Thank you blu. It's just one of those days. I was minupulated pretty badly after the month and a half of severe mental and verbal abuse from W. I made excuses and silently supported her actions as acts of past personal issues. Betrayed in so many ways. I'm afraid that my actions in the future will be a retaliation of these actions against me, but am trying to withhold it. I am still in this marriage, only God knows why.
Ok vent off.. Back to DB, GAL, working on me and the kids when they come back.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I woke this morning sad about my situation. It wasn't the same type of sadness of the past though, not a self pity or world ending sadness. It was more of a general , stuff happens sadness. I am not happy about my WW actions, and take some blame for the M issues. I will however not take blame for her giving up and moving on in our M. I'm not happy about getting divorced, especially because of the position it puts the kids, but I generally am ok with not being with the W. Lines were crossed multiple times that I don't respect, and I still have thoughts of forgiveness and rebuilding but rationally understand that isn't going to happen.
I'm not gonna hate her, I won't tell her that, but I'm gonna let the love go. I deserve to reserve that love for my kids and people that don't mean me harm. My guard is up to her munipulating ways, I'm not gonna let her actions hurt me anymore. I think this is the ultimate as if feelings.
Yes the door is still cracked a little itty bitty bit, crazy I know, but it would take so much for effort for her to slide through, it is nearly impossible. But still cracked.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
For whatever it's worth, I think you are doing well and moving in the right direction. Anger and self-pity bottled up are detrimental. Feeling sadness, letting it move through you, and moving towards a place of acceptance, are how the healing begins.
Go easy on yourself and keeping putting your needs first. We are here for you.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I have come to the conclusion that my wife is completely immature emotionally and that DB is counter to the persuit that she enjoys in Rs. Lol.. I read and article about emotional immaturity and it described her to a t. So, I'm pressing forward with myself, my kids, DB gal.. As I feel she'll never come back to the table, unless her mom tells her to.. Lol and that's not gonna happen..
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Oh, and I am slightly emotionally immature.. I wonder if that is why we were so magical in the begining? I however have realistic expectations in life and relationships and understand that not all love is movie love. Venting
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I am sure one way or another most WAS's are emotionally immature. What was the article title? Would love to read it and see how close my WW fits the description.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I started a new workout routine this week.. It's called the 5x5. Monday, Wednesday and Friday its squat, bench, and standing rows. You start out with a lighter weight then add 10lbs each day. You do a warm up set or two then 5 sets of 5 for each exercise. Then Tuesday and Thursday its running 2 miles or so. This routine has been around since the 60s and is meant to gain strength. I'm feeling the pain after only the first day. Lol. Gotta increase calories too, 35 lbs down since BD, mostly fat, gotta put the strength back on while keeping weight about where it's at.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Good day today. Hard work out. Spoke with a guy I have made friends with at the gym, hung out with neighbors for a bit and talked about whatever. Had a dr appointment, was good. About to visit a friend for an hour or so before church dinner and service.
Saw WW had made some purchases that made me feel funny for 5 mins, worked through it, didn't let it bug me, went to the gym early. Slept well last night. I'm doing it. I deserve to be happy with me and my life, and it's getting there.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Good day today. Hard work out. Spoke with a guy I have made friends with at the gym, hung out with neighbors for a bit and talked about whatever. Had a dr appointment, was good. About to visit a friend for an hour or so before church dinner and service.
Saw WW had made some purchases that made me feel funny for 5 mins, worked through it, didn't let it bug me, went to the gym early. Slept well last night. I'm doing it. I deserve to be happy with me and my life, and it's getting there.
Sounds good! There you go! Each day is a new day. Baby steps, and moving in the right direction. That's all you can do.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
