well, I've already changed a lot. Obviously, I got out of the cycle of taking pills, which has increased my energy allowing me to workout consistently. Always wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, so I'm starting to do that. (Safety class is in a couple weeks)
I've also been keeping up the house, which was something she took issue with before, as I relied on her to do most of that. Now, I'm doing basically everything. Oddly, she has stopped doing anything around the house, unless its her laundry. Normally, she is a clean freak, now is very sloppy (for her), leaving stuff everywhere. I pick up everything without a thought.
I'd say I'm definitely conflict avoiding and codependant.
But I'm seeing conflicting advice here, I'd like to tell her clean up after herself, but other reading tells me to not fight anything and let things be as they are.
I'd say I'm definitely conflict avoiding and codependant.
But I'm seeing conflicting advice here, I'd like to tell her clean up after herself, but other reading tells me to not fight anything and let things be as they are.
Eventually, I'd like to be able to voice my opinion when we disagree or I see something I don't like. But now, I will exercise a tight lip and patience.
Also, I should say we tried counseling as well. Only went 3 times together. i did a few by myself before she committed to going.
But I believe our therapist wasn't the greatest. She basically gave us these exercises that seemed a bit copy/paste to all of her sessions. When my wife didn't want to do them, all the therapist said was, "well, you need two people to make the marriage work, and if one doesn't want to, what else can you do but divorce?"
Obviously, my wife loved her because all the emphasis was on splitting up, not trying to repair. Needless to say, therapy has left a sour taste in my mouth
We by no means hate eachother, and have agreed to not get lawyers involved when/if the time comes. I'll be keeping the house and whats mine, and she can have anything else.
She said she doesn't want any piece of the house or any money from me, even though she has put more money into the house than I have.
Also has said she sees me more of a brother than a lover/H. I told her I do not wish to be your brother. I feel like I'm being friend-zoned in my own marriage. ugh
Do you believe the lack of spending time together led to her not feeling in love with you, or were there other signs before she started the nursing program and holding down the jobs?
Do you agree that she tried really hard to make the M work after you went back?
Do you see your W as being the same as when you M her, or does she seem to have changed into someone you do not recognize?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Do you believe the lack of spending time together led to her not feeling in love with you, or were there other signs before she started the nursing program and holding down the jobs?
It definitely had an effect, but she said she had been going thru things in her head that she never vocalized. She has admitted that burying herself in work/school was/is a way of coping. Now if you ask me if I think that is healthy for her, that's another story.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Do you agree that she tried really hard to make the M work after you went back?
No, things quickly just went back to the way they were, except I wasn't abusing pills. I wasn't ready to move back, but didn't know it. I was excited to start reconnecting. She said there was no more benefit to being separated.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Do you see your W as being the same as when you M her, or does she seem to have changed into someone you do not recognize?
She seems the relatively same person. Just VERY career focused. She's now making the kind of money she never had, having raised a child since she was 17, not really having any money. She isn't very emotional and internalizes a lot, so its really hard breaking thru that wall, but that's something she needs to deal with or else she will be alone her whole life.
