The more you tweak them into measurable things, the better they will be.
YES.
The smaller and more measurable, the better.
Remember, they arent all long term things. You can reevaluate, add, remove any of them when you wish.
Maybe you say "no treats after 7 PM for 2 weeks". Then, after you achieve that goal, you change to "one special treat after 7 PM per week." Or whatever.
The more specific and more measurable you make the goals, the more you will be able to meet them.
Saying things like "try to do ABC" is a waste. Because what does that mean? Does thinking about it count? Does sending a text saying "we should get together sometime" count?
I married because I loved her, I saw the rest of my life with her; I had a son to show my love for her too. But that was someone else, isn't it? No it's not.
I guess it's a feeling of helplessness, doing nothing; I guess that going through with it would just be reacting to her saying that she wants one too. She does say "i know that i asked for a D, but i'm not the one that filed".
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Doing nothing can also be viewed as being in control of yourself, depending on when it is that you choose to not react. Like not responding to her weak email.
She is choosing to feel sad about your marriage ending instead of choosing to DO something about it with the hopes of working things out. She has no remorse.
Dream is right.. My WW after a very powerful church Sunday, 6 hrs later sent me "it's days like today that make me wonder if we are doing the right thing". I only responded with is this something you want talk about? Anyways she said 'we ', but knows that I'm willing to put forth whatever effort to make a try. I'm staying away from her drama as much as I can, that's not my drama.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
so, i never achieved a few of my objectives yesterday, not starting convo was almost 0%. But what did happen was another breakthrough (and we know what happened with the last one) so i'm not going to read anything into it, except that I am more at peace now.
We discussed every incident that my WW held against me and myself against her, from 10 years, 8 years, 7 years, 6 years, and recent happenings. We sort of debunked each one. For example, she always brought up that I lied to her when i bought rugby tickets for my bro and friend and not for her (7 years ago). Before i could tell her that i never bought her a ticket, she found out. That was a brick in the wall that got us here. I told her that I just wanted to watch a game with the boys, but did not know how to tell her. I needed that for me, not to hurt her.
I also recalled going to clubs, i'd point out the pretty girls, she'd even point them out for me. How does that build trust. Imagine i meet someone new, that would not be accepted. We flirted with the idea of a 3some, and on 2 occasions she chatted up a chick and brought her my way, but it never felt right so i just brushed the idea off. The amount of waywardness in our R was seriously insane. How did I not see it???
In each case, we either attributed the resentment to either party being selfish, or both. She opened up so nicely. She even stated that she does not know how she is going to tell our S4 the reason why she wanted out, why she broke up her family. But we know that actions speak louder than words and as I put him to sleep...
She was on the laptop looking for a flat, poured herself one drink to help with her anxiety (she's not getting too much sleep) and I had to fight her off me again, i'm going to lay a charge of molestation if this continues. Then she couldn't get her way and whipped out the vibrator. I left the room at that time. What a temp check!! What an opportunity to detach!!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
