Busy day again with baby. Did pretty good at getting on with things. H is "out" tonight. He messaged to say. I just messaged him back to say thanks for letting me know.
Sometimes I worry that my validating answers to this kind of thing make me sound deluded like I think everything is ok. This db-int can be hard at times
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
My WW sent me a TM about an hour ago to ask if our S was sleeping. I never responded. I think maybe its better to not respond, since i'm not then implicitly approving by sending a thx back.
If she wanted to know how he is doing then she should not have gone out. I think i need to start creating these boundaries for when the big day comes.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I totally see your point ddj, and I was so close to ignoring. But then I remembered what I had previously been told about encouraging his good behaviour (like a child) so was in two minds. So kept it short.
He's just returned, looking rather sorry for himself. Strutting in the way he always does when he wants me to initiate sex, almost undressed. I shall be strong
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I think you need to stop responding to H with a thanks for letting me know. I don't think he has the fear of losing you. No reply can sometimes be. Seen as rude so maybe a simple okay or something short would be better.
Also, please do not have sex with him while you know he is openly speaking poorly about you with another woman.
Thinking back to that speech (ILYB...) I think everything they said about us respectively was all about them and what was going on in their heads.
I remember very clearly how utterly angry my H was. It wasn't a conversation we were having, a dialogue about how unhappy he was etc, I had more of a feeling of someone being sick all over me. I felt dirty and covered in slime. I had never had that feeling from him before.
I reckon we've all been on the receiving end of that level of anger from someone at some point in our lives (family, work colleagues...whatever). But we don't expect it from out Hs. And that's one of the really confusing things.
I'm trying to remind myself that whatever he has said and is saying, that whatever he's done and is doing since he's been in this fog, is all about himself.
Not to say that I haven't had a part to play in the journey there's been to get to this point, but his wayward behaviour? And his justifications for it? Not my responsibility.
So the past 2 days or so. H has cooled off the texting. Not often on his phone and leaves it hanging around. I haven't snooped as reading things just leads to anxiety. All last night he was trying to spoon against me/be close. Though this morning he is back being short with me, appearing grumpy. I know this is about him so got up and went about my day. I got a message to say he has booked me in for a pamper day. I thanked him though my head is spinning. Is he softening?!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, maybe you could try to324's 'ok' if you suspect that you may be validating wayward behaviour.
^ what ddj and t0324 said about the intimacy. You don't have to be rude or standoffish. Just civil and firm and not giving in.
What your h said about why he came back got me thinking. It seems that he values the feeling of home that you and s gives him.
I was reading one rather old thread by dia. She was one strong woman and she used the strategy of gentle, non -pressuring pursuing, rather like plan a. She adjusted her methods according to how warm her h was.
She managed to move back in with her wwh While trying to look for a job.(She slept on the couch tho) Her h was still involved with ow2 who lived far away from him.
Anyways, what she did was to create that homely feeling while she was there. She did what she would have to do for her s and herself anyway, even if she hadn't been staying with her h.
Every day, before her h came back, she would spend a little time freshening up and tidying up the place. And she was a fantastic cook.
I was thinking that perhaps you may want to consider her strategy if you feel that h is stepping closer towards you?
But please remember to be cautiously optimistic. This dia was always ready for a kick in the gut and she was very good with having no expectations, monitoring what works and keeping a positive mien regardless of what crap gets thrown at her.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I like the theory JksD, my WW really wants us to make our meals together and eat together. I think that its more about having a sense of family than cake-eating.
She never had that before we moved in together so she clearly misses it when i withdraw that connection. Keeping a firm head on yourself can be tricky though.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
