My WW is pursuing me real bad, called now to see how i'm doing and saying that if i want to talk, that I can talk to her - i said "I know, thank you". I've gotta keep my distance, I know that too.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
ok, lightbulb moment - i know where my WWs anxiety comes from. I cheated on my first girlfriend. It just hit me and it's all coming back to me now, that i said - ILYBINILWY. OMG!!!! That was 13 years ago, she pursued and pursued. i loved the rush of two girls, the secrecy, the lies. I had no "care" for my ex, I was blinded by lust to this other person. I never reconciled with my ex, and even attempted to have a R with the OW, but karma kicked me in the butt, as she was more wayward than i was. OMG!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
ok, so I was attracted to two girls, one very feminine and the other masculine. The feminine one had a boyfriend so i didn't want to go there, but was soooo attracted. Anyhows, i start hanging out with the other one. One thing leads to the next and we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Then almost a year later to the day, I am alone with the OW, I act upon it, no intercourse though.
I deny this attraction to myself knowing that I must be faithful to my GF. But as fate would have it, she moves about 2 mins drive from my house, where my GF was 20 mins. I started hanging out more at OW place and then it started. The OW was sexually abused as a child, I wanted to fix her.
My GF and her were so so friends, even though my GF was clearly aware of an attraction. So we go party about 9 months from first interaction at the OWs place one day, a few days after i first had sex with the OW. My GF asks me "do you still love me?" I said that I do, but i'm not in love with you.
I realise now that I was cake-eating with my GF, whilst also having fun with the OW. I was so attached to my GF that I only let her go 4 years later - when i met my WW!!! And now i'm attached to her, and she is likewise attached to me too.
I can't believe that everything is so clear now. I was 20 at the time, mother gave me good morals. But i never listened. I had even lost my virginity to a married muslim lady! If i wasnt sitting down i'd probably fall over right now.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Yes doodler, i think it is definitely going to help, bring the focus onto me and what i need to fix.
when my W and i first started going out, we were friends with benefits. She was friendly with another guy and told me that either i make her my GF or she's gonna go out with him - she wanted stability. I said yes, but i never stopped wondering and wandering. As early as last year December, i was still wandering.
If i think of the girls that i was attracted to over these 10 years, none of them reciprocated because they had boyfriends, and were not wandering. But if one of them were wandering then i have no doubt that my WW would have been on this forum right now.
I definitely need to fix myself, I can't believe that i've been lost for so long! My WW is not my priority.
A question for Sandi, if she's reading - Does my wandering change the dynamic? I don't think so...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So I've realised that I've been wayward since 2000. That's 16 years of fog!
Am currently apologising to my XGF. I feel I needed to. I alluded to it a few weeks ago but I think I need it to heal. I can't show my WW this vulnerability, can I?
Who'd have thunk, a WW with a WH. Is this somewhere in the book. Lol
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
