What Should I be Doing?

[Coconut]

Thanks for the advice, it's tough to go threw this and think about what would be the best course of action at the same time... Would it do any good to ask her to leave the marital bed until she is ready to treat it as such, or is that too much pressure... I do believe my W wants to work it out with me, but for the first time in 8 years I feel like she is a different person...

On a side note, Ihave met someone in my GAL expeditions that I could be interested in. Should I just walk away from that and focus on M, or is there benefit to keeping options open?

[CRW]

Agree with everything Ralph told you. Most of us have to rebuild the bridge, yours is still standing, just repair it with the methods described here.

[cubebot]

On a side note, Ihave met someone in my GAL expeditions that I could be interested in. Should I just walk away from that and focus on M, or is there benefit to keeping options open?

I think you should walk away. Ever heard of a rebound? Work on you now, not your M, not a new R.

[Coconut]

Backing off is hard to do, and quite frankley I'm of the mindset of let's fix it or move on.... Not sure if that's the best idea, but it's what I want and move on from there... I just sent her a text:
M - Can we talk tonight, for real what you want?
M - Daily and long term? Not sure if I fit in
[/quote]

[Cadet]

Backing off is hard to do, and quite frankley I'm of the mindset of let's fix it or move on.... Not sure if that's the best idea, but it's what I want and move on from there... I just sent her a text:
M - Can we talk tonight, for real what you want?
M - Daily and long term? Not sure if I fit in

This is not likely to get the results you are looking for.

Unless what you want is to be divorced.

[Coconut]

Divorced is not what I want... What I want is to understand where my loving wife Is and how to get her back,.. This cold hearted B just doesn't do it for me, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one puppy dogging her around, and waiting for her on nights out with friends... What I want is to end this "episode" as soon as possible... Impatient, yes I am... Ok with moving on, not really, but sometimes we don't get to choose... But the way I see it, is work on fixing what we have, or let me move on and see if having kids are still an option.

[Wonka]

Hiya, Coconut. 😀

I'm sorry to see you are experiencing pain and confusion in your sitch. Let's have a chat about it soon. Right now I'm driving and typing on my iPhone. Hope you're not a cop waiting to bust my chops for this infraction. Hang in there! Be right back soon.

[Coconut]

I'll wait wonka, not planning on leaving where I'm at till they kick me out... Any advice would be good in the meantime... Btw, what I did today wasn't looking for a response from her, just wanted to spend time to figure out what I wanted. It's brought lots of tears, but it feels like the the thing I needed I to do for me regardless of what I walk In to tomorrow. She works with me, but I can't let that dictate what I need to do.

[Wonka]

Sit tight. Don't do anything rash or make any sudden moves.

[Coconut]

In the interest of full disclosure, here is a letter I've never shared with her:

When I proposed to you, I was asking for more than your hand in marriage, I was asking you to give me your heart, to know that I would protect and cherish it; that I would be there for you not just when times were at their best or worst, but every day of the life I was asking you to build with me. It saddens me to think I went through so much time oblivious to my failures, not recognizing that I was causing so much pain, not through negative actions, but through complete inaction.

I replay our last few years in my mind, I don’t find joy in the TV shows I watched or the rest I got, I find pain in thinking of all the times I wasn’t there, on the experiences I missed and will never get back. You were so excited when your High School reunion was coming up, you couldn’t wait to see your old friends and share your new life with them. I knew what it meant to you, but yet I had my reservations due to my own insecurities, and somehow I thought you’d be ok with me not going. Although I know you tried to understand, that you wanted to let go of the pain it caused to go alone, but I’m sure it made you angry.. Angry that I had failed to hold up my promise, I promised you that I would live this life with you, be present in the good, bad and in-between, be there when you looked next to you, and yet I let you down. There were so many other experiences, time spent with friends and family, that you reached out your hand but I wasn’t there to hold it… I believe you wanted to understand, to support me in whatever it was that was eating me up inside, keeping me from living. But it took a toll on you, all the hurt and disappointment; it hardens your heart, not because you didn’t love me, but because you didn’t want me to hurt you, to stop the pain I was causing you…

I blew you kisses when you walked by, I woke you up with a kiss and an “I Love You”, you were my world and I thought I was letting you know it… I look back and cry, cry that our days weren’t all spent together, that our nights didn’t end in each other’s arms; I have the most precious wife in the world, but I often acted in a way that made you feel otherwise… I need you to know it wasn’t intentional, that in my mind there wasn’t a problem, I thought that we were living life (what the hell was I thinking).

I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you, it will take time, but I am committed to allowing you to trust me, trust that I will uphold my promise that I made to you. You are the most important person in the world to me, and I will do everything in my power to protect and cherish you,