If you want to place a boundary, now may be the time. For example - I know that you are continuing to have inappropriate contact with OP and I want you to leave our marital bedroom. If you choose to end that contact and start behaving like a committed spouse, we can review things.
Yes, he may rally against that - but given his recent behaviour, what do you have to lose at this point? I'm not saying you may want to give up - not at all - but I think you may want to consider drawing a line in the sand on this behaviour.
JMHO of course, and do wait to see what others think before deciding on a course of action.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks sotto, it's something like that I was thinking. I left it at not replying, and managed to bite my tongue throughout the evening, but it has been VERY hard.
He is leaving me confused. He followed me up to bed, and sat watching a movie with me again. All in silence, but usually when he's pissed with me or doesn't want to be around me, he will sleep in another room, go out, stay downstairs. Anything really to be away from me. I just really don't understand. I don't know wether I made baby steps and he is drawing closer, or he is moving further away. He says to the ow how after praying he feels closer to leave me, but it's always been after he's prayed that he tries to initiate sex so Idk. I really don't.
At least I made it through today, I managed anger alone, a few tears alone and pampered myself.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Did I understand you right that your H prays? And after praying, he feels more like leaving you for OW? I'm a little and wonder who he prays to? Because I don't know of a single 'mainstream' spiritual movement that would encourage you to leave your wife and child...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
You and me both, I think most religions are strictly against d. He doesn't say directly to leave me for her, but closer to leaving. Maybe he is justifying his wild actions and will claim it's "part of gods plan". H is rather talented at spewing.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Regardless, it clearly sounds like he will use whatever he can to justify his actions, be it religion, some imagined slights, revisionist history, whatever. Don't believe a word he says.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
My WW came up to me this morning and said "sorry for everything that i'm doing to us". I did not feel like validating and said "your sorry means nothing to me". She instantly said "well it's not like i was asking to get back into the relationship".
A short while later, i ask her why she will say something like that and she said "because i did not accept her sorry, that it put her back up and that's why she said what she said afterwards"
This is not a game, it's my life. I'm tired of playing games.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Cherry, your H is one confused man to use prayers in his favour. Seriously?
Have you replied to his apology for sex? Agree with sotto that it may be the right time to set boundaries.
Perhaps you could ask him why he would think to apologise for sex. Thank him for sharing his feelings with you. And if he says anything remotely related to feeling guilt over two-timing you, then you can lay your boundary down.
Something like, 'I love you and I want our M to work out. I love you because xxxx.
I appreciate that you decided that our M is worth trying for
It hurts me when I have to share you with another person, emotionally or physically. '
And then you lay your boundary down. Okay, I need others to jump in because my brain just died there and I totally svck at laying down boundaries.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Almost there JksD, but if i'm considering what the last two sessions of sex was with my WW, she was not really all there. She just wanted to get there and feel something, perhaps to validate her want to rather feel something with someone else. She even put a pic on her family chat about a guy on top of a girl. The girl says "choke me", the guy says "are you into that sort of thing", to which the girl replies "no, i just want to die". QUITE SADISTIC.
So the boundary should really be, how does Cherry want to feel when she has sex. If she wants it to be an expression of love for her WH, then she's looking in the wrong place. She's not going to find love there, only hurt and pain.
I am able to remove emotion with my WW so i can't deny that "he" enjoyed it. I also knew what was happening so made the most of it. But do i want to do that "forever" - hell no. I'd rather lose sex, than myself.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
He was very very much there. He was very passionate, and the look in his eye- well it's the only time he looks me in the eye and looks at me that way.
He does seem very confused, and I'm wondering how to break him out of this confusion.
Me on the other hand- I've got to face the potential of bumping into the ow at work. And somehow hold my head up, all while knowing that she has been introduced as a third party to OUR m. Encouraging h to break up a family.
Fan freaking tastic
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I think that you're seeing what you want to see Cherry. If he still goes to OW for "more" then he can't be getting what he wants from you. Its just cake-eating.
Imagine you are in his head. You get to come home, sleep in your bed, sex with your wife, who's desperate for some sort of feeling. Then you get to go to your OW and get the excitement of being single, risque and rebellious.
I hate to say it but only one person is getting a raw deal here. There is no confusion (except for you), it's quite well calculated.
Disregard the OW if you bump into her, she means nothing to you and never will. Like the neighbours dead ex-wife.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
and wonder who he prays to? Because I don't know of a single 'mainstream' spiritual movement that would encourage you to leave your wife and child...