I've been out of the house since Saturday. It is nice being away from the W because there was so much tension. But, it is hard being away from my home, which I built with my own two hands and my family which I also built with my own two hands.
I was back at the house spending time with the kids and saw that my W had taken down all pictures of the two of us and any picture of just me. That hurt. At least she left up pictures of me and the kids.
W and I had a brief interaction and she is so snippy with me. I wasn't prepared and I snipped back a bit. I've got to be prepared for this next time. Come to think of it, she has always been snippy with me and I just need to have a strategy to deal with it.
Coming to grips with the reality that this is going to turn into a D. I'm not giving up hope, but the light is getting more and more dim. W is a woman that once she makes up her mind she doesn't change it even when there is a wall of reasons for her to change course. I wish she'd get some therapy because she is a very unhappy person.
Anyway - working on me and focused on being an awesome dad.
I know how that snippy stuff is; I always get drawn-in. I do eventually remember to to back-off and affirm, but when things heat up my brain goes into defense mode. That's something I really have to work on.
Things are pretty dim for me right now as well. The sinking feeling isn't fun, but I do know I've got other stuff to look forward to, and like you, being an awesome dad is one of them.
I want to echo doodler's thoughts. We have become conditioned over many years of interactions with our W's and so it does take a focused effort to not snip back. Having a plan, and reminding ourselves that we are not trying to win an argument, but we are trying to validate her feelings whether right or not.
The sinking feeling is normal as I see many of us going through it, but as doodler says, looking forward to other things can help with the pain. I know easier said than done.
Hang in there, enjoy the moments with the kids and DB the heck out of today for yourself.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Hey, the good news it this, if you are still sniping back, you have something to improve on. Once you get to the point where you don't know what else you can improve and things aren't changing, then I think you would have real trouble.
Me: 38 y/o W: 38 y/o Together: 10 yrs Married: 7 yrs S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15) WBD: Sep '15 W's EA confirmed Oct'15 W Filed Dec '15 Personal awakening Mar'16
Wow, that is rough about the photos. Sounds like she needs some way to see clearly... a made up mind is a closed mind. you sound really strong ... don't give up!
Last night I started feeling like I don't want to reconcile. Today, same thing only stronger. Maybe I'll change, but right now I'm seeing all the hurt she has caused and her mistakes and how she can easily toss our marriage in the dumpster and I do not want to be with a person like that. Her family has confirmed that she will never admit she is wrong and never apologizes. Always blames everyone else for her problems. Yes, I made lots of mistakes, but a marriage takes two. I want someone that accepts me even with my mistakes. Realizes I'm human not superhuman.
Over the past few weeks, I've been exactly where you are; I'm uncertain that I'd even want reconciliation, even if I could. It's the approach-avoidance thing; I still love my wife, but at the same time I don't want her because it would be too painful to go through this whole thing again.
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I have read that you should treat reconciliation as entirely new relationship. So maybe that's the approach to take; see if the love grows sometime in the future. Right now, even though I love my wife, I'm not even thinking about reconciliation because I've been pummeled and beaten-down so badly, that I'd probably consider marrying Mike Tyson before I'd take my wife back. That sentiment may well change the next time the wind blows, or if Mike Tyson actually shows up at my doorstep.
I hear you! My WW is the exact same way. Her family gets run over by her all the time and they accept it. Does not mean that we do! Take it slow though, give your W time and space to heal. It will do both of you some good. Unfortunately for me, I reacted emotionally which sent me into a huge mess and a D.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I stopped snooping many days ago and that has helped immensely. My anxiety has come way down.
I've limited my communication with W to only the absolute essentials, that has also helped.
With the help of counseling and lots of introspection I've discovered that my W has been manipulating me for most of our marriage. Since we are apart, that has stopped, and I feel much better.
I began weight lifting again and that feels great.
I think all of these things combined have really boosted my overall spirit and outlook as well as even caused some physical changes.
Ask me tomorrow and my answer might be different, but I think I'm going to be able to get through this.
