your boundary; as long as there in an OW, he hasn't earned the privilege to be with you physically, and he needs to realize his loss. You are an incredible woman, and plainly he's a fool to risk losing you.

[Cherry]

So guys I need a little advise. All night long h has been hugging up against me, holding me. This morning, I tried to gently remove his arm so I could get out of bed. He suddenly snapped why don't you just push me off you. I calmly asked what this meant. This led into a conversation regarding the apology text for sex (which he said he took my no answer to be agreement). He asked me how I felt when he sent that. I replied honestly that I didn't know what to say as I felt a little confused and hurt. I told him despite what he had told me, i do still love him and that I can't just switch that off. As soon as I said that he held me. Tight. Not in a sexual way, in a holding tight way. He asked how did I see our vacay going, I said that I would make the best of it either way. And that a change of scenery can often help. He said "or mask problems". He continued to hold me but I was already late for an appointment.

I suggested to him that I had to go out now, but if he wanted to talk later we will. He agreed and then told me his plans for the day.

I know now that I am all set for some difficult conversation potentially later. One I would usually avoid like the plague. But it needs to be done.

I know he's running a bit scared right now, but his actions are looking more promising. If anyone has any advise, insight. Please let me have it! I need to prepare myself

[JksD]

Stat calm, Cherry. You can do this. I am praying that it's a good R talk for you.

Let him lead. Listen, really listen. As much as possible, validate. Restrain the urge to butt in.

(((Cherry)))

[JksD]

I hate to say this but be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

[Cherry]

Thanks grl. Trying not to set any expectations for myself except that I need to be prepared to listen. Really listen. Then validate and validate some more.

He hasn't been texting the past few days, that's a positive. And he has left his phone hanging around at times. Not taking it everywhere with him.

I know whatever his feelings, are his feelings. And that I need to accept that even if I don't agree. I'm starting to think he has been taking my getting on with it attitude and declining his initiation of sex as I'm pushing him away. For the first time in a long time he spoke to me like a human. We even had a few laughs, and he held me without initiating sex.

Whatever this conversation is, I guess it needs to happen so I know where I stand

[JksD]

You go, Cherry. You sound strong. You can do this. The signs do seem rather positive and I am hoping it pans out well for you.

Perhaps we can do a trial run here of some things that may happen.

If he probed you about your rejection of sex, what are you going to say? You think you will let him know that you know about the texts?

What other things do you think he will say? Good to have some stock responses ready.

And if he says he's sorry and wants to try again, I think it may be time to draw some really clear boundaries.